Sweet Tea, Barbecue, and Bodychecks

Conspiracy. or Incompetence? You be the judge — Tennessean.com

Well isn’t this a fine kettle of fish? The NHL is so hell-bent on not allowing Jim Balsillie to have a team, that they’re willing to give a team to the second coming of John Spano.

Yep, it turns out that “Boots” DelBiaggio (who makes me ashamed as hell to be Italian) is…well, let’s be blunt: he’s a full-force foursquare fraud. Does he have money? NO. So what’d he do? Borrow money from the outgoing owner of the Predators (one Craig Leipold, who now owns the Minnesota Wild) and the owners of the Los Angeles Kings (that would be Peter Anschutz’s Anschutz Entertainment Group (AEG)). Not only that, but the League decided not to perform the “required” due diligence to make sure that the unctuous little bastard actually had the cash to hand to be able to run the team.

As much as I dislike the smarmy git, I am starting to get in line with NHLPA boss Paul Kelly: give Jim Balsillie a team. Seriously. He may be a douche, but at least he’s been up front about wanting to buy an existing team, gut it, drive away all the fans and drive down the team’s value so that he can yank it up and put it in freakin’ Hamilton. We know that’s what his game is, because he’s made no secret of it. But the owners–not the Commissioner, but the owners who put him in charge and keep him in charge–are so against this guy getting involved that they’re willing to approve sales to people of questionable financial stature just to keep him away.

Let’s just avoid future dramaz–just give Jim Balsillie any team without a Cup under its belt and let’s just get it the hell over with, because in the long run he’ll be a far better owner than “Boots”.

WELL. The big topic today is an article in the N&O about the stupidity of the NHL when it comes to handing out suspensions. Luke has also blogged a followup, and of course there are comments.

I don’t know that I totally agree with Luke’s math, but the main thrust of the article is that there is a gross discrepancy/inequality in the way that the NHL hands out suspensions. I fired off an e-maul to Don LeGreca and EJ Hradek (the guys who make NHL Live such fun to listen to), with my comments (not all of which were read on the air, partly because of the length and–well, you’ll see):

Don and EJ,

Luke DeCock (yes that really is his name) has a rather interesting article in this morning’s News and Observer (Raleigh’s fishwrap).

http://www.newsobserver.com/sports/story/999555.html (So EJ can pull it up while this gets read)

Specifically, Luke talks about suspensions and the apparently random manner in which they are handed out.

For example: A guy who received two suspensions in the AHL for piledriving guys head-first at speed into the boards breaks an opponent’s neck by–surprise surprise–piledriving that opponent head-first at speed into the boards, is unrepentant about it…and gets a mere three games.

Another guy headshots an opponent in a critical playoff game, gets suspended one game–and then goes on to repeat his performance in the next round, knowing that at worst he’ll have to sit out the next game while the guy he headhunted is out for the rest of the playoffs and facing the possibility of having to retire early as a result of the hit.

Yet another player stomps on an opponent’s skate-boot, and gets only thirty games even though he has a rather lengthy history of being cheaper than a working girl from Newark. (For the record, I have been to Newark on several occasions. I stand by the jab–AQ)

And then we have the toolbox who deliberately piledrove the opposing team’s leading scorer head-first into the boards, and got nothing except a five-minute boarding major–and coaches just get told to keep their yaps shut and not say anything, for fear that their team may wind up becoming a target for some kind of retributive action.

I don’t get it–maybe I missed a memo or something, but perhaps you, illuminated scholars that you are, can explain to me the gross discrepancy in the (quote-unquote) “justice” that is meted out by the clownshoe who sits in the Discipline Czar’s seat to the 29 teams that his son doesn’t play for.

Thanks,

AQ

So there you have it–my comments, which got mangled in hilarious fashion by Don “Tee hee Del Greco”*. The first incident I cited in my example is officially dispensed with in my book, since the aggressor and aggressed threw down with each other and honour was satisfied. But still, only three games? Sorry, but that deserved more than the absolutely penurious suspension that was given.

Chris Pronger has almost as much of a history as Chris Simon, yet he gets dinky-doo for headhunting in two successive playoff rounds and nothing (at least, until the publication of Luke’s article) for his latest shenanigans–while Simon actually gets something approximating (in the Colin Campbell bizarre-world) a just and proper suspension.

