Archive for the 'Mediocy' Category

16
May

Finally Official: Lavi Stays…for now

By The Acid Queen 3 Comments
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Categories: Canes-specific, GM Insanity, Mediocy and Southeast Division

Laviolette keeps job — LSB

After keeping us all on pins and needles for weeks after the end of the season, JimR has finally made it official–Peter Laviolette is staying on as coach of the Hurricanes.

I had gotten some juicy rumours dropped on me regarding possible replacements (Chairman Mo was NOT one of those possible replacements), as well as a possible destination for our beloved coach (conjecture was that ATL would have had him on their payroll inside of 36 hours). But since I couldn’t substantiate them I didn’t feel comfortable posting them–after all, I’m not charging all y’all $texas for the “privilege” of reading complete and total codswallop and made-up “CONFIRMED TRADE IN THE WORKS” stories that are cribbed from message boards.

So, yeah. The Samsonov signing should have been a sign, but of course it wasn’t. Great Leader wanted to rap with the coach, and word around the campfire is that PK told Lavi that the ball is rather firmly lodged in his court–so Lavi was the master of his own fate. He loves it here, his family loves it here, and he wanted to stay–and so Great Leader let him stay.

I just hope that we can avoid a “three months of suck” this time around, because…well…that sucked.

07
May

Let’s get it together, dumbass.

By The Acid Queen 0 Comments
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Categories: Mediocy

OK, so 99.9 The Fan is the Hurricanes’ flagship station. Their hosts usually have it together–Mike Maniscalco, for one. I love the man, even though he’s from Buffalo and (nominally) a Slugfan. Knows his hockey, loves to talk his hockey, and gives some pretty spectacular interviews.

HOWEVER: Mark Thomas, their afternoon drivetime co-host? He needs to learn something about hockey if he wants me to take him seriously–either that or he needs to just admit that he knows dick-all about the Sport of the Gods and is unwilling to learn anything about the Sport of the Gods so that I can just tune him out when he starts flappin’ his yap about the Sport of the Gods.

FOR EXAMPLE:

Today Mark was interviewing Matt Gellatly, the Raleigh boy who just got drafted to Saginaw of the OHL. Among other things, Mark asked the kid about (and I quote) “lighting it up”. G-dude asked him what he meant by “lighting it up”, and Mark’s response made it clear that he was asking if the kid fights or pounds people–and he did an asstacular job of trying to cover himself on it.

WTF?

It’s the JUNIORS, you meathead–the players don’t fight in Juniors these days unless they want a suspension! If you want to fight, you go to Derek Boogaard’s summer camp or something. You don’t go to juniors. And then asking him if he “lit it up” in the RYHA–meaning the same thing? Err….yeah.

I mean, really. Even 850 the Buzz has their shit together and the hosts tend to be fairly up-front about not knowing hockey as well as, say, any fan not named Mike in Cary–but 99.9? They’re the freakin’ flagship station. Their hosts should really have it more together so’s not to embarrass the team whose games they carry.

30
Apr

And in other news….

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Categories: Canes-specific, Mediocy and media boyfriends

Bret of the Gimpy Hip appeared on NHL Live yesterday (show is linked here–it’s the April 29th show, Hedi appears at the 19-minute mark).

The things that were discussed (in some sort of order):

1) DWTS – Bret talked about how proud he is of Kristi and how she’s doing and how her background as an athlete has prepared her for the show. He’s trying to enjoy it and have fun, which is cool. Also said that they should find a hockey player to be on the show (my vote goes to Jeremy Roenick–he’s such a media-whore and a showman that I think he’d actually do pretty well).

2) The end of the season and playoffs — Bret talked about how much of a bummer it was to miss after the late-season rally (especially given how Ottawa took that huge nosedive), he sang the praises of Peter Laviolette’s insistence on accountability and his refusal to make or accept excuses, and made special mention (I thought) of how Lavi rallied the troops after the Warchief fell in combat. Among other things, he said (and I quote) “Peter did a great job right down the stretch of making everyone accountable for their job, and consequently we were winning games.” (If JimR fires Lavi that will cause way way way more problems for the team than it would solve. — my personal opinion)

2) 1994 and 2006, trying to repeat as Champs – he talked about playing at the Garden, talked about the 1994 Canucks team, and tied it in to 2006 and how he understood how the Oilers felt after that game because he’d been there before. He also talked about how banged up he was after 2006, and how hard it is to repeat because the long season and long playoffs are so physically and mentally draining.

