Sweet Tea, Barbecue, and Bodychecks

So tonight I’ve decided that instead of listening to ChuckandtheletterK, I’ll watch the game–which will piss off my husband (because that means he won’t be able to watch Glen xenophoBeck or Bully O’Racist), but I really don’t care.

And that’s where I am right now. Not caring much. Don’t get me wrong, I do want the Hurricanes to pull off a miracle a la the ‘75 Islanders. I really do. But I’m not going to get all up in teh dramaz or lose my shit if they lose.

IF they lose. It’s always an if until the final buzzer sounds–I mean, I’m just sayin’ here.

Puck drops at 7:30. Hopefully the Hurricanes can take the brooms that some “classy” Pens fans decided to toss onto the ice the other night and ram them up those toolbags’ backsides.

….that there is no Vast Anti-Hurricanes Conspiracy in the ECF:

Ryan Bayda gets lucky, only fined for cheap high-stick to Kris Letang’s grill — WRALSportsFan.com

Yeah fellow Caniacs, you heard me. My Man Ryan Bayda, the dude that I called as a Hurricanes draft pick in ‘01, got lucky. He should have been suspended. Scott Walker should have been suspended for his antics in Game 5 of the ECSF–though in fairness, I suspect that the reason he didn’t get suspendered is because AWard just stood there and deliberately took the punch, hoping to draw the penalty.

Either way, they were both cheap. Whether to a lesser or greater degree, they were both just as cheap as Matt Cooke’s knee-on-knee hit on Erik Cole and they both deserved to get LARTed for it.

Game 3 tomorrow night at the RBC–I’ll be camping the internet-radio and listening to ChuckandtheletterK as usual.

Go Canes.

There has been a great hue and cry raised in various areas about the Vast NHL Conspiracy to keep the Hurricanes and the Blackhawks (especially the Hurricanes) from advancing to the SCF–after only one game.

Wow. That’s all I can say, just “wow”.

Kids, really; there is no conspiracy. This is the NHL–they can’t even schedule a playoff series right, much less come up with some grand conspiracy to fix games in favour of this or that team!

OK, so Matt Cooke is a dirty cheap-ass piece of crap who deserved to get suspended after his accidentally-on-purpose knee on knee hit to Erik Cole. Scott Walker deserved a suspension after punching Aaron Ward, and he didn’t get one. Alex Ovechkin deserved a suspension after HIS accidentally-on-purpose knee on knee hit to Sergei Gonchar, and he didn’t get one.

Suspensions just aren’t happening in these playoffs. We need to suck it up and get over it…praying for better officials and for Colin Campbell to be replaced with somebody who can actually do what needs to be done, however, is always a good idea.

p.s. Luke DeCock agrees with me. And thanks to the Pens fans who down-voted the previous few posts. That made me laugh.

OK, now you’ve all gone and done it. You’ve all gone and pissed me right the hell off.

Hurricanes: HOW THE FRELL DO YOU BLOW A LEAD LIKE THAT?!  I was ready to march down to the RBC Center and slap some people, starting with Paul “defensive shell” Maurice. Really–when you are up 3-0, you DON’T sit back and camp the lead, especially against a team whose top line has outscored yours by 10-1! You press the attack. You keep it moving. You DON’T camp your own zone and pray that the clock runs out before your lead does! Even I know that, and I’m not a coach!

ATTN CHAIRMAN MO: THE DEFENSIVE SHELL SUCKS. STOP USING IT.

And then we have the game-winning goal, which has all and sundry Devils fans (and Marty Brodeur) crying and whining “WAAAAAAAH INTERFERENCE WAAAAAAAH!”  Yeah, I really loved turning on Hockey This Morning on XM and hearing that tool Charles from Texas talking about how “Bro-DURR” was interfered with when the video shows that the contact was incidental AND that Brodeur was outside the crease by two and a half frellin’ feet! This is NOT Republican Rome, and Martin Brodeur is NOT one of the Plebeian Tribunes. He is not inviolate, people. No goalie is inviolate when he leaves his crease. Get over it. Now our third goal?  OK, there you could make a very compelling case for interference. But the game-winner?  That’s just sour grapes, right there.

MEMO TO DEVILS FANS AND CHICO RESCH: THERE WAS NO FRELLING INTERFERENCE. NOBODY OUTSIDE OF YOUR LITTLE BOX AGREES WITH YOU, WHICH SHOULD TELL YOU SOMETIHNG. WATCH THE VIDEO INSTEAD OF CRYING.

