Oh, I can just see how much fun this will be. Earlier today, I got into it with some noob on Facebook who seems to feel Sean Avery (who is on waivers) is an enforcer and that the Hurricanes need him. When I pointed out his noobery, he got all upset (predictably), and told me to STFU because he’s “always been a canes fan” and “played hockey all my life”.
Yeah. Right. He needs to go hang out with the Juggalos of the NHL, they’re about his speed.
As much as I admire his bollocks in being up-front about supporting equality, Sean Avery is NOT, repeat NOT an enforcer in any way, shape, form, or fashion.
He turtles when challenged by somebody who gets tired of the little fuckhead running his yap or taking cheapshots. He has to wait until another player is restrained by the linesmen and unable to respond in order to get a punch in. His idea of “enforcing” is to be a one-man Morris dancing side in front of Marty Brodeur during a playoff game.
Anyone who thinks that’s “enforcing” is a moron or a noob or both.
Bob Probert (rest his soul) was an enforcer. The late Messrs. Rypien, Boogaard, and Belak were enforcers. Joe Kocur and Darren McCarty were enforcers. STUUUUUU Grimson, Esq. is an enforcer (and I’d be happy to have him represent me in court, too. Very smart fellow). Clark fucking Gillies was an enforcer. Dave bloody Semenko was an enforcer. Riley Cote, Dan Carcillo, Inglourious Backes, Eric Godard, and Zack Stortini are all enforcers.
Sean Avery, bless his little turtling heart, is not an enforcer any more than I am the King of Siam. Etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.
I’ll open the floor up to the five people that are reading this blog at any one time: Please, explain to me if you can how Sean Avery is an enforcer. (comment moderation should be turned off now, btw–I’m trusting all y’all to play somewhat nice, here)
“I didn’t see anything. Did you see anything? That video doesn’t prove anything.” — Colin Campbell
Ironic, really. Not even a week after some jackwagon in London, ON threw a banana peel at Pflyers forward Wayne Simmonds, the man’s back in the news–and this time for something not very sympathetic.
Of course, it’s also ironic that I defend Sean Avery, given the wonderfully misogynist things he’s said in the past about an ex-girlfriend, his general on-ice jackassery (like the Morris Dance he did in front of Marty Brodeur during a playoff game in 2007), and my own “Sean Avery is gay” post category (which is there because, seriously, dudeman needs to come out the damn closet already).
The scenario: Rangers/Pflyers preseason game, in Philly. Sean Avery claims that Simmonds called him a “faggot”, which is considered an anti-gay slur. It’s captured on video, and yet Clownshoe Colin–the same guy who, in an e-mail that was publicized in November 2010, called Marc Savard a “whiner” and a “little fake-artist”, and then refused to even so much as give a suspension after Savard sustained a possible career-ending concussion–is saying “I didn’t see anything happen, so I won’t do anything.”
That shit ain’t cool, kids. Racism and homophobia are doubleplusuncool, and any so-called “fan” who thinks they’re OK has rocks in his head, in my opinion.
Come at me, bro!
For those who have been living under a rock, here’s the videotape:
If you don’t want to watch the video: Sean Avery decided to camp in front of Martin Brodeur–FACING the guy, with his back to the play, and do this psychotic little dance in an attempt to screen Brodeur while the Rangers were on a 5-on-3.
It, like the Babylon Project, failed. Chris Drury even had to skate up to him during the freaking play and tell him “STICK DOWN”–and when your captain does the equivalent of tell you “You’re doing it wrong”, that is saying something.
So on Monday, the NHL issued the following statement:
NEW YORK/TORONTO (April 14, 2008) — National Hockey League Senior Executive Vice President and Director of Hockey Operations Colin Campbell today issued the following advisory on the interpretation of Rule 75 – Unsportsmanlike Conduct: “An unsportsmanlike conduct minor penalty (Rule 75) will be interpreted and applied, effective immediately, to a situation when an offensive player positions himself facing the opposition goaltender and engages in actions such as waving his arms or stick in front of the goaltender’s face, for the purpose of improperly interfering with and/or distracting the goaltender as opposed to positioning himself to try to make a play.”
Predictably, a vocal handful of Rangers fans are crying that the League made this announcement specifically to protect Martin Brodeur (or as one fuckhead on X Random Messageboard calls him, “Brodiva”).
My comment to that, of course, is: Bullshit.
What Avery did went way beyond creative. It went to clear to the “what the fucking fuck were you thinking, you stupid fucking fuckhead?” end of the spectrum. I mean, really. There is a point where you have to admit that something a member of your team did is indefensible, and that point was reached Sunday night with Sean Avery’s egregiously fuckheaded display of unmitigated fucktardery.
Damn, think I dropped enough variations on the F-bomb there?
Anyway. My point remains: Rangers fans can spin this any way they want to. They can cry and whine and hop on the martyr bus all day if they want to. I don’t care. Avery’s little shenanigans on Sunday have zero place in the game, they go way beyond agitation, and when even Don Cherry (who normally loves you) calls you a “jerk”?