It’s well past time for Colin Campbell to either step down or grow a pair and start giving out proper suspensions for cheap and dirty play. Hopefully this happens soon…and hopefully the Hurricanes don’t wind up suffering for the work of Luke and his compadres at the N&O.

*: An e-mailer playfully teased Don by ending her e-mail with “Tee Hee, Del Greco”–a reference to a retort John Davidson had to Don’s calling him the biggest homer in the NHL: “Why should I care what an ex-placekicker thinks?”

So my dear old Radeon 9800 Pro went tits-up last week. It wasn’t that old, really–so why, pray tell, were parts falling off of it? Your guess is as good as mine.

Through the magic of eBay, I now have a new video card…just in time for me to miss the start of the season because of my yob. I can only entertain myself by tormenting NCSU freshmen and high-school students for so long before it gets old, kids. Another UFinishIt.com POS? Gods I hate September.

OK, so Chris The Penalty Killer and Bubba were on 850 the Buzz earlier this week. Bubba opines that Chris looks kinda like Scott “Remo Williams” Walker, but I beg to differ–I’ve met Chris. He looks nothing at all like Remo. Just sayin’.

And the BoG finally got the hint that fans were tired of not being able to see teams from the opposing conference more than once in a blue moon, so the schedule’s going back to the way it used to be…sort of. Guess people will have to find a new excuse when a SE Division team wins the Cup, huh? The only bad thing about this? I have to put up with the assiest members of the Red Wings Bandwagon Nation at the RBC again, as well as having to deal with the SlugThugs twice a season. But, you kinda gotta take the bad with the good I guess.

And speaking of Bubbalo, not only did the Sabres show their collective class by suspending Teppo Numminen without pay because the guy has a heart condition and they can’t count on that insurance money to line Golisano’s pockets, but Blue Jays, Bills, and (of ALL people) Maple Leafs season ticket holders got to jump the queue on ticket sales for the Blizzard Bowl err Winter Classic. Dowhatnow?  Last I checked, neither T-O-R-O-N-T-O M-A-P-L-E L-E-A-F-S nor T-O-R-O-N-T-O B-L-U-E J-A-Y-S spelled “Pittsburgh Penguins” or “Buffalo Sabres”–so why were the Leafs STHs allowed to buy tickets ahead of Pens and Sabres STHs? For that matter, why are Blue Jays (or for that matter, Bills) STHs even allowed to be involved in the ticket-buying privileges?  It’s not even the same gods-damned sport! Somebody explain it to me, please, because I am wicked confused.

And finally–’Canes training camp continues apace, as 15 players get assigned to Albany. Friday night, the Hurricanes take on the Nashville Predators at the RBC Center. Doors open at 6ish, Puck drops at 7. Get there early and tailgate.

Go Canes.

When I saw the posts on HLOG and Behind the Jersey, I laughed. “No way,” I said, “would that happen to us.”

And then I decided that perhaps I should go check on that before I point and laugh…I’m so sorry I did.

“Look cute while rooting for your favorite team!” — NHL

I want the names of the persons responsible for this travesty, and I want their heads on pikes in front of my apartment by noon tomorrow! Pink says “Old Time Hockey” about like Abu Ghraib says “Free Glamour Shots Sitting”.

PINK? PINK?! Gee NHL, stereotype much? It has been my extensive experience that the average female fan is a fan of the GAME first, and the players a distant second. I’d wear that Warchief shirt, if it were actually in Hurricanes colors and I wasn’t built like the Fruit-of-the-Loom Apple Dude. But pink? Oh HELL no–I do not need some drunken smacktard taking a look at me wearing some Pepto Pink pile of crap and projectile vomiting a bunch of puckbunny smack in my general direction, nor does any other female fan who goes to the game because they love hockey (rather than because they’re adorning their boyfriend’s arm or hope to catch the eye of J. Random McNHLPlayer).

The marketing and merchandising department of the NHL needs to pull their heads out of their asses and figure out that their average female fan is NOT going to go for this. Of course, that’s about like asking the NHL to put a team in Moose Jaw, SK…fuckheads.

A: When you lead with the shoulder.