My final dose of ire is directed at the classless bags of mostly ass that decided to embarrass me by throwing crap at Brodeur after the game.  What the hell were you morons thinking?!  Were you thinking?  By what frakking measure is it acceptable to throw things at an opposing player?  I wouldn’t even condone acting like that toward the Detroit gods-damned Red Wings–AND I HATE THEM! I would love to see one of you drooling garbage-chucking idiots try to justify to me how it is acceptable to throw things at an opposing player as he leaves the ice. Really. And try to do it without calling me a puckbunny or telling me I don’t know anything about hockey (thus exposing yourself as a complete know-nothing).

And, in closing, I just want to say thank you to Mike Keenan for trading Roberto Luongo OUT of the Southeast Division. Sorry, Blues fans.

I write a post congratulating the Red Wings on winning the Cup. I was–so I thought, anyway–quite complimentary, laudatory even. I went out of my way to praise them, even. The Chief links it, showing the contrast between my post and the rather venomous screeds that were posted by a few Avs and Blues fans.

As you see from the comments, I wound up getting blasted by some of the Chief’s regulars anyway.

That’s what I get for trying to show a modicum of good sportsmanship, I guess.

(I had some less-complimentary things I was going to say as part of the above, but I decided to follow the example set by–of all people–the Red Wings’ current and previous Captains and stay classy)

Moving on:

A guy on X Random Messageboard seriously suggested that Bret of the Gimpy Hip’s jersey be retired…only to immediately backtrack and say “I was really just stirring the pot” after being challenged by a couple people. Of course you were just stirring the pot, dude–that’s why, when you were originally challenged, you said “Oh, I want to see him recognized for all he’s done for the team”.

Dude, srsly. Give Gimpy a nice gift when he comes back with whatever team he signs with in the offseason or something–that’s what the Hurricanes that made it through the Greensboro years all got together and did for Kevin Dineen. Have an alumni night some years from now where our first Cup team gets recognized (perhaps when the Warchief’s jersey gets retired). But retiring his jersey? Hell no. No way has he done anything to warrant that.

Just being “a leader” is not enough. Just winning a Cup is not enough. Getting a jersey retired is and should be a singular and rare honour that is given only to those people whose career with the team stands out far above anyone else’s. It’s why I don’t think Ray Bourque’s jersey should have been retired by Colorado. Yes, he won a Cup with them–but he was there for a season and a freaking half. He totally deserved having his jersey retired by the Bruins…but the Avs? That was a freakin’ joke right there.

Just sayin’, of course.

OK, so.

OK, let me see if I have this right:

Canadiens fans boo another country’s anthem before home games in the playoffs–and have to be told by the PA dude not to do so.

They torch police cars, loot stores, and cause general mayhem after winning the first freaking round.

One of them chucks a beer into the penalty box, to cheers from his seatmates (and nothing was done by Bell Centre staff, from what I saw–except of course to clean the glass off after the game).

Six years ago, several of them tossed ‘nanners and sling racial slurs at a black player after an OT win during the second round–and the rest of that lot claimed that it was really the opposing team’s fans in disguise, just trying to make the Canadiens look bad.

And then of course we have Jack Todd. I’ll stop myself before I go off on that jackass again.

And they have the nerve to call us rednecks?

WE didn’t riot after winning the first round. We didn’t even riot after winning the Finals in 2006. The ONE time I heard some asshat in the stands refer to a black player with a racist epithet, everyone sitting around him threatened to throw the toolbag over the glass so he could call the player that again to his face–and when toolbag demurred, he was told to STFU and stop embarrassing all the rest of us.

I’m sure some Habs troll will show up and say “I won’t be back, but I wanted to say GO HABS and we are more passionate than you are because we do all these things”, but you know what?  Fuck y’all in your ears. I’d rather be classy than “passionate”, if “passionate” means “being on a level with the drunken thugs that invaded the RBC during the 2006 ECF.”

I was cheering for the 10-megaton surface burst in this series (because I have no love for Montreal or Philly), but I may have to rethink my position.

Actually…no. I’m still barracking for the 10MT surface burst.

And the Rangers take on the Pens (and the Sharks throw down with the Stars) in their respective Game 1s tonight. Give ‘em Hell, Harry.

