Archive for the 'Beating the hornet's nest' Category

25
Apr

Stay Classy, Habs Fans

OK, so.

OK, let me see if I have this right:

Canadiens fans boo another country’s anthem before home games in the playoffs–and have to be told by the PA dude not to do so.

They torch police cars, loot stores, and cause general mayhem after winning the first freaking round.

One of them chucks a beer into the penalty box, to cheers from his seatmates (and nothing was done by Bell Centre staff, from what I saw–except of course to clean the glass off after the game).

Six years ago, several of them tossed ‘nanners and sling racial slurs at a black player after an OT win during the second round–and the rest of that lot claimed that it was really the opposing team’s fans in disguise, just trying to make the Canadiens look bad.

And then of course we have Jack Todd. I’ll stop myself before I go off on that jackass again.

And they have the nerve to call us rednecks?

WE didn’t riot after winning the first round. We didn’t even riot after winning the Finals in 2006. The ONE time I heard some asshat in the stands refer to a black player with a racist epithet, everyone sitting around him threatened to throw the toolbag over the glass so he could call the player that again to his face–and when toolbag demurred, he was told to STFU and stop embarrassing all the rest of us.

I’m sure some Habs troll will show up and say “I won’t be back, but I wanted to say GO HABS and we are more passionate than you are because we do all these things”, but you know what?  Fuck y’all in your ears. I’d rather be classy than “passionate”, if “passionate” means “being on a level with the drunken thugs that invaded the RBC during the 2006 ECF.”

I was cheering for the 10-megaton surface burst in this series (because I have no love for Montreal or Philly), but I may have to rethink my position.

Actually…no. I’m still barracking for the 10MT surface burst.

And the Rangers take on the Pens (and the Sharks throw down with the Stars) in their respective Game 1s tonight. Give ‘em Hell, Harry.

03
Mar

Boo. Freaking. Hoo.

WTF is it about Florida that makes players on their teams so whiny?

Is it the water? Is it too much sun? Is there something being put in those fantastic Cuban sammiches? What is it?

Case in point: Saturday’s beatdown of the Lightning. Yeah, we pwned face, 5-1. Welcome to Tampa, Mike Smith. I’m sure you’ll be hopping a makeshift raft out of there at the earliest opportunity.

But yeah–the St. Pete Times’ mediot-in-chief, Damien Homerdero, is all up in the whining about the game:

Lightning defenseman Dan Boyle still cannot believe he was called for a roughing penalty on Carolina’s Erik Cole in the second period of Saturday night’s game.

“Cole’s about 240 (actually 205 pounds) and I put my hand on his face and he does a summersault, 360 (degrees) on the ice,” Boyle said. “He was shocked he didn’t get a (diving) call. I saw his face afterward.”

Hey Danny-boy, guess what:

BUSTED!

You see where your stick is? You should have been called for a tripping penalty, son. Moreover, allow me to quote for you Rule 51.1 (that would be “Roughing”):

Roughing – Roughing is a punching motion with the hand or fist, with
or without the glove on the hand, normally directed at the head or face
of an opponent.

Now, in futbol that would be a facemask penalty. Is it a borderline call? Possibly–but I freaking watched you drop the glove and try to rip Cole’s face off, dude. You got caught, you got called, you sat for 2 minutes, so GTF over it.

And of course, Homerdero goes on to whine about our “reputation” as divers. Wow, I guess the Lightning are so desperate that their players, coaches, and even their mediots are hopping on the Panthers’ bus and calling us divers because they can’t come up with anything better.

Sheesh.

Anyway–Canes are off until Wednesday, when they play the Thrashers in the ATL.  Mahalo.

06
Feb

Done.

For those who listened to NHL Live today to hear Don and EJ goof on me, here is what I wrote from the depths of my server room:

Guys,

If the only way the Hurricanes can make the playoffs is to be third-by-default, then I don’t want them to make the playoffs at all. Period.

2004 and 2006 were supposed to be the new paradigm for the rest of the Southeast Division to live up to. The new “no more Southleast” idea was supposed to be the banner that the Hurricanes would rally around as they marched out of the depths of slack-ass mediocrity.

What we have here now? It wasn’t supposed to happen. Our defense wasn’t supposed to suck, our offense wasn’t supposed to just go poof after October ended, and 2007 was supposed to become a quickly fading memory as the Hurricanes went on another deep playoff run. It was supposed to be better. It was supposed to be a corner-turning, the proverbial dawn of a new day, but instead the Hurricanes are once again stuck at the light with a tank full of fumes and falling toward another 2002-2003 style Season From Hell.