3) The Southeast — I quote: “Hey, YOU try playing Ovechkin every night! You play against him eight nights a year!”  Bret’s commentary about the Southeast boiled down to him saying that the people that call the Southeast “weak” are full of shit and that they’re way more competitive than people would think (personally, I think that if the rest of the Central gets its act together that Division will wind up becoming the new Southeast). I quote also: “The Southeast Division is not no slouch division.(sic)”  (I winced at the grammar issues.)

4) Miscellany — gushed about his kids, talked about DWTS a little bit more, and general chitchat about the playoffs. Also did not say whether or not he’d retire, though personally I think he should.

11
Mar

Small E-Peen Syndrome and You

By The Acid Queen 3 Comments
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Categories: Canes-specific, Mediocy, Screw Bristol, Southeast Division, fan stupidity and snark

Great Wailing, Gnashing of Teeth, OH THE HUMANITY – hfboards.com

Yes, once again the vast majority of the Caniac Nation is up in arms over Scott Cullen’s “Rankings of Who I Like”. Nastygrammes have been written, whines have been posted in various places, and people are even bitching on the concourses at the RBC. All I have to say is:

Knock it off and stop embarrassing me, you drooling idiots.

I mean, really.

Are our e-peens really that damn small, that we feel the need to scream, holler, and send nastygrammes to some toolbox at Bristol North just because he won’t rank the Hurricanes where we feel he should rank them? Why should we even care what an acknowledged Sens homer thinks of our team? I mean, really–just because we torpedoed the Sens by trading them Mike Commodore and Cory Stillman, that doesn’t necessarily mean that dudeman is bitter.

(I was kidding about the torpedoing, Sens fans–please put the pitchforks and torches down)

I’ve said before and I’ll say again: Scott Cullen made it crystal clear in the Year of the Cup that he ranks teams according to his personal likes and dislikes, and that said ranking is only marginally affected by such things as the absolutely ridiculous “formula” that he so heavily touts on TSN’s website as if it were some sort of +8 Periapt of Proof Against Angry Fans. The Sooper Sekrit Foarmyooluh is a myth, kids. There is no possible algorithm yet invented that could possibly explain some of the rankings that this guy posts–anyone with half a braincell can figure that out–so I see no reason to waste any more time and effort whining about (or at) him. All it’s doing is making you look like you’re a bigger tool than he is.

Just sayin’.

06
Feb

Done.

By The Acid Queen 3 Comments
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Categories: AQ's a Media Whore, Beating the hornet's nest, Heavy-drinking AQ, Mediocy, Screw Bristol and Southeast Division

For those who listened to NHL Live today to hear Don and EJ goof on me, here is what I wrote from the depths of my server room:

Guys,

If the only way the Hurricanes can make the playoffs is to be third-by-default, then I don’t want them to make the playoffs at all. Period.

2004 and 2006 were supposed to be the new paradigm for the rest of the Southeast Division to live up to. The new “no more Southleast” idea was supposed to be the banner that the Hurricanes would rally around as they marched out of the depths of slack-ass mediocrity.

What we have here now? It wasn’t supposed to happen. Our defense wasn’t supposed to suck, our offense wasn’t supposed to just go poof after October ended, and 2007 was supposed to become a quickly fading memory as the Hurricanes went on another deep playoff run. It was supposed to be better. It was supposed to be a corner-turning, the proverbial dawn of a new day, but instead the Hurricanes are once again stuck at the light with a tank full of fumes and falling toward another 2002-2003 style Season From Hell.

And the killer for me? I see no urgency. I get no “oh crap, we gotta get on it” vibe.

If that’s all that the Hurricanes want to do–rest on old laurels–then I hope they never make the playoffs again.

It hurts me in my heart to say that, but it’s time for some serious toughlove on the part of this fan.

Sorry for writing instead of calling, but I’m stuck in a server room with no phone at the moment.

Cheers,

AQ

For the record: The year the Hurricanes won the Cup, they were second in the East–by ONE point. The third seed (who was third-by-default) was New Jersey with 101 points. The Sabres were third-on-points with 110.

Also: It’s the settling for third-by-default that leads to people bashing the Southeast. Nevermind that the Central is the weakest division in the NHL, with the Red Wings feasting on all their conference rivals (except for Chicago)–people habitually expect the Southeast Division to be the mediocre division, largely because they are mediocre. Or rather, because they tend to play like it. And the fans just settle for it. “Oh, third seed is good enough.”

Screw that. Go hard or go freaking home already. Don’t freaking settle.