We’ve all seen the video and read the reports (and a few message board posts, and a few other blog posts), so we know what happened. On a night when Hall of Fame cheapshot artist Scott Stevens was in the Swamp, Devils thug Cam Janssen decided to line up Maple Leafs defenseman Tomas Kaberle behind the play and level him with a Stevens-style “lead with the shoulder, leave your feet, and follow through with the elbow” hit.

Let’s go to the videotape.

As you can see, Kaberle did not have the puck–it having left his stick a full second before (as opposed to the Neil hit on Briere–which, though iffy, was close enough to the play to be considered a late-stage part of the play*). Janssen left his feet when delivering his check, and you see the elbow come up for the follow-through. Gee, I wonder: where have we seen stuff like this before? At least the dirty little shitbag didn’t stand over the guy gloating.

What galls me is this:

1) No penalty, even though there were officials looking RIGHT THE HELL AT THE HIT. Let’s hear it for referee incompetence! *I* could make a better referee than 90% of the current crop in the NHL….and I can’t even skate!

I quote from Rule 47: Charging (a penalty that never seems to get called, even when it needs to be–like the other night):

Charging shall mean the actions of a player who, as a result of distance traveled, shall violently check an opponent in any manner. A “Charge” may be the result of a check into the boards, into the goal frame or in open ice.

1. A minor or major penalty shall be imposed on a player who skates or jumps into, or charges an opponent in any manner.
2. When a major penalty is imposed under this Rule for a foul resulting in an injury to the face or head of an opponent, a game misconduct shall be imposed, and an automatic fine of one hundred dollars ($100).

Yeah, hello? Some gutless puke lines up a guy behind the play to take him out with a 100-point shoulder-and-elbow combo, and leaves his feet while doing it (for the Devils fans reading-impaired: That’s called “jumping into somebody”)…and there’s no penalty? Whiskey. Tango. Foxtrot. Do these guys even read their own damn rulebook?

No wonder the NHL is seen as clownshoes by non-fans–the officials are a bunch of Keystone Kops who are too busy tripping over their skatelaces and showing off their leet non-reffing skillz for the fans that they can’t be bothered to actually enforce the blasted rules.

2) A measly 3-game suspension. Is the “3″ button the only button that Clownshoe Colin knows how to push? Not that I’m still irate over Erik Cole’s broken neck or anything, but hello? WTF was that, Colin? A chicken-bone for the dog? What would it have been if Kaberle’s neck had been broken–five games? Four and a required viewing of a video about workplace injuries?

It’s garbage like this that leaves the NHL relegated to being the fifth of the Big Four Sports–and I don’t see it getting any better while fuckheads like Clownshoe Colin and Gary the Magical Talking Ass are in charge.

(BTW Leafs fans, don’t be surprised at your team’s non-response to this. It’s one of the hallmarks of a Mo-coached team.)

OK, so let’s reheat the whole brouhaha surrounding my alleged assertion that result should factor into suspensions.

The Capitals faced off against the Rangers the other night, and Colton Orr got himself five games for running across the ice and cross-checking Alex Ovechkin in the grill (an act that undoubtedly pleased more than a few drunken losers). When the Flyers-Canes game wound down last night, Derian Hatcher charged across the ice and cross-checked Justin Williams in the back (an act that undoubtedly pleased a few more drunken losers)–and he’ll get no suspension for it.
Donald Brashear, meanwhile, got only one game for sucker-punching Aaron Ward–because there was no injury.

If that’s why Brashear only got one game for his antics, then can somebody who is not a Sabres fan please explain to me why it’s OK that Scott Nichol got nine games for doing the same thing to Jaroslav Spacek?

When is intent to injure not intent to injure, and what are Clownshoe Colin’s parameters for handing out suspensions?  That’s what I’d like to know.

Scott Nichol gets nine games for sucker-punching Jaro Spacek, Erik Cole rolls eyes. Film at 11.

OK, I can see one game, more if there was injury involved. But Spacek wasn’t hurt–so where the fuck did Clownshoe Campbell come up with NINE GAMES?  It wasn’t like anyone’s neck was broken or anything.

Don’t tell me–this was to make up for serial killer Alex Ovechkin’s willful and deliberate attempt to decapitate emo-boy Briere, right?

*shakes head and walks away*