And the killer for me? I see no urgency. I get no “oh crap, we gotta get on it” vibe.

If that’s all that the Hurricanes want to do–rest on old laurels–then I hope they never make the playoffs again.

It hurts me in my heart to say that, but it’s time for some serious toughlove on the part of this fan.

Sorry for writing instead of calling, but I’m stuck in a server room with no phone at the moment.

Cheers,

AQ

For the record: The year the Hurricanes won the Cup, they were second in the East–by ONE point. The third seed (who was third-by-default) was New Jersey with 101 points. The Sabres were third-on-points with 110.

Also: It’s the settling for third-by-default that leads to people bashing the Southeast. Nevermind that the Central is the weakest division in the NHL, with the Red Wings feasting on all their conference rivals (except for Chicago)–people habitually expect the Southeast Division to be the mediocre division, largely because they are mediocre. Or rather, because they tend to play like it. And the fans just settle for it. “Oh, third seed is good enough.”

Screw that. Go hard or go freaking home already. Don’t freaking settle.

08
Dec

Sunday Bloody Sunday

Dear Red Wings fans,

I see your IP addresses. You’re here hoping to hear me sling some good old-fashioned hate at your beloved Red Wings.

You’re hoping to see me drop an angerbomb or two about 2002, possibly wind up soiling yourselves with glee at seeing me rant nonsensically about how much I hate you personally, hate your team, hate your town (Congratulations on being named the Most Dangerous City in America, by the way. I’m sure y’all are SO proud), and how mortally ashamed I am at half my maternal relatives being fans of that gods-cursed team with the second-assiest fans in the NHL.

Whatever.

I think that five years of hearing “oh, you’re just jealous that we’ve won three Cups in the last ten years” and “oh, you’re just upset over 2002″ despite signed affidavidts from my closest relatives that I’ve hated all the sports teams in Detroit (including and especially the Red Wings and the Pistons) since I was a child is more than enough. I’m tired of being told how I really feel by a bunch of arrogant besserwissern that have known me all of two years (and even then, not all that well). I’m tired of the disrespect that comes with the attitude that everyone else should just roll over and die for the Mighty Detroit Red Wings–especially when that disrespect comes from frontrunning mouthbreathers that wouldn’t know Alex Delvecchio if he walked up to them on the street and cross-checked them. I’m tired of the frontrunning attitude, tired of the excusemaking and double-standardization associated with the attendance woes in Detroit, tired of little two-faced bitches like Mitch Albom that come here and enjoy our hospitality one day only to turn around and trash us the next.

Suffice it to say that I hope the Hurricanes win tomorrow in much the same manner that they won tonight–through the unrestrained use of excessive force. A few small incendiary devices wouldn’t hurt either, but I’ll take what I can get.

Now fuck off back to your slums and your decaying auto plants and your self-important assholery. And please take my mother’s father’s relatives with you.

Go Canes.

15
Nov

And people call ME sensitive!

Yeah, so over at the FanHouse there’s a post from Jes Golbez about the Red Wings’ little planecrash the other day.

I say “little”, because they went off the damn runway at like 5 MPH. That’s it. The pilots cut it a bit too close when making a turn, and one of the wheel assemblies went into the grass like The Stig in a wingless Koenigsegg CCX (though not nearly as fast and with fewer divots being thrown about).

Note that nobody else really talked about it. Why? Because it’s not like the plane went plummeting out of the sky or anything–that would be some serious business, and the only person on the planet who would point and laugh would be some embittered loser on USENET. Not even I would wish that on the Red Wings, and I loathe that team the way a Yankees fan loathes the Red Sox. What they did was the equivalent of Cory Stillman’s airbag deploying after he slid into a pole coming out the RBC lots one day after practice. It was something that was scary at the time, but when you look back on it you can giggle because nobody was seriously hurt or killed.

Jes, of course, poked fun at it in that “Oh man, bet you won’t do THAT again” sort of way. He got silly, as he is wont to do–and lo, there was a great wailing and gnashing of teeth. The comments made me roar with even more laughter than the original story did, because so many people decided to get all up in “bleeding heart” mode. Veiled threats, misplaced rage, and general stupidity abound as everyone screams and hollers that Jes dared to make fun of something that wound up being not all that serious.

The plane didn’t blow up on the runway. It didn’t go down in flames. All that happened was that it went partially off the tarmac into the mud.

Lighten up, Francis. Laugh, roll your eyes, and move the hell on already.

Sheesh.