19
Dec

Math for Hockey Fans

By The Acid Queen 2 Comments
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Categories: David Shoalts is an assclown, Game Night and Mediocy

Note to self: (CSI + (mute + closed-caption)) + (ChuckandtheletterK + volume2) + ((Cat * 2) / (lap + tummy)) + OT game-winner = ((pain + claw-marks)2) + (band-aids2 + Neosporin)

Yes, I watched CSI in the living room while I had ChuckandtheletterK on in the computer room–Mmmmm, CSI (my new favourite show) and hockey. Two great tastes that go great together.

Before the game, Dave Shoalts of the Globe and Mail decided to level yet another pathetic blast at the Hurricanes–yes kids, he trotted out the same old lame-ass NASCAR smack. Oh yeah, and he mentioned two of the three ACC teams here in the Triangle. Hey dumbass, you forgot NCSU.

Of course, this is the same fuckwad that said two seasons ago that we don’t deserve a hockey team down here (oh, excuse me–he said that we’re “not a hockey market”, as if there’s such a huge distinction) because an RBC securebot didn’t immediately recognize Bret of the Gimpy Hip’s father-in-law (scroll down to to the entry from 25 November 2005), so of course I wasn’t exactly surprised to see yet more effluent issue forth from his pen. Dave, you’re an idiot. You’re a pathetic execrable geographically-challenged1 Jack Todd wannabe, except that you pilot the failboat when it comes to the ability to be petty and nasty. That, and you’re not a filthy deserter either. Actually, that last part is a plus. But you’re still captain of the USS Failing Away.

p.s. Thank you Toronto for the two points. We appreciate ‘em greatly.

1: As I have said many times before–the closest track is in Charlotte, which is two hours away. Not only that, but the Leafs’ TV rightsholder asked the NHL to push back the start time of a Leafs game to accomodate the broadcast of a NASCAR race in the GTMA (which I will keep mentioning until the end of time, so get over it people). So take that NASCAR garbage, fold it until it is all sharp corners, and shove it where the goal light doesn’t shine kthxbye.

09
Nov

And one more thing….

By The Acid Queen 2 Comments
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Categories: Mediocy

I think I might be changing my (drastically low) opinion of Versus.

Might be. Didn’t say I would.

I’m doing it because they’ve rolled out a show featuring the only individual on the planet who makes in-commentary references that are more arcane than mine:

Dennis Miller.

I now have a reason to watch their network when the ‘Canes aren’t on it–well OK, when they’re not showing The Serene Master the Rangers too. Tuesday nights after NHL coverage ends, Sports Unfiltered With Dennis Miller begins–watch and enjoy.

Here is a vidclip from the debut episode:

31
Oct

Trick or Treat, bitchez!

By The Acid Queen 0 Comments
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Categories: Mediocy and Southeast Division

To: Steve Gorten, South Florida Sun-Sentinel

From: The Acid Queen, Hurricanes blogger

Subj: Your Game-day Whine

Mr. Gorten,

I realize that you want to get fans’ minds off the fact that their team wilts like one of Gordon Ramsay’s commis chefs when they’re under pressure1. I realize that you want to divert attention from the fact that your team’s captain looks like a naked mole rat. I realize that you just want to get the fans fired up for tonight’s game against the Hurricanes and conveniently ignore the SIX THIRD-PERIOD GOALS that were scored by the Hurricanes to tie it up in that last game. I realize that. It’s okay.

But really–calling us divers because you lost to us the night before Crunk-ass Eddie got pwnt by the Miami-Dade PD…because Eric Staal lost an edge and fell on his ass and the ref made an erroneous hooking call? You gotta be kidding me!

And the rest of you lot down there aren’t much better. Fans on a Panthers board are planning to show up at the Cat Box tonight wearing goggles and swim caps and standing on the ‘Canes end of the ice to try to “make them realize that they’re a bunch of divers”. Wow, and here I thought Sabres fans were some bigtime sore losers. I guess y’all just can’t hang with getting pwned by us on a regular basis–can’t beat us with Luongo, can’t beat us with Belfour…maybe Tomas Vokoun will get pantsed by Frankie Kaberle on an OT penalty shot and toss his stick up into the netting again. That should be fun, especially when you and your fellow South Florida mediots (not to mention the Panthers) find something new to whine and cry about should the Hurricanes lay the smack down tonight.

In closing, I’d like to offer you one crying towel from last year’s ECF. It’s only slightly used and has some ready-made excuses printed on it so that when the ‘Canes beat down the Panthers another seven times this season, you’ll have some seed material for yet another whiny argh-ticle.

Love and kisses,

AQ

p.s. Potvin Sucks.

1: Yes, Captain Obvious, I realize that article is from the Palm Beach Post. Sue me for using it to make a point, OK?