That is saying something right there. Maybe my boy Malik will beat his dumb ass down in practice again. I’d love to see that.
I knew it was going to be a rough day when I went to move a monitor at work and my back said “GUESS AGAIN KIDDO!”
So you can’t say that I wasn’t prepared for last night’s game–though I was hoping to actually be at the game, rather than flat on my back AGAIN praying that ibuprofen would be a suitable replacement for Flexeril. I’ll never snark about players with back issues again, I swear on my grandmother.
The game was a bit of a haze, and I admit that I got excited when my boy Malik saw the puck squirt out from under Hank’s pads and hauled it out the zone. I also winced and knew that things weren’t going to go well when I saw Sergei and the Bishop collide at the blue line. But I do remember enough through the endorphinic haze to be able to say that Cam singlehandedly kept the team in the game.
You heard me. It’s become fashionable for some of the less-intelligent citizens of the Caniac Nation to blame the goalie every time this team loses, but really. Cam played just as well as he’s played the last several games. The defence, on the other hand, decided to get an attack of the stupids–and the aliens brought back Atlanta Frankie too, which pissed me off–and I’m sure that the talking heads today will be all up in the “See, we told you they’re going to choke cos they lost their captain!” nonsense. Yeah, cos ONE GAME is really a representative sample.
But Saturday, the ‘Canes have a chance to redeem themselves by administering a world-class beatdown to the Lightning–which will start another nice win streak
Yeah, so last night I went to the Canes-Rangers game. I was fairly fully expecting the ‘Canes to get pwned as they have just about every time they’ve played a game after a break, and hoping that Sean Avery would get a beatdown or three (dozen) just to break the monotony.
The fun started before the puck even dropped. No sooner had the lights come up and everyone gathered for the opening faceoff than Scott “Remo Williams” Walker and Sean Avery threw down. It wasn’t much of a fight, really. They wrestled a bit, and the linesmen immediately broke it up and sent them both to the penalty box for roughing. The real fun, however, was yet to come. Wade Brookbank and Colton Orr threw down at 3:41 of the first–Wade got his face pwned, and he and Orr made a date for later in the game.
After Remo laid a hit on Scott Gomez that had more than a little elbow action to it less than 45 seconds later, a writhing mass of players (or, to quote The Mighty Forslund, “a bevy of humanity”) congregated in the southwest corner of the rink and commenced to discussing the merits of said hit.
Birthday boy Tim Gleason waded in and wound up wrestling with Jaromir Jagr–and was summarily ejected for violating rule 47.16 (Third Man In).
Walker and Avery got into it again, and both got to have a sit-down for five minutes–well, except for Avery. He got
4610 and 2 just ahead of me for instigating (yeah I know, big shock there).
And about 9 minutes and change later, Orr and Brookbank stepped to each other for Round 2. That fight was a bit more even, for those who keep score at home. I could just hear Marv Albert and Ferdie Pacheco breaking it all down in my head, and decided that I better not go get another Diet Pepsi once I’d finished the one I was currently drinking.
Things settled down after that–some
cheatin’ wife-stealin’ no-good dirtbag who whined his way out of Hartford and deserves to have the air let out of his tires Ranger scored, people were falling down all over the place, and Bret of the Gimpy Hip not only played defence but he also made me laugh by first clotheslining Petr Prucha at the Hurricanes’ blueline and then giving him the Flying Buttcheek. If he’d thrown in a Stinkface for good measure, it would have brought the house down. Either that, or it would have made me fall out my chair laughing. One of the two.
The crowd was admittedly a bit on the light side (except in Section 328, which is always well-staffed and ready to overwhelm the audio pickups on Press Row), but they were really into it. The last minute of the game was pretty tense, as the Rangers pulled Lundqvist to get a 6-on-3 and even knocked Cam’s stick out of his hand for good measure–but the good guys prevailed in the end.
Thursday night should be interesting, as it always is when Chairman Mo comes back for a visit. Let’s just hope Sportsnet East doesn’t pre-empt the game for like NASCAR or something.
Colton Orr used his forearm and elbow to give Matt Cullen a nice concussion (and a busted snoot) last night.
In return, the Hurricanes gave the Rangers the game. You’re welcome.
The game was a blur to me, really. It was just a long nightmare of gaffes and goofs and a complete lack of physicality whatsoever. Lavi was clearly upset, I’m upset, the TSB Goon Squad is clamouring for the return of Jesse Boulerice (whose usefulness is long spent), and it was really not a fun way to come out of the X-istmas break.
And then we have the psycho freakshow known as Sean Avery, who decided to wait until the linesmen were holding Andrew Ladd (who stepped into the scrum to defend his teammate) to get some punches in on Ladd. Yeah, that really shows your manhood there Sean-o. And don’t get me going on the hilarity that would have been a Malik-Nolan tussle.
Tomorrow the horror continues when the Bahstan Broons come to the RBC Center for some good old-fashioned southern hospitality and probably two free points. Just cos we’re so giving like that, yanno.