From time to time, I toss out nicknames for people, places, and things–some are movie references, some are obscure song references, more than a few are game references, and some are references to myth and legend. This page is where those terms are explained. (For the record: the title is a Warhammer 40K reference)
Abtakha: A player that’s been traded from one team to another (or claimed on waivers by one team from another). BattleTech reference.
ASBO: Anti-Social Behaviour Order. Applies to a person as well as to the order itself. The application of the ASBO is sometimes controversial, but in general it gets served on people that engage in thuggish hooliganism.
Avi Tanabe: Former Hurricanes defenceman David Tanabe, who for the longest time couldn’t play defense to save his life. Nickname courtesy of RBC Section 328.
Black Friday: The 1 November 2002 trade that sent Marek Malik and Darren Langdon to the Vancouver Canucks in exchange for what turned out (in the end) to be a 6-4 win over the Detroit Red Wings 28 days later.
Bristol: ESPN. Named for their headquarters of Bristol, CT.
Bristol North: TSN (which is owned by ESPN)
Bristolero: An employee of ESPN.
Carolina Hurricanes Toronto Maple Leafs Carolina Hurricanes coach Paul Maurice. Nickname acquired via a poster on the scout.com Hurricanes board, who commented during the Season From Hell that she was waiting for him to make the Great Leap Forward.
Chosen One, The: Eric Staal, future captain of the team as anointed by St. Francis of Assist.
Chuck Norris of Hockey, The: Hurricanes forward Chad LaRose. So dubbed by listeners of Raleigh sports talk station 850 the Buzz.
Claude Avery: Durham-based Bristolero Bomani Jones. So named because he turtled like a mofo in the face of withering criticism of his Page 2 jab at the ‘Canes in 2006.
Dear Leader: Former Hurricanes assistant GM Jason Karmanos. Son of Great Leader.
English Soccer Hooligans of the NHL, The: Buffalo Sabres fans. Drunk, disorderly, delusional, and thuggish–but at least you can have an intelligent conversation about hockey with them once the meds kick in and they sober up…unlike the Juggalos of the NHL.
Carolina Hurricanes Montreal Canadiens forward Erik Cole. So named for his love of coffee.
First One, The:?Kevin Dineen, the Hurricanes’ first captain.
Focus of Evil in the Hockey World, The: Detroit Red Wings. See also “Menses Munchers” and “Unspeakables”.
Focus of Evil in the Southeast Division, The: Tampa Bay Lightning. Their GM is Steve Yzerman, who I respect highly but is Pure Evil nevertheless.
Favored of Comcast: Philadelphia Flyers, the team owned by Comcast-Spectacor (who also owns
OLN The Flyers Network Versus). See also “Pflyers”.
Forslund, The Mighty: Hurricanes TV play-by-play guy John Forslund. See also “Johnny Sideburns”.
Goalpost Teeth: Chris Pronger. See also “Bitch, My Golden”.
Great Leader: Hurricanes owner Peter Karmanos.
Greatfather Bob: Bob Brind’amour, father of Hurricanes Warchief Rod Brind’amour. See also “Greatfather, The”.
Gruumsh: retired defenceman Bryan Berard.
Hambone: Former Hurricanes forward Jeff Hamilton.
Hands of Feet:
Hurricanes Blackhawks Penguins forward Craig Adams–who has hands of feet, for all the scoring touch he has.
Hell of 2:34 AM, The: 2:34 AM, 9 June 2002: Igor Larionov scores the game-winner in the third overtime of SCF Game 3 and I suffer the slings and arrows of the Red Wings fans that surrounded me in Section 334 at the RBC Center (then called the ESA). The 11th of the Chinese Hells.
Interregnum, The: The period of time when the Hurricanes were coached by Peter Laviolette from 12/2003 to 11/2008. Punctuated by a Stanley Cup win. See also “Fresh Air, Breath Of”
Johnny Sideburns: See “Forslund, The Mighty”.