OK, let’s clear a few things up about last night:

1) THERE IS NO FREAKING CONSPIRACY ON THE PART OF THE NHL, THE OFFICIALS, OR ANY OTHER ENTITIES TO GET THE CAPITALS INTO THE PLAYOFFS AT THE EXPENSE OF THE HURRICANES. SO STOP COMMENTING AND SENDING ME E-MAULS WITH THAT SPECIOUS ARGUMENT, BECAUSE IT HOLDS ABOUT AS MUCH WATER AS A LEAKY SIEVE.

2) I shouldn’t have to write that in all-caps, but nothing gets on my tits more than whining about officiating after a loss.

3) Alex Ovechkin is a fun player to watch and he has leet skillz, but he can be a dirty bastard who gets away with a lot more than he should.

4) Scoring overcomes crappy officiating.

5) The Hurricanes were outplayed from the first puck-drop to the final buzzer. So stop whining.

6) The Hurricanes hold their destiny in their hands.

7) Meredith in Richmond can bite me–and on Friday, I’m going to kick her of the top of Pilot Mountain Jet Li style to drive the point home.

8 ) EJ Hradek can bite me. Him and that damnable towel of his. *shakes fist*

9) I’m going to do my work today and let the Hurricanes do whatever it is that they’re going to do.

10) I’m cutting my hair. Those of you who know me well know how significant that is.

Canes take on the Lightning at 7:00 tonight. Be there or be square.

Great Wailing, Gnashing of Teeth, OH THE HUMANITY – hfboards.com

Yes, once again the vast majority of the Caniac Nation is up in arms over Scott Cullen’s “Rankings of Who I Like”. Nastygrammes have been written, whines have been posted in various places, and people are even bitching on the concourses at the RBC. All I have to say is:

Knock it off and stop embarrassing me, you drooling idiots.

I mean, really.

Are our e-peens really that damn small, that we feel the need to scream, holler, and send nastygrammes to some toolbox at Bristol North just because he won’t rank the Hurricanes where we feel he should rank them? Why should we even care what an acknowledged Sens homer thinks of our team? I mean, really–just because we torpedoed the Sens by trading them Mike Commodore and Cory Stillman, that doesn’t necessarily mean that dudeman is bitter.

(I was kidding about the torpedoing, Sens fans–please put the pitchforks and torches down)

I’ve said before and I’ll say again: Scott Cullen made it crystal clear in the Year of the Cup that he ranks teams according to his personal likes and dislikes, and that said ranking is only marginally affected by such things as the absolutely ridiculous “formula” that he so heavily touts on TSN’s website as if it were some sort of +8 Periapt of Proof Against Angry Fans. The Sooper Sekrit Foarmyooluh is a myth, kids. There is no possible algorithm yet invented that could possibly explain some of the rankings that this guy posts–anyone with half a braincell can figure that out–so I see no reason to waste any more time and effort whining about (or at) him. All it’s doing is making you look like you’re a bigger tool than he is.

Just sayin’.

So this Saturday I had to watch the Caps-Canes barnburner on teh t00b–which robbed me of these choice comedic moments:

Olaf Kolzig throwing a little tantrum and breaking his stick after the Hurricanes’ fourth goal.

The goal horn at the RBC blowing a lung.

The Caps fans that bused in going home quietly. (I kid because I love, guys–srsly!)

A few drunk members of our nation’s military trying to re-enact the USO scene from “Apocalypse Now” with several members of the Storm Squad.

Well OK, that last one wasn’t comedic so much as pathetic, but you get the idea.  The Hurricanes have been playing rather well since the Warchief went down–which apparently puzzles such luminaries (ha ha) as EJ Hradek, but doesn’t surprise me. I’d had a feeling that various guys (like Eric Staal) would step their games up, and I was right. I am right.

So tomorrow the Hurricanes face the Devils for the fourth (and last) time this season. The Devils let the Capitals get a point yesterday, which didn’t please me in the least. Hopefully they give us two points tomorrow night. Just sayin’.

So Tuesday night, the Hurricanes celebrate the arrival of their new comrades-in-arms by almost choking a three-goal lead to the Boston Bruins.

Last night, they celebrated my anniversary by beating the Pens down 4-2 and making Evgeni Malkin cry like a little bitch. Well OK, a big bitch.

