Sweet Tea, Barbecue, and Bodychecks

As of this morning, the ‘Canes had been dropped by Triangle media conglomerate Curtis Media–or more correctly, Curtis Media decided not to renew their contract with the ‘Canes. Can’t say I’m surprised–the vibe I’ve always gotten from Curtis was one of “eh, they’re here, have fun” (though Curtis Media station 96Rock really had a blast pimping the team).

As of about noonish or so, the ‘Canes announced a new deal with Triangle media mainstay Capitol Broadcasting Company (owned by Jim Goodmon, who also owns the Durham Bulls AAA beisbol team). This is a good thing–the station that they’re on has a crap coverage area, but it’s still a good thing because it opens the door for Goodmon eventually investing in the team (which will strengthen its place in the Triangle, much to the dismay of the RHWO nutbags).

As of about 1:00 or so, the ‘Canes announced that they’d re-signed radio play-by-play man Chuck Kaiton.

So far, so good.

When I blasted the NHL’s decision to go with OLN/Versus for their NHL coverage, I had so many people telling me that I should just be happy hockey is on TV.

Those same people are now bitching because Versus has, once again, bollocksed up coverage and is apparently not willing to do anything about other than show the program at 11 instead of 7:00 as originally scheduled.

I bet Ed Snider’s really proud of his pet network right now. I know I would be.

Oh, now this is funny.

It’s all Sean Hill’s fault that the Mo-ple Leafs missed the playoffs this season.

Were it a Leaf that had been popped and the situations reversed, would JFJ be crying? Of course not. Leafs fans are angry at another year without a Cup, playoffs, and Lil’ Fergie needs somebody to blame so that the fans don’t come marching down Younge Street with torches and pitchforks to re-enact the opening :15 of “Witch Hunt”.

Enter one Sean Hill. Hockey player, performance-enhancing substance user–and JFJ’s roomie when they both played for the Godless Habominations. I’m still waiting to find out what Hill got popped for, kids. What did he take, and when did he take it? And for that matter, if it was ‘roids then how did he manage to avoid showing signs of use? Was it the cream? The clear? Rogaine?  Lanacaine?  What was it?

Whatever. Hilly was appealing his suspension during the stretch, he was–under the rules–allowed to play during that appeal process, and he is not the reason why the Leafs choked a bid at the 8th seed in the East. The Isles outplayed the Leafs as a team during the last two weeks of the season, while the Leafs did their best impression of the 03-04 Hurricanes and Chairman Mo made his usual excuses.

If you want somebody to blame, Fergie, blame DUBIELEWICZ. It’s all his fault.

Damn that DUBIELEWICZ.

I go away for a couple weeks cos of work and other non-hockey stuff, and what do I find?

Chris Cheli-ass was named the Mark Messier Leader Of The Year.  Yeah, there’s a match made in Nastrond–I know I’d consider a whining cheap-shotting classless hotel-room trasher who refuses to shake hands with his opponents a real leader, there. Why not just call it the “Mark Messier Aging Asshat Award” if all Mess is going to do is pick the oldest assiest player in the League every season?

Bite me, Chief.

IN OTHER NEWS:

Cam Ward: Hot off a World Champeenships win, 3 years, 8 bills. Here’s hoping he earns that cash.

Now that the Sabres got blasted off the “BOO HOO CAROLINA STOLE OUR CUP” Bus O’ Bulldada by the Sens, I am back to loathing the Red Wings in full effect. Punks.

And speaking of the Sens: These Finals are, so far, showing the value of Finals-veteran leadership. The Ducks have plenty right now–the Sens will have plenty after this is all over. I’m still barracking for the Sens, but they have got to start burying those chances they’re getting and fast.

BTW, TSN: Going an hour away to Newport Beach and talking to a Red Wings fan who says “Durrrr, Sens in three!” != accurate gauge of fan interest in hockey.  And Reuters?  WTF was up with going to Disneyland and asking people about the Finals?  EVERYBODY THERE IS FROM OUT OF TOWN, YOU MORONS.  That’s like asking Roger from Medicine Hat if he knows who’s playing for the North Carolina 4-AAA Pop Warner title.

Fuck you very much, you elitist pricks. Just cos I’m cheering for the Sens, that doesn’t mean I gotta put up with that kind of elitist bulldada. Hockey will never grow in the southern States like I and others want it to as long as we have to deal with elitist garbage from asshats like that.

And speaking of asshats, I see that Jim Ballsillie has finally found a victim. I’m sure the Chief is wetting himself with glee at the thought of Nashville losing its team, but hopefully the fans will give Ballsillie a big middle-finger and get more than 14,000 per game–which, of course, means that Captain Patent Infringer will have to Karmanos his way out of Nashville to bring the team to Hamilton.

But it’ll be OK, of course, because the team will be going North instead of South. Yeah.

Well.

This season’s playoff whipping boy is, apparently, none other than the Nashville Predators–because Alexander Radulov got suspended (and rightly so) for a hit that even most Preds fans on the net agree was totally unnecessary, and because Scott Hartnell got a game misconduct in Game 1 for laying out Jonathan Cheechoo (a hit that I personally think was pretty foolish).

