06 Nov 2011 @ 11:24 AM 

Every time I see the Hurricanes’ facebook page, especially after a loss, I weep for humanity.

Well OK, I really just want to put a paper bag over my head and deny any association with some of the morons that post there. Let me give you an example of some of the scintillating intellects over yonder, after Friday night’s beatdown at the hands of the Capitals:

(names omitted to protect the stupid)

“Holy cow! Last year the Boston Bruins were beat 6-1, 5-2, 4-1 twice- and by teams like Atlanta and Pheonix. Chill- its just one game”

In response to a poster who made very cogent and intelligent comments about how the Hurricanes are lacking in the talent department:

“I really don’t think there is that much of a talent gap outside of a top line winger. That’s an excuse, either way”

Yes, because a nickel-and-dimed team that’s at the salary floor is really uber-talented.

And then there’s this gem, from somebody who obviously feels that spelling and punctuation aren’t that important:

“I had the game dvr’d and have watched 2 periods….don’t understand at all some comments i saw earlier about this team quiting in 2 and 3…..some of you are just plain SORE losers. This is a better more competitive team than we have had since the cup year, much better defensively than last year, and more dangerous offensively…..Don’t understand how a win and well played games and you are nowhere to be found, yet a loss and the same old blame game…..If something made me THAT miserable, I’d find something else to do with my time….pull for your team if they are your team, and evaluate critically when they play less than capable of, but the continued this guy that guy, coaching sucks, every time there is a loss, says far more about you than it says about the Carolina Hurricanes….BTW, there are other teams to compete against on the ice, and some of them are pretty darn good…..”

I’m sorry, I don’t speak Idiot. Could you please rephrase that in a language more closely approximating English? Thanks.

And then we have this scintillating conversationalist:

“good god is most of the people posting on here sun shine fans or what, so what we lost because of the refs so stop finding reason to blame one person or persons”

Because, of course, if the Hurricanes have only one penalty called on them the whole night, and get FOUR POWER PLAYS and can’t convert on a single one, it’s CLEARLY the referees’ fault that they lost. And we can’t dare complain about it, because the team is OMGPERFECT!!!!1

But the Post of the Year comes from this moron:

“I truly believe some of you like it when the Canes lose it gives you some kind of cheap satisfaction to post “your” Mo must go”, “Cam was terrible”, “Staal sucks”, “Larose belongs on the 3 line”,comments , i never see half of your names when we win, until you make coach of the N H L , keep your negative comments to yourself ,alot of us are tired of them.”

Yes, because if you’re not all Sunshine and Happiness and Unicorns Farting Rainbows, then you’re just a Bad Fan(tm) who hates the team. HOW DARE YOU SAY ANYTHING BAD ABOUT THE TEAM, YOU HORRIBLE PEOPLE?! IF YOU WANT TO BE A REAL FAN YOU HAVE TO LOVE THEM AND ONLY SAY GOOD THINGS ABOUT THEM!

Please, give me a break. Fans like this come with the territory, sure–but it drives me freaking mad when actually trying to make a cogent point (for example: Chad LaRose is a great guy and I like him, and he’s the Chuck Norris of Hockey, but he’s a 4th-line energy guy and doesn’t belong anywhere near a Top 6) winds up getting the commenter bombarded with out and out stupidity from people that can’t handle one simple concept:

Just because you’re a fan of a team, that doesn’t mean that you have to believe they can do no wrong.

Really, people. It’s OK to be critical of your favourite team. Nobody’s going to take away your tickets or ban you from the venue for the high crime and misdemeanour of pointing out where you feel the team is falling down on the job. Just try it sometime. Try living in reality for once. I promise, it won’t kill you.

And maybe, just maybe, you may actually sound intelligent for once.

Of course, there are the motards on the opposite end of the spectrum who are just as unintelligent in vocalizing criticisms–but that’s another post.

(p.s. the Hurricanes are going to lose today, because I posted in the blog. Just an FYI.)

 04 Oct 2011 @ 8:40 PM 

Oh, I can just see how much fun this will be. Earlier today, I got into it with some noob on Facebook who seems to feel Sean Avery (who is on waivers) is an enforcer and that the Hurricanes need him. When I pointed out his noobery, he got all upset (predictably), and told me to STFU because he’s “always been a canes fan” and “played hockey all my life”.