In a development that has half the ASBOs in Western New York rejoicing in their MD20/20 (and has the more class-free members of the Pens Nation clapping for glee as well–my wife, OTOH, is none too happy), the Warchief is out for the season with a torn ACL. Was it a cheap hit? No. It was a “shit happens” thing–I didn’t see anything deliberate on the part of the Pens (as opposed, of course, to Brooks Orpik piledriving Erik Cole into the boards and breaking his neck–you still can’t convince me that it wasn’t deliberate).

Yes, I have a wife. Two of them! And a husband, and a husband-in-law too. Deal.

So yeah, anyway. The power play finally woke up last night, which was encouraging. It was very encouraging, but I won’t be fully encouraged until I see them keep it up.

Tomorrow night the ‘Canes will play the Panthers at the RBC. Wonder how long it’ll take before they get Vokoun to have another of his very entertaining meltdowns?

Luke DeCock > Dwayne Klessel

Now I believe that Crackers is on waivers.

Ah yes, teh intarnets are all a-buzz with the latest from Dwayne-o:

Crackers is on waivers according to Tim Panaccio’s BFF, Cujo to the Hurricanes is an e4, and fans on X Random Messageboard are all a-twitter about it. I, on the other hand, am being smart about this (as are quite a few others).

Let’s look at the evidence, shall we?

1) The Hurricanes have nothing about it.

2) TSN has nothing about it.

3) The CBC has nothing about it.

4) Bristol has nothing about it.

Therefore, I’m pretty sure at the moment that if none of those proven reputable sources are saying Crackers is on waivers, then Crackers is not on waivers. If my own contacts inside the NHL aren’t saying Crackers is on waivers, then Crackers is not on waivers.

Fuck me, some of you mooks are so gullible. Really. If a Nigerian con-artist e-mails you offering you the princely sum of ten million dollars in exchange for helping him recover six hundred million from an inheritance left to him by his uncle Prince Cheatamugu, do you wire his ass sixty thousand dollars to cover bribes?  Do you give all your money to Oral Roberts and Benny Hinn because they said that your bunions would stop hurting if you did?  Do you fall for the magazine-sellers that come to the door and ask for cash moniez?

 Think about that the next time you read something on Dwayne-O’s Blog O’Crap.

*throws papers in the air and walks away*

OK, this every-other crap has got to stop. Mind you, Friday’s win over the Capitals was no great shakes either–I’ll take that two points thank you kindly, but really. A little consistency would be good. Hells, the October ‘Canes would be good.

I don’t know what’s more frustrating to me, our sputtering power play or the toolbags IN OUR OWN FANBASE that are pissing and moaning that they’ve lost respect for Lavi or that the team sucks or that half the team needs to be traded RIGHT NOW.

Of course, these are the same idiots that piss and whine when we lose, and then turn around and say “YEAH GO TEAM GO WOOOO” when we win. So whatever.

The Hurricanes aren’t hitting anymore–except for Dennis, und Herzlichen Dank für ihn. OK, and Timmay too.  Almost forgot him. But it’s like everyone else has suddenly decided to take a powder or something, and it makes me tear my hair out in frustration because I know what’s wrong, and I know that the team must know what’s wrong, but they’re not doing anything about it. They’re not skating. They’re trying to go for the cute pass and the “perfect” shot and all this other crap. They’re better than that. They know that, I know that, everyone except the biggest idiots from X Random Messageboard knows that.

But until knowledge translates into action, this team is going to keep sputtering and flaking out and driving me even more insane than I already am. Maybe this 8-1 beatdown will wind up being what the doctor ordered.

Last night was the HHOF induction ceremony, with all the requisite understated pomp and circumstance pertaining thereunto. Thank you, Time Warner Cable, for bringing me the NHL Network. Thank you from the bottom of my little black heart. And thank you to my husband for not deleting the ceremony from the DVR to make way for Heroes or Surface or some crap, like you’ve done so many other things that I had on there.

HOWEVER:

I’m sure that some of you have heard about Mike Flanagan’s little escapade at the fan forum Q&A the day before. I admit, I laughed when I read that blog entry–but the laughter was more at the thought of Stevens giving Mike the Hairy Eyeball than it was at Mike opening his yap like that. Mike’s question made me facepalm.

As much as I love Section 328 (even though I can’t sit there because the ‘Canes lose when I do), as much as I like Mike, and as much as I think that the hit Stevens laid on Francis was cheap (just like every other shoulder-and-elbow hit he’s ever laid), dudeman was totally in the wrong here. The venue was wholly inappropriate, and he didn’t do a good job representing the Caniac Nation there.