All of a sudden, the Predators are a bunch of dirty no-good thugs, Nashville doesn’t deserve a team, their fans are morons….

Oh wait, various fuckheads on the Net have been saying those last two things for ages. FlyersTV Comcast OLN Versus has been harping on the first one, however, and making the Sharks out to be innocent martyrs.

How conveniently we forget that the Sharks are not nearly so innocent as Clement Clement Hands of Cement and his little friends would have us believe. At least the Preds didn’t do the double-team thing right off the faceoff in the last five minutes of the game. But since the Preds are south of the Mason-Dixon Line, I guess it’s fashionable to bash them left right and center (and, if you’re a Wings fan, to make fat jokes and drop redneck smack on anyone who dares defend them–I’m betting that if the Wings get punted again, at least a few of ‘em will be hopping on the Sabres bus so they can hang with kindred spirits).

The more things change….

Damien Cox: ZOMGFLUKE?

Gee, what a surprise–Toronto mediot Damien Cox is calling last year’s Cup finalists both flukes because of their travails this season. Oh, he tries not to say it, but please–that’s about as transparent as a piece of Scotch invis-o-tape on a windowpane.

I tell you what, if it’s not some smacktard sore loser with no imagination and a small e-penis trying (and failing) to drop garbage in my commentbox on his employer’s time and nickel, it’s a Leafs columnist who still holds a grudge over the 2002 ECF and the Leafs getting the bulk of their Cup wins knocked off the Cup by the Hurricanes.

Memo to Damien Cox: You CAN get those photos of the last Leafs Cup team colorized by hand, yanno. All you need is a little talent (which you apparently don’t have) and some photo-quality oil paints.

I tell you what, kids–nothing pisses me off more than some clueless know-nothing calling a team’s accomplishment a “fluke” for no real reason other than sheer assy bitterness…except for excuse-making by sore losers with a martyr complex. Memo to “The Troll”: Your comments get trashed without me even seeing them–the only indication I have that you’re trying to post anything is your IP address showing up on my statcounter. You’re the only Sabres fan person that I have on the comment-blacklist.

My favorite bit is this one:

Still, having both the Oilers and Hurricanes miss the playoffs would, to some degree, put a giant asterisk beside last season’s Cup finals. Nobody suggested either team was a powerhouse or a squad rivaling the Canadiens of the late 1970s or the Islanders of the early 1980s. But nobody screamed “FLUKE!” either. Still, right about now, that’s kind of how it looks.

Lemme clue you in to a universal truth, Damien: no team that makes it to a title game/series is a “fluke”–not a one, not ever. The teams that make it deserves to be there, and the team that wins deserves to win. Period. Were the Devils (may they fester in Nastrand) called a fluke in 1996, 2002, and 2004? Were the Red Wings called a fluke in 1996*, 1999, and 2003? Were the Habs called a fluke in 1994 or the Rangers called a fluke in 1995? No–certainly not by anyone with a clue (which, I guess, leaves Mr. Cox out of the equation). Why? Pry cos they’re not in the Southeast Division or a shadow of their once-dynastic selves–but then, that’s just my perspective.

The only flukes are the ones that infest your liver and your lungs–and if you have those, then you might want to see medical attention. As for me, I’m going to go back to cheering for my team and not giving a damn what any of you mooks have to say about them.

Go Canes, and to Nastrand with the rest of you.

*: For the history-impaired, 1996 is the season after the Red Wings got pwnt in the Finals by the Devils.

Yeah so y’all know how I hate blowing my own horn right?

So check this out. I gots pub in The Hockey News!

5. The NHL Blogosphere Has Zest. CasonBlog is stylishly witty, and Battle of Alberta’s “Beard Talk” post had me LOL during the playoffs. But the Acid Queen and God Send Jen show that female fans can hold their own.

WELL.

First Bristol, now The Hockey News. Are they trying to get me to like them?

(photo courtesy N&O photog Chris Seward)
http://www.newsobserver.com/796/story/539324.html

Regardless of one’s political leanings, it’s still pretty damn cool for a team’s fans to have their team at the White House after they win a championship. I just wish that the N&O had had somebody who can actually write a good article on the trip, rather than Barbara Barrett (of whose writing I have never been enamored).

And yes, Aaron Ward, Martin Gerber, and Matt “Tim Curry’s Younger Brother” Cullen are all in that photo–according to Canes’ Media Czar Mike Sundheim’s fabulously-executed running writeup, they were standing there outside the terminal with their thumbs out so they could hitch a lift.

Doug Weight, Mark Recchi, Joe, Lord of Evil and Kevyn Adams couldn’t make it because of transcendent commitments, Great Leader Pete Karmanos couldn’t make it because he’s laid up recovering from surgery, and the new guys didn’t make the trip because of course they weren’t abtakha until after 19 June.

Hopefully this visit will boost the team’s morale and get them back on the proper path, starting with tonight’s game v. the Boston Bruins. Puck drops at 8:30, but of course I’ll be working so I’ll have to call my Score Bitch for updates at 9:00 and 11:00.

Love my promotion–hate my scheduling.