Juggalos of the NHL, The: Your garden-variety Red Wings fan, particularly the ones that go to games in road cities. Noted for stupidity and flinging of virtual feces because they can’t come up with any kind of cogent argument to support their team (and they know dick-all about their own team, which I guess falls under the “stupidity” tag). There are so many of these losers that they drown out the intelligent fans of their team.
LART: A large, heavy, and painful implement of destruction–like a clue-by-four, only better. Also refers to the action of using said implement. See the Jargon File entry. My preferred LART is a signed Tommy Westlund stick that I keep in a place of honour above the entrance to my computer room. In a pinch, I have been known to use some of Marek Malik’s old stickblades, which function as makeshift (though highly effective) kukris. Ayo Gorkhali!
LARTing: The application of a LART–in NHL terms, the receipt of a suspension or (in-game) major penalty.
Litter Box, The: Gaylord Entertainment Center, Nashville.
McLovin: EJ Hradek. This in-joke started with me and several friends of mine–the upshot is that we were inebriated and assigning Superbad characters to random people, and we couldn’t decide who would be McLovin (who is just as dorktastic as the rest of the gang, but in a way he’s still “baller as fuck” (to quote a guy I know at work)). EJ popped up on the screen for the start of NHL Live, and all of us said “MCLOVIN” at the same time. Thus, the nick.
Merlin Hat: A domination of one team or player by another. An example (in fight terms) can be found here (Poor Darren!) Another example would be the 5-1 dismantling of the Ottawa Senators by the Carolina Hurricanes on 16 March 2008. i.e. an embarrassment that you really don’t want to talk about…but everyone does anyway.
My Golden Bitch: Anaheim Ducks defenseman Chris Pronger. See also “Goalpost Teeth”.
Nexus of Evil, The: Joe Louis Arena, home of the Detroit Red Wings–the Focus of Evil in the Hockey World.
One Who Will Be, The: See “Chosen One, The”.
Ragnarok: The Great Lockout of 2004-2005. And really, the Lockout was kinda Ragnarok-like.
Hurricanes Capitals forward Scott Walker–who is a dead ringer for Fred Ward.
Serene Master of Malik-fu, The: Former Hurricanes defenseman Marek Malik. (See also “His Serenity” and “Defenseman, The Sub-Holy”)
Season From Hell: The 2002-2003 season, where the Hurricanes nose-dived to last place in the NHL.
Edmonton Oilers Hurricanes defenseman Joni Pitkanen–whose first name, if pronounced properly (with the long O and a J that sounds like Y), sounds like the Sanskrit word for the female pudenda.
St. Francis of Assist: Ron Francis. Did I really have to make this entry?
Teh LGC: The forums at letsgocanes.com.
Unspeakables: Detroit Red Wings, who I hate more than anything else on the planet (and have since I was 10). See also “Menses Munchers” and “Focus of Evil in the Hockey World, The”.
Warchief, The: Hurricanes captain Rod Brind’amour.
The Worldwide Leader in Poker: See “Bristol”.
Toolbag Senior: News and Observer columnist Caulton Tudor, who is best known by many for a 2002 imbroglio where he referred to then-Canadiens goalie Jose Theodore as a frog (and then tried to cover his tracks by claiming that he was making a fairytale analogy after he received a flood of angry e-mails from fans of the Hurricanes and the Canadiens).
Toolbag Junior: News and Observer columnist Ned Barnett, who loves to write about a sport that he can’t be bothered to learn all that much about (hockey) and whose columns are invariably littered with glaring signs of general cluelessness. Considered almost as embarrassing to the Caniac Nation (est. 1997) as Caulton Tudor.
X Random Messageboard: Where X means “Fill In The Blank”. Inspired by The Jargon File‘s usage of “J. Random x“, where x is the genre–J. Random Hacker, J. Random Wageslave, J. Random Hockey Player, etc. Geek notation. “J” indicates person. “X” indicates thing. A messageboard is a thing, not a person. Therefore “X”.