07
May

Geographical Bias, Blind Homerism, and You

So–a SlugThug has decided to engage me in the commentbox of this post, claiming that the Hurricanes are “one of the 5 worst champions of the last 20 years” (let me guess, the 1999 Dallas Stars are in that group too, right?) and that “the numbers prove it”. He’s blithely ignored requests from one of my compadres to explain the Sabres’ craptacular record against the Southeast Division in 05-06 by invoking the “everything I say three times is true” rule, and he’s apparently decided to come back and attempt to reassert whatever dominance he thinks he’s already asserted after a two-week hiatus (gee, couldn’t have ANYTHING to do with the Sabres advancing to the ECF now, would it?)

Oh!  I see what you did there.

I get what he’s trying to do–he’s trying to browbeat me into “admitting” that the ‘Canes “stole” a Cup that “rightfully” belonged to the Sabres last season. He’s trying to maneuver me into “admitting” that the Hurricanes “didn’t deserve to win” a Cup that “belonged” to the Sabres (even though their team’s name is not now and never has been on it). And that’s not going to happen. That’s never going to happen–and you know why?

Because the team that deserves it is the team that wins it. Always. Breaks or no breaks, great luck or not-so-great luck.

I believe I have mentioned something like this before–not my fault if you choose to disregard it, kids (and hey, whaddaya know, I also said something in the past about acting the fool in another team’s house–hey wow, the more things change…)

You can claim that Buffalo has more thuggish better fans (which makes me laugh, considering that their attendance was worse than the Hurricanes’ at the start of this decade–and the Rigas debacle is not an acceptable excuse, Sabres fans. If the Leafs could sell out their building year after year in the 70s and 80s despite incompetent/criminal ownership and a bottom-feeding team, you should have done the same), you can claim that Buffalo is a festering cesspit a better town, you can claim whatever you want–but the cream always rises to the top, whether one likes it or not. If the Sabres win–and that is still a huge IF, because they haven’t even started the Conference Finals yet much less the Cup Finals–then, obviously, they deserve it despite the genetic sludge that comprises the overwhelming bulk of their fanbase and good for them.

But you can’t have it both ways, bittermen. You can’t claim that the Hurricanes were 2nd in the East only because they play in the Southeast Division without admitting that the Sabres are 1st overall because they played well in the Northeast Division (with an identical divisional record to the 05-06 Hurricanes, I might add: 18-11-3).

You also can’t bash the N&O for trying to cater to n00b fans last season without bashing Buffalo’s mayor for talking this season about how the Sabres have attracted a bunch of n00bs (NYT link, login required) that didn’t follow hockey before.

But I guess none of that counts, since the Hurricanes are south of the Mason-Dixon Line–right?

Riiiight.

Go to Hel, Buffalo–and take the Red Wings with you.

05
Mar

Q: When is an elbow not an elbow?

A: When you lead with the shoulder.

We’ve all seen the video and read the reports (and a few message board posts, and a few other blog posts), so we know what happened. On a night when Hall of Fame cheapshot artist Scott Stevens was in the Swamp, Devils thug Cam Janssen decided to line up Maple Leafs defenseman Tomas Kaberle behind the play and level him with a Stevens-style “lead with the shoulder, leave your feet, and follow through with the elbow” hit.

Let’s go to the videotape.

As you can see, Kaberle did not have the puck–it having left his stick a full second before (as opposed to the Neil hit on Briere–which, though iffy, was close enough to the play to be considered a late-stage part of the play*). Janssen left his feet when delivering his check, and you see the elbow come up for the follow-through. Gee, I wonder: where have we seen stuff like this before? At least the dirty little shitbag didn’t stand over the guy gloating.

What galls me is this:

1) No penalty, even though there were officials looking RIGHT THE HELL AT THE HIT. Let’s hear it for referee incompetence! *I* could make a better referee than 90% of the current crop in the NHL….and I can’t even skate!

I quote from Rule 47: Charging (a penalty that never seems to get called, even when it needs to be–like the other night):

Charging shall mean the actions of a player who, as a result of distance traveled, shall violently check an opponent in any manner. A “Charge” may be the result of a check into the boards, into the goal frame or in open ice.

  1. A minor or major penalty shall be imposed on a player who skates or jumps into, or charges an opponent in any manner.
  2. When a major penalty is imposed under this Rule for a foul resulting in an injury to the face or head of an opponent, a game misconduct shall be imposed, and an automatic fine of one hundred dollars ($100).

Yeah, hello? Some gutless puke lines up a guy behind the play to take him out with a 100-point shoulder-and-elbow combo, and leaves his feet while doing it (for the Devils fans reading-impaired: That’s called “jumping into somebody”)…and there’s no penalty? Whiskey. Tango. Foxtrot. Do these guys even read their own damn rulebook?