Yeah. Right. He needs to go hang out with the Juggalos of the NHL, they’re about his speed.

ANYWAY.

As much as I admire his bollocks in being up-front about supporting equality, Sean Avery is NOT, repeat NOT an enforcer in any way, shape, form, or fashion.

He turtles when challenged by somebody who gets tired of the little fuckhead running his yap or taking cheapshots. He has to wait until another player is restrained by the linesmen and unable to respond in order to get a punch in. His idea of “enforcing” is to be a one-man Morris dancing side in front of Marty Brodeur during a playoff game.

Anyone who thinks that’s “enforcing” is a moron or a noob or both.

Bob Probert (rest his soul) was an enforcer. The late Messrs. Rypien, Boogaard, and Belak were enforcers. Joe Kocur and Darren McCarty were enforcers. STUUUUUU Grimson, Esq. is an enforcer (and I’d be happy to have him represent me in court, too. Very smart fellow). Clark fucking Gillies was an enforcer. Dave bloody Semenko was an enforcer. Riley Cote, Dan Carcillo, Inglourious Backes, Eric Godard, and Zack Stortini are all enforcers.

Sean Avery, bless his little turtling heart, is not an enforcer any more than I am the King of Siam. Etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.

I’ll open the floor up to the five people that are reading this blog at any one time: Please, explain to me if you can how Sean Avery is an enforcer. (comment moderation should be turned off now, btw–I’m trusting all y’all to play somewhat nice, here)

 22 Apr 2009 @ 10:23 AM 

OK, now you’ve all gone and done it. You’ve all gone and pissed me right the hell off.

Hurricanes: HOW THE FRELL DO YOU BLOW A LEAD LIKE THAT?!  I was ready to march down to the RBC Center and slap some people, starting with Paul “defensive shell” Maurice. Really–when you are up 3-0, you DON’T sit back and camp the lead, especially against a team whose top line has outscored yours by 10-1! You press the attack. You keep it moving. You DON’T camp your own zone and pray that the clock runs out before your lead does! Even I know that, and I’m not a coach!

ATTN CHAIRMAN MO: THE DEFENSIVE SHELL SUCKS. STOP USING IT.

And then we have the game-winning goal, which has all and sundry Devils fans (and Marty Brodeur) crying and whining “WAAAAAAAH INTERFERENCE WAAAAAAAH!”  Yeah, I really loved turning on Hockey This Morning on XM and hearing that tool Charles from Texas talking about how “Bro-DURR” was interfered with when the video shows that the contact was incidental AND that Brodeur was outside the crease by two and a half frellin’ feet! This is NOT Republican Rome, and Martin Brodeur is NOT one of the Plebeian Tribunes. He is not inviolate, people. No goalie is inviolate when he leaves his crease. Get over it. Now our third goal?  OK, there you could make a very compelling case for interference. But the game-winner?  That’s just sour grapes, right there.

MEMO TO DEVILS FANS AND CHICO RESCH: THERE WAS NO FRELLING INTERFERENCE. NOBODY OUTSIDE OF YOUR LITTLE BOX AGREES WITH YOU, WHICH SHOULD TELL YOU SOMETIHNG. WATCH THE VIDEO INSTEAD OF CRYING.

My final dose of ire is directed at the classless bags of mostly ass that decided to embarrass me by throwing crap at Brodeur after the game.  What the hell were you morons thinking?!  Were you thinking?  By what frakking measure is it acceptable to throw things at an opposing player?  I wouldn’t even condone acting like that toward the Detroit gods-damned Red Wings–AND I HATE THEM! I would love to see one of you drooling garbage-chucking idiots try to justify to me how it is acceptable to throw things at an opposing player as he leaves the ice. Really. And try to do it without calling me a puckbunny or telling me I don’t know anything about hockey (thus exposing yourself as a complete know-nothing).

And, in closing, I just want to say thank you to Mike Keenan for trading Roberto Luongo OUT of the Southeast Division. Sorry, Blues fans.