Sorry mang, ’s just the way I see it.

IN OTHER NEWS:

Erik Cole got cleared to travel with the team to Tampa this morning–what we were all afraid would be a re-broken neck turned out to be an apparent stinger in the general area of his trapezius muscles. I’ve had those before, and they are wicked painful, so I can imagine why he thought his neck was hurt again. Ouch! Of course, this does nothing to change the fact that I hate the Panthers almost as much as the Red Wings. Just sayin’.

Mahalo.

I mean, seriously.

OK, so a dude at UConn made a comment that indicates that he misses the Whalers–how does that make him stupid?  “Get over it”? What?

Yeah. Fuckhead.

The Whale is gone, and everyone except the handful of fruits and nuts in the 13th of April Movement (or whatever the “Return Hartford Whalers Organization” is calling itself these days) has come to grips with it even after 10 years. Some fans followed the team here, some gave up the NHL altogether, some migrated to other teams. Big. Deal. Mentioning the Whale is not a crime, last I checked–the franchise has finally figured that out, and no longer shies away from showing Whalers jerseys on the jumbotron or the TV telecasts (or playing “Brass Bonanza” on the PA).

Brian DeMarco (the columnist at UConn) was complimentary toward the Hurricanes, so I don’t see what warranted the aggro there. Perhaps somebody could point it out to me, please.

Continuing to show ass toward folks that mention the Whale is counterproductive. It serves even less purpose than the internecine wars that marked the birth of the Hurricanes did. One cannot figure out where he is going unless he knows his past–that goes for teams as well. Sweeping the past under the rug serves no constructive purpose, and in the end is only self-destructive because it’ll invariably lead to a redux of past missteps and mistakes.

Just sayin’.

OK, so I’m reading a message-board thread, and I find this smelly little road-apple dropped right in the middle of it:

All and all, Carolina is the best team in the division and should be able to secure a 3rd seed in the Eastern Conference

And I, of course, was done. I am sick and tired of this “oh, we should get the third seed cos we won the Division” crap. I may be one to hedge my bets and say “I hope they do well this season”–but my expectations are pretty plain.

CUP. OR. BUST.

With that comes FIRST. OR. BUST. Why?  Simple: I am sick and frakkin’ tired of the Southeast winding up (more often than not) “third by default” instead of “third on points”, which has happened in every season except for 2004 and 2006. Nobody of course says anything when it’s the Northeast winding up third-by-default (hello, Boston)–but the Southeast? PMF CONTRACT TEH WHOAL DUHVISHUN!!1!one

Fuck me. I am sick and tired of “Oh, I’ll be happy with mediocrity” crap like this from our own damn fans. Third seed….third seed my ASS. All that kind of stupidity does is give ammo to embittered SlugThugs and other assorted clowns that want nothing more than to keep the Southeast down, and I’ll be damned if I sit by and allow that to happen any longer.

Fuckheads.

WELL.

 The Red Wings aren’t selling out and are having trouble keeping their bandwagon STHs. I have two words to say to that:

Boo. Hoo.

You heard me: Boo hoo, the poor Red Wings are having attendance issues. My heart really bleeds for them–not.

What kills me is that there are excuses being made by one of the Deep Diggers: It’s the economy. The economy!  The old double-standard is hard at work in Wings Nation, kids: It’s OK for a northern team like Detoilet to make excuses for falling attendance, but heaven forfend a southern team doesn’t sell out every game!  Oh noez, we have to contract all those southern teams because they don’t sell out–but it’s OK for Detroit to have issues, because they’re Detroit.

Fuck Detroit, and fuck their excusemaking fans. All through Ragnarok, I had to put up with ar-tards like “Josh from MI” heaping scorn on the Hurricanes and calling for their contraction (along with the contraction of every other team south of Chicago and not named St. Louis or Washington) because they didn’t sell out every game–and the local economy taking a hit because of the dot-bomb bust just wasn’t acceptable, because those teams were down South where we clearly don’t know shit about shit that doesn’t involve constant high-speed left turns…and therefore we just don’t deserve to have the NHL.

If the Red Wings can’t sell out every game, then contract them. If it’s a good enough argument to be used on the Southerners, then it’s damn sure good enough to be used on the Yanquis and to hell with them and their excuses.