No wonder the NHL is seen as clownshoes by non-fans–the officials are a bunch of Keystone Kops who are too busy tripping over their skatelaces and showing off their leet non-reffing skillz for the fans that they can’t be bothered to actually enforce the blasted rules.

2) A measly 3-game suspension. Is the “3″ button the only button that Clownshoe Colin knows how to push? Not that I’m still irate over Erik Cole’s broken neck or anything, but hello? WTF was that, Colin? A chicken-bone for the dog? What would it have been if Kaberle’s neck had been broken–five games? Four and a required viewing of a video about workplace injuries?

It’s garbage like this that leaves the NHL relegated to being the fifth of the Big Four Sports–and I don’t see it getting any better while fuckheads like Clownshoe Colin and Gary the Magical Talking Ass are in charge.

(BTW Leafs fans, don’t be surprised at your team’s non-response to this. It’s one of the hallmarks of a Mo-coached team.)

01
Jan

Monday Leftovers

OK, so let’s reheat the whole brouhaha surrounding my alleged assertion that result should factor into suspensions.

The Capitals faced off against the Rangers the other night, and Colton Orr got himself five games for running across the ice and cross-checking Alex Ovechkin in the grill (an act that undoubtedly pleased more than a few drunken losers). When the Flyers-Canes game wound down last night, Derian Hatcher charged across the ice and cross-checked Justin Williams in the back (an act that undoubtedly pleased a few more drunken losers)–and he’ll get no suspension for it.
Donald Brashear, meanwhile, got only one game for sucker-punching Aaron Ward–because there was no injury.

If that’s why Brashear only got one game for his antics, then can somebody who is not a Sabres fan please explain to me why it’s OK that Scott Nichol got nine games for doing the same thing to Jaroslav Spacek?

When is intent to injure not intent to injure, and what are Clownshoe Colin’s parameters for handing out suspensions?  That’s what I’d like to know.

27
Dec

Oh, now that’s funny.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V-HENJTl0G4

To put this video into its proper context (which the maker of that video apparently wasn’t willing to do): The fans had been booing Ovechkin (and hollering a few death threats at him as well, no doubt) from the moment the puck dropped. Briere flagrantly speared Ovechkin in the nards–and naturally, there was no call–and Ovechkin of course stood up for himself…which got the crowd even angrier, because how dare somebody stand up for himself when he gets speared by one of The Glorious Buffalo Sabres?! So Ovechkin went and scored, and performed the gesture you see in that video there.

Good on Ovechkin. Too bad the Capitals weren’t winning at the time, because that would have made it even better–and considering the fact that more than a few fans on various Sabres message boards were calling for the death (or at least the career-ending injury) of Aleksandr Balshoii, I really consider their calling that gesture “classless” to be quite ironic. Kinda like Da Chief asking Wings fans not to boo Sergei Fedorov when the Smoking Jackets come to play at the Nexus of Evil.

And to reheat a previous post;

Scott Nichol received a hip injury in the Predators’ game vs. the Sabres–you know, the one where he got nine games for sucker-punching Jaroslav Spacek after Spacek (who apparently hasn’t changed a bit from when he was cheap-shotting guys as a Florida Panther) rode him hard into the side of the net. So Spacek gets off scot-free for a flagrant attempt to injure, and Nichol gets painted as Todd Bertuzzi v2.0 by SabresNation. Must be nice, huh?

Sheesh.

15
Dec

Three years ago today…

…I was sitting in my little grey Toyota listening to 850 the Buzz for confirmation that yes indeed, Chairman Mo had been deposed after his too-long tenure behind the Hurricanes’ bench.

I was, of course, not disappointed–nor was I unsurprised by Adam Gold’s whining that the Hurricanes were making a mistake by firing the guy and hiring some “unknown” named Peter Laviolette. Of course, this is the same guy that bashed the Hurricanes left right and center for the bulk of of the team’s existence here in North Carolina (and would cut off and proceed to insult on the air anyone who called in to disagree with him), so nothing came as a surprise to me with that guy. The ‘Canes were making a mistake, Paul Maurice is a great coach, they shouldn’t have fired him, blah blah blah Scotty Bowman blah blah blah….

Yes, he really did make a Scotty Bowman comparison–conveniently ignoring the fact that Bowman had been fired at least twice in his career (most notably by Buffalo).

(note to any 850 the Buzz fanbois that are tempted to call me out on this: I am many things, but I am not a liar. Just because Adam Gold is a revisionist, that doesn’t mean that I have to be.)