 02 Apr 2008 @ 7:52 AM 

OK, let’s clear a few things up about last night:

1) THERE IS NO FREAKING CONSPIRACY ON THE PART OF THE NHL, THE OFFICIALS, OR ANY OTHER ENTITIES TO GET THE CAPITALS INTO THE PLAYOFFS AT THE EXPENSE OF THE HURRICANES. SO STOP COMMENTING AND SENDING ME E-MAULS WITH THAT SPECIOUS ARGUMENT, BECAUSE IT HOLDS ABOUT AS MUCH WATER AS A LEAKY SIEVE.

2) I shouldn’t have to write that in all-caps, but nothing gets on my tits more than whining about officiating after a loss.

3) Alex Ovechkin is a fun player to watch and he has leet skillz, but he can be a dirty bastard who gets away with a lot more than he should.

4) Scoring overcomes crappy officiating.

5) The Hurricanes were outplayed from the first puck-drop to the final buzzer. So stop whining.

6) The Hurricanes hold their destiny in their hands.

7) Meredith in Richmond can bite me–and on Friday, I’m going to kick her of the top of Pilot Mountain Jet Li style to drive the point home.

8 ) EJ Hradek can bite me. Him and that damnable towel of his. *shakes fist*

9) I’m going to do my work today and let the Hurricanes do whatever it is that they’re going to do.

10) I’m cutting my hair. Those of you who know me well know how significant that is.

Canes take on the Lightning at 7:00 tonight. Be there or be square.

 21 Mar 2008 @ 11:01 AM 

First off: Let me just say that I love a goalie deathmatch. I do, I really do. But last night, not so much–most cos it was Florida, and they’re whiny bitches.

So yeah. First period was a little eh. Second period scared the crap out of me, with all the penalties. Our defence was completely invisible, the offence stepped out for a Cuban (mmm…Cuban) at one point–and only one thing saved our asses:

KING WARD (photo courtesy hfboards poster Vulcan91)

Seriously, the boy was nails for us last night. When he flat-out stoned (STONED!) Olli Jokinen on what would have been a sure-fire gamewinner, I swear I saw half the fans in attendance calling Miami-Dade PD to report a robbery.

The shootout, by the way?  That was funny–especially the winner, which made Vokoun look like Bill Buckner in Game Six. Thank you, Mookie Staal.

Next game on the 25th. Go Canes.

 03 Mar 2008 @ 12:54 PM 

WTF is it about Florida that makes players on their teams so whiny?

Is it the water? Is it too much sun? Is there something being put in those fantastic Cuban sammiches? What is it?

Case in point: Saturday’s beatdown of the Lightning. Yeah, we pwned face, 5-1. Welcome to Tampa, Mike Smith. I’m sure you’ll be hopping a makeshift raft out of there at the earliest opportunity.

But yeah–the St. Pete Times’ mediot-in-chief, Damien Homerdero, is all up in the whining about the game:

Lightning defenseman Dan Boyle still cannot believe he was called for a roughing penalty on Carolina’s Erik Cole in the second period of Saturday night’s game.

“Cole’s about 240 (actually 205 pounds) and I put my hand on his face and he does a summersault, 360 (degrees) on the ice,” Boyle said. “He was shocked he didn’t get a (diving) call. I saw his face afterward.”

Hey Danny-boy, guess what:

BUSTED!

You see where your stick is? You should have been called for a tripping penalty, son. Moreover, allow me to quote for you Rule 51.1 (that would be “Roughing”):

Roughing – Roughing is a punching motion with the hand or fist, with
or without the glove on the hand, normally directed at the head or face
of an opponent.

Now, in futbol that would be a facemask penalty. Is it a borderline call? Possibly–but I freaking watched you drop the glove and try to rip Cole’s face off, dude. You got caught, you got called, you sat for 2 minutes, so GTF over it.

And of course, Homerdero goes on to whine about our “reputation” as divers. Wow, I guess the Lightning are so desperate that their players, coaches, and even their mediots are hopping on the Panthers’ bus and calling us divers because they can’t come up with anything better.

Sheesh.

Anyway–Canes are off until Wednesday, when they play the Thrashers in the ATL.  Mahalo.


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