09
Sep

No Excuses

By The Acid Queen 12 Comments
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Categories: Mediocy, attendance and fan stupidity

WELL.

 The Red Wings aren’t selling out and are having trouble keeping their bandwagon STHs. I have two words to say to that:

Boo. Hoo.

You heard me: Boo hoo, the poor Red Wings are having attendance issues. My heart really bleeds for them–not.

What kills me is that there are excuses being made by one of the Deep Diggers: It’s the economy. The economy!  The old double-standard is hard at work in Wings Nation, kids: It’s OK for a northern team like Detoilet to make excuses for falling attendance, but heaven forfend a southern team doesn’t sell out every game!  Oh noez, we have to contract all those southern teams because they don’t sell out–but it’s OK for Detroit to have issues, because they’re Detroit.

Fuck Detroit, and fuck their excusemaking fans. All through Ragnarok, I had to put up with ar-tards like “Josh from MI” heaping scorn on the Hurricanes and calling for their contraction (along with the contraction of every other team south of Chicago and not named St. Louis or Washington) because they didn’t sell out every game–and the local economy taking a hit because of the dot-bomb bust just wasn’t acceptable, because those teams were down South where we clearly don’t know shit about shit that doesn’t involve constant high-speed left turns…and therefore we just don’t deserve to have the NHL.

If the Red Wings can’t sell out every game, then contract them. If it’s a good enough argument to be used on the Southerners, then it’s damn sure good enough to be used on the Yanquis and to hell with them and their excuses.

29
Aug

Alex Ovechkin: Hockey Star, Badass.

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Categories: Mediocy and Oh those Russians

According to Two Minutes for Blogging (and given the “fairly confident it happened” substantiation by the Washington Post’s Tarik El-Bashir), Alex Ovechkin got into a little dust-up with Evgeni Malkin’s agent and bruised (or broke, depending on the translation) the guy’s jaw.

AO, however, denies it–which, of course, did not stop Russian jock-gossip rag Sport Express from running with the story.

True or not, it’s still fun to imagine Don Cherry kicking over from the shock of a Russian actually fighting.

17
Aug

Disgusting.

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Categories: Crime and Punishment and Mediocy

Winnipeg Sun — Brandon Nolan denied entry into own country; asserts that guards belittled him for being Native

I shook my head when I read this, because to me it’s just the Same Old Shit. I grew up a stone’s throw from a Reservation, and all through my formative years I heard plenty of nasty comments from “upstanding” members of my community about “The People Out West”…and my mother and I were the only ones that ever had an issue with it, which always made for lots of fun.

Of course, we were the only ones in our town that had an issue with people dropping the N-bomb too…so there you go.

I hope that the individuals responsible for this get a legal horsewhipping, because that kind of conduct is and always will be completely and totally unacceptable in a modern society.

16
Aug

Will Wonders Never Cease.

By The Acid Queen 1 Comment
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Categories: Canes-specific, Marketroids and Mediocy

The Carolina Hurricanes have actually retained the services of a PR firm.

The end is nigh, my friends. The org that has been so steadfastly resistant to doing more than the bare minimum of marketing and advertising for so long has decided to hire a bunch of professional marketroids, and just in time for the 10th-anniversary season.

Fuck me, has it been only 10 years?  It seems so long ago.

05
Aug

How’s the air up there?

By The Acid Queen 4 Comments
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Categories: Crime and Punishment, Mediocy and player stupidity

WELL NOW.

Some induhvidual by the name of K. D. Wade has written a letter to the News and Observer decrying the fact that the Hurricanes haven’t done anything to Eric Staal in the wake of his arrest other than say “He wasn’t the one hassling motorists and he was asleep when the cops came to kick his group out, so to us it’s a non-issue”.

I would like to take this opportunity to thank Citizen Wade for his letter.

Apparently, since Eric Staal was asleep when the police arrived to toss his noisy group from his hotel, and since he was part of a group that was arrested by a couple of bored Barney Fifes when a handful of them started acting the fool and hollering at passing cars as they were walking down the road, he needs to be IMMEDIATELY suspended by the Hurricanes and the NHL lest the message be sent to young people that it’s OK to drink and be an idiot.

Because of course, being walking along the side of the road while drunk is exactly like shooting steroids to hit lots of home runs, running dogfighting rings, and generally living the thug life. And clearly, no young people in this community have parents to tell them that it’s not cool to have a few beers and then just go to bed. I wonder, would Citizen Wade have preferred that the group got behind the wheel? I guess that would be better than walking down the road after being tossed from a resort hotel because of a couple of drunken morons that wouldn’t listen to instructions while their host was asleep in bed, hmm?