Toolbag Junior also whined and cried that the ‘Canes had made a big mistake–and those of us that knew better laughed at him.

So three years and a Stanley Cup later, what do I think of it all?

I think it was a decision that had been too long delayed. A Stanley Cup does little to negate a corporate culture where slavish loyalty is more valued than excellence and where those who do mediocre-at-best work are retained long past the point where they should be let go in favor of somebody who can at least try to do a better job. I love my team, but that doesn’t mean I’m blind to the organization’s faults.

I never had a problem with Mo personally–he’s a good guy and all–but his tenure here was a serious case of arrested development. Being retained for so long in a job where the average shelf-life of a coach averages about four seasons was a bad thing for him, especially because he was just thrown into the job without having had the opportunity to really learn from a more experienced coach. It was an exercise in LR2: Lather, Rinse, Repeat. Collapsing defense, 3-2 forecheck that was so textbook that quite a few more experienced coaches could (and did) beat it with astonishing regularity, and veterans ridden into the ground while promising rookies were left to languish on the fourth line (if they were lucky) or in the stands (if they weren’t lucky) until circumstance forced the Great Helmsman to use them.

Sami Kapanen, anyone?  In Hartford, he was left to die on the vine as a checking wing on the fourth line until injuries forced Chairman Mo to put the then-rookie in on the top two lines, where he could show off his scoring skills. Shane Willis is another good example. Chairman Mo was never a big fan of his, because the kid wasn’t very defensively-minded. He was a scorer, and that was something that wasn’t exactly in vogue on a team where “we don’t need to score any more goals” and stifling defense was the watch-word. Guys like Jaro Svoboda were the big thing for us, because they were defensively-minded. We fans used to joke that our team never scored much because the players were afraid they’d get benched if they scored–and sadly, it seemed to be true when guys that had a big night one night would get benched the next night.
Man, I still remember a holiday get-together where I got into an argument with a friend over Lavi. “Laviolette SUCKS,” she said. “We give up WAY too many goals!  That’s not good!  He’s a horrible coach!”

“Have you seen that we’re scoring more goals?”  I asked. “Your boy Joe, Lord of Evil is on the way to a 20-goal season. Never would have seen that with Chairman Mo. Yeah, we give up a lot of goals–but that’s the way the system works.” What we saw in that first season was the burning-away of 8 years of smoke-and-mirrors. Fans were, after 8 seasons, so used to defensive snore-fests that seeing actual offensive output (and aggressive offense, at that) was a huge surprise. Pleasant for a lot, hard to adjust to for some, but it makes for a far more exciting game.

I come not to praise Chairman Mo, but to finally–at long last–close the door that part of the team’s past. Win or lose, I think that this game is something that will let the fans finally say goodbye (or “good riddance”, if you prefer) to the coach that bridged two eras of the team’s existence.

Lots are already open as I write this, doors open at 6:00, and the puck drops at 7:30 (at the request of Rogers Sportsnet–is there a NASCAR race going on again?)

Go Canes.

03
Dec

Hey look, there’s a hornet’s nest! Somebody gimme a bat!

So I get home from work last night, and what do I find in my inbox but a link to this lovely video that’s been played like 2349827432 times all over cyberspace:

Click Me

I had to go back and watch it a couple times to see where Ovechkin got the fighting major, seeing as how he was kinda blindsided by Fargo’s Finest and all. As for the hit itself? Ill-timed, but not delivered with ill intent.

Ignoring the blatant homerism of the Crapitals’ broadcast team (especially that freakish Breughelsian quasit Craig Laughlin) in that clip wasn’t hard to do–all I had to do was turn the sound off–but I am forced to conclude that the hit wasn’t so much dirty (which implies malice) as it was a serious case of poor timing (door being opened) coupled with poor judgement (Ovechkin attempting to rub out Briere away from the play) and a not-inconsiderable dash of embellishment from the Sabres’ emo-kid co-captain.

What really makes this whole thing laughably sad (aside from SabresNation screaming for Ovechkin to have his head taken off the next 9328472947 times the Caps and Sabres meet) is the dollar amount of the fines handed out. $100? I could pay that. The League needs to get on the stick with updating their fines so that they’re actually punishing the fined players rather than simply asking them to cover a dinner at Les Halles.

Of course, this all gets back to the sad inability of the NHL to be able to dish out any kind of real justice–Colin Campbell is, once again, a clownshoe (and his son is a douche)–and that’s a subject for another post.

Just my opinion, of course.




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