Sweet Tea, Barbecue, and Bodychecks

OK, now you’ve all gone and done it. You’ve all gone and pissed me right the hell off.

Hurricanes: HOW THE FRELL DO YOU BLOW A LEAD LIKE THAT?!  I was ready to march down to the RBC Center and slap some people, starting with Paul “defensive shell” Maurice. Really–when you are up 3-0, you DON’T sit back and camp the lead, especially against a team whose top line has outscored yours by 10-1! You press the attack. You keep it moving. You DON’T camp your own zone and pray that the clock runs out before your lead does! Even I know that, and I’m not a coach!

ATTN CHAIRMAN MO: THE DEFENSIVE SHELL SUCKS. STOP USING IT.

And then we have the game-winning goal, which has all and sundry Devils fans (and Marty Brodeur) crying and whining “WAAAAAAAH INTERFERENCE WAAAAAAAH!”  Yeah, I really loved turning on Hockey This Morning on XM and hearing that tool Charles from Texas talking about how “Bro-DURR” was interfered with when the video shows that the contact was incidental AND that Brodeur was outside the crease by two and a half frellin’ feet! This is NOT Republican Rome, and Martin Brodeur is NOT one of the Plebeian Tribunes. He is not inviolate, people. No goalie is inviolate when he leaves his crease. Get over it. Now our third goal?  OK, there you could make a very compelling case for interference. But the game-winner?  That’s just sour grapes, right there.

MEMO TO DEVILS FANS AND CHICO RESCH: THERE WAS NO FRELLING INTERFERENCE. NOBODY OUTSIDE OF YOUR LITTLE BOX AGREES WITH YOU, WHICH SHOULD TELL YOU SOMETIHNG. WATCH THE VIDEO INSTEAD OF CRYING.

My final dose of ire is directed at the classless bags of mostly ass that decided to embarrass me by throwing crap at Brodeur after the game.  What the hell were you morons thinking?!  Were you thinking?  By what frakking measure is it acceptable to throw things at an opposing player?  I wouldn’t even condone acting like that toward the Detroit gods-damned Red Wings–AND I HATE THEM! I would love to see one of you drooling garbage-chucking idiots try to justify to me how it is acceptable to throw things at an opposing player as he leaves the ice. Really. And try to do it without calling me a puckbunny or telling me I don’t know anything about hockey (thus exposing yourself as a complete know-nothing).

And, in closing, I just want to say thank you to Mike Keenan for trading Roberto Luongo OUT of the Southeast Division. Sorry, Blues fans.

OK, let’s clear a few things up about last night:

1) THERE IS NO FREAKING CONSPIRACY ON THE PART OF THE NHL, THE OFFICIALS, OR ANY OTHER ENTITIES TO GET THE CAPITALS INTO THE PLAYOFFS AT THE EXPENSE OF THE HURRICANES. SO STOP COMMENTING AND SENDING ME E-MAULS WITH THAT SPECIOUS ARGUMENT, BECAUSE IT HOLDS ABOUT AS MUCH WATER AS A LEAKY SIEVE.

2) I shouldn’t have to write that in all-caps, but nothing gets on my tits more than whining about officiating after a loss.

3) Alex Ovechkin is a fun player to watch and he has leet skillz, but he can be a dirty bastard who gets away with a lot more than he should.

4) Scoring overcomes crappy officiating.

5) The Hurricanes were outplayed from the first puck-drop to the final buzzer. So stop whining.

6) The Hurricanes hold their destiny in their hands.

7) Meredith in Richmond can bite me–and on Friday, I’m going to kick her of the top of Pilot Mountain Jet Li style to drive the point home.

8 ) EJ Hradek can bite me. Him and that damnable towel of his. *shakes fist*

9) I’m going to do my work today and let the Hurricanes do whatever it is that they’re going to do.

10) I’m cutting my hair. Those of you who know me well know how significant that is.

Canes take on the Lightning at 7:00 tonight. Be there or be square.

First off: Let me just say that I love a goalie deathmatch. I do, I really do. But last night, not so much–most cos it was Florida, and they’re whiny bitches.

So yeah. First period was a little eh. Second period scared the crap out of me, with all the penalties. Our defence was completely invisible, the offence stepped out for a Cuban (mmm…Cuban) at one point–and only one thing saved our asses:

 (photo courtesy hfboards poster Vulcan91)

Seriously, the boy was nails for us last night. When he flat-out stoned (STONED!) Olli Jokinen on what would have been a sure-fire gamewinner, I swear I saw half the fans in attendance calling Miami-Dade PD to report a robbery.

The shootout, by the way?  That was funny–especially the winner, which made Vokoun look like Bill Buckner in Game Six. Thank you, Mookie Staal.

Next game on the 25th. Go Canes.

WTF is it about Florida that makes players on their teams so whiny?

Is it the water? Is it too much sun? Is there something being put in those fantastic Cuban sammiches? What is it?

Case in point: Saturday’s beatdown of the Lightning. Yeah, we pwned face, 5-1. Welcome to Tampa, Mike Smith. I’m sure you’ll be hopping a makeshift raft out of there at the earliest opportunity.

But yeah–the St. Pete Times’ mediot-in-chief, Damien Homerdero, is all up in the whining about the game:

Lightning defenseman Dan Boyle still cannot believe he was called for a roughing penalty on Carolina’s Erik Cole in the second period of Saturday night’s game.

“Cole’s about 240 (actually 205 pounds) and I put my hand on his face and he does a summersault, 360 (degrees) on the ice,” Boyle said. “He was shocked he didn’t get a (diving) call. I saw his face afterward.”

Hey Danny-boy, guess what:

You see where your stick is? You should have been called for a tripping penalty, son. Moreover, allow me to quote for you Rule 51.1 (that would be “Roughing”):

Roughing – Roughing is a punching motion with the hand or fist, with
or without the glove on the hand, normally directed at the head or face
of an opponent.

Now, in futbol that would be a facemask penalty. Is it a borderline call? Possibly–but I freaking watched you drop the glove and try to rip Cole’s face off, dude. You got caught, you got called, you sat for 2 minutes, so GTF over it.

And of course, Homerdero goes on to whine about our “reputation” as divers. Wow, I guess the Lightning are so desperate that their players, coaches, and even their mediots are hopping on the Panthers’ bus and calling us divers because they can’t come up with anything better.

Sheesh.

Anyway–Canes are off until Wednesday, when they play the Thrashers in the ATL.  Mahalo.