Be that as it may; I would like to thank Citizen Wade for publicly offering me his seat at the RBC Center this season–I’ll be sure put it to good use, attending more games this season than Citizen Wade has likely attended the entire time the Hurricanes have been in Raleigh. I’m sure that while I’m happily cheering for my beloved Hurricanes, Citizen Wade will be “more constructively” spending his time polishing the saddle on his high horse.

I just hope he doesn’t pass out and fall off the ladder–I hear that the air is a little rare up there.

Fuckhead.

30
Jul

From Bad to Worse…and Then Back to Bad

By The Acid Queen 4 Comments
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Categories: Mediocy, Screw Bristol and snark

Courtesy of Emperor Paul I:

NHL in talks with Bristol. Bettman says “What can I say, we miss our old abusive relationship.”

Because really, The Worldwide Leader In Rodeo didn’t give the NHL short enough shrift (and act enough like the League only has five teams) the first time around.

More exposure? From Bristol? If Bristol will treat the NHL better than NBC has, I’m the Pope. Don’t blame me, I was only following orders. Of course, I will give Bristol one thing: they can certainly do better than to have former Whalers coach (not to mention the chief fellator of Sidney Crosby and, of course, whoever is playing against the team he used to coach) Pierre McGuire and Mad Mike Milbury as the talking heads in the studio.

WUWT, 30 Rock? You pick possibly the two biggest assclowns in hockey as your broadcast crew over the far superior Ray Ferraro and Bill Clement? May I have some of whatever the high-ups at NBC Sports are smoking, please?

Sheesh.

28
Jun

Lose some, win some, keep some.

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Categories: Mediocy and Triangle sports radio

As of this morning, the ‘Canes had been dropped by Triangle media conglomerate Curtis Media–or more correctly, Curtis Media decided not to renew their contract with the ‘Canes. Can’t say I’m surprised–the vibe I’ve always gotten from Curtis was one of “eh, they’re here, have fun” (though Curtis Media station 96Rock really had a blast pimping the team).

As of about noonish or so, the ‘Canes announced a new deal with Triangle media mainstay Capitol Broadcasting Company (owned by Jim Goodmon, who also owns the Durham Bulls AAA beisbol team). This is a good thing–the station that they’re on has a crap coverage area, but it’s still a good thing because it opens the door for Goodmon eventually investing in the team (which will strengthen its place in the Triangle, much to the dismay of the RHWO nutbags).

As of about 1:00 or so, the ‘Canes announced that they’d re-signed radio play-by-play man Chuck Kaiton.

So far, so good.

14
Jun

And people had the bollocks to bitch.

By The Acid Queen 1 Comment
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Categories: Mediocy, Screw Bristol and TV coverage

When I blasted the NHL’s decision to go with OLN/Versus for their NHL coverage, I had so many people telling me that I should just be happy hockey is on TV.

Those same people are now bitching because Versus has, once again, bollocksed up coverage and is apparently not willing to do anything about other than show the program at 11 instead of 7:00 as originally scheduled.

I bet Ed Snider’s really proud of his pet network right now. I know I would be.

05
Jun

Leafs blame Islander for missing playoffs; Chairman Mo renews contract with Old Scratch.

By The Acid Queen 4 Comments
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Categories: Damien Cox is an assclown, GM Insanity and Mediocy

Oh, now this is funny.

It’s all Sean Hill’s fault that the Mo-ple Leafs missed the playoffs this season.

Were it a Leaf that had been popped and the situations reversed, would JFJ be crying? Of course not. Leafs fans are angry at another year without a Cup, playoffs, and Lil’ Fergie needs somebody to blame so that the fans don’t come marching down Younge Street with torches and pitchforks to re-enact the opening :15 of “Witch Hunt”.

Enter one Sean Hill. Hockey player, performance-enhancing substance user–and JFJ’s roomie when they both played for the Godless Habominations. I’m still waiting to find out what Hill got popped for, kids. What did he take, and when did he take it? And for that matter, if it was ‘roids then how did he manage to avoid showing signs of use? Was it the cream? The clear? Rogaine?  Lanacaine?  What was it?

Whatever. Hilly was appealing his suspension during the stretch, he was–under the rules–allowed to play during that appeal process, and he is not the reason why the Leafs choked a bid at the 8th seed in the East. The Isles outplayed the Leafs as a team during the last two weeks of the season, while the Leafs did their best impression of the 03-04 Hurricanes and Chairman Mo made his usual excuses.

If you want somebody to blame, Fergie, blame DUBIELEWICZ. It’s all his fault.

Damn that DUBIELEWICZ.

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