Sweet Tea, Barbecue, and Bodychecks

Conspiracy. or Incompetence? You be the judge — Tennessean.com

Well isn’t this a fine kettle of fish? The NHL is so hell-bent on not allowing Jim Balsillie to have a team, that they’re willing to give a team to the second coming of John Spano.

Yep, it turns out that “Boots” DelBiaggio (who makes me ashamed as hell to be Italian) is…well, let’s be blunt: he’s a full-force foursquare fraud. Does he have money? NO. So what’d he do? Borrow money from the outgoing owner of the Predators (one Craig Leipold, who now owns the Minnesota Wild) and the owners of the Los Angeles Kings (that would be Peter Anschutz’s Anschutz Entertainment Group (AEG)). Not only that, but the League decided not to perform the “required” due diligence to make sure that the unctuous little bastard actually had the cash to hand to be able to run the team.

As much as I dislike the smarmy git, I am starting to get in line with NHLPA boss Paul Kelly: give Jim Balsillie a team. Seriously. He may be a douche, but at least he’s been up front about wanting to buy an existing team, gut it, drive away all the fans and drive down the team’s value so that he can yank it up and put it in freakin’ Hamilton. We know that’s what his game is, because he’s made no secret of it. But the owners–not the Commissioner, but the owners who put him in charge and keep him in charge–are so against this guy getting involved that they’re willing to approve sales to people of questionable financial stature just to keep him away.

Let’s just avoid future dramaz–just give Jim Balsillie any team without a Cup under its belt and let’s just get it the hell over with, because in the long run he’ll be a far better owner than “Boots”.

BREAKING NEWS: Claude Avery didn’t talk about his Infamous Page 2 article this morning. He said (among other things) “Until we can do it right, it doesn’t make much sense to do it.”

Fair enough–though I seriously wonder what “do it right” entails. (edit: Claude went on to say in the commentbox that “doing it right is framing a conversation that would actually be productive and worth the time to have and listen to.” Which is fair enough. Vague, but fair enough.)

Also: QMJHL scout Martin Madden has left the Smallest Scouting Staff in the NHL to take a job as chief of scouting for the Anaheim Ducks.

The Hurricanes now have a scouting staff of 9 (unless they did stealth-hiring when nobody was looking)…and people wonder why our drafts wind up being head-scratchers half the time, really.

…cos the AcidQueen don’t wanna hear it.

So many things to talk about today, so let’s get down to it shall we?

ISSUE ONE: The Defence.

Luke DeCock has opened a lovely can of worms with this week’s iteration of The Monday Debate–and I, of course, had to go and chum the waters a bit. I should have probably been a bit more blunt-force, but what would be the fun in that?

Simply put, our defense is fearsome–and not in the happy fun way, either. Joe Corvo is best when used in strict moderation. Joni Pitkanen is a question mark. Josef Melichar should have been left in Sweden. Nicky Wallin should go back to Sweden (his best season was 05-06. Seriously kids. I love the man but he’s done like dinner). Timmy Gleason…eh. When Tim Gleason and Joni Pitkanen are your likely top pairing? Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Am I being too harsh? No. This team should have laid out the coin for Aaron Ward, but no–Uncle Pete has decreed that the nickel-and-diming shall continue, and so we get Yet Another Nickel-and-Dime Defence.

ISSUE TWO: Bomani Jones and the Survey of Doom

You all remember Bomani Jones’ pitiful excuse for an attempt to take a potshot at hockey in the South find Hurricanes fans back during the 2006 ECF. He deliberately went to places like Sammy’s (which has never been a destination for fans–mostly because it’s pretty exclusively NCSU-oriented and also because the owner is just a teensy bit hostile towards us damn carpetbagger Caniacs…nevermind that a lot of State fans are also Hurricanes fans), the fringes of Durham (where of course he just had to toss out the gratuitous bit of sports racism–i.e. “hockey is for white folks”), and the inboxes of a couple buddies of his (one of whom is a NASCAR fan and the other one of whom isn’t even a fan of the Hurricanes).

Bomani decided to, after getting hit with the Ten Ton Hammer by half the Caniac Nation for being such a douche, whine and cry that he was just trying to be funny. Of course you were just trying to be funny, Bomani. Of course you were. And I am the King of Siam. Et Cetera, Et Cetera.

So–why am I bringing all this up? Because Bo decided to bring up a survey of the 500 residents of Hyde County (glove-tap to janeybell for that zinger) that supposedly showed that nobody in NC gives a fig for (or even knows about) the Hurricanes, and then use that as an excuse to show his ass yet again (on the heels of Greg Wyshynski’s mild clowning on the survey in the midst of getting some quotes from Hurricanes’ Media Czar Mike Sundheim)…after which Bo pussed out when questioned in the commentbox about what his “point” was supposed to be.

SUMMATION: Bo doesn’t know dinky-doo. He’s also a whiner–apparently anyone who took issue with him even in the slightest is an “oversensitive fan who missed the point”. Dudeman is a turtler, bigtime; therefore, I shall dub him Claude Avery.

(BTW, for those who have IMed or e-mauled me asking me to call in: I would like to, but I don’t have a phone at my desk nor do I know if I’ll be able to get into the equipment room at work so I can use the phone there. They don’t pay me teh moniez to hammer Bristoleros on the phone, yanno.

My major issue with the survey is that the sample size is pretty damn miniscule. It’s like Jeremy Clarkson asking a question of one audience member on Top Gear and then saying “There you have it, nought percent of the British population own a Prius/like diesels/want speed cameras/whatever”–which he does specifically to poke fun at pollsters. 500 people is not a sufficient sample size to give a good result, unless the base that the sample is drawn from is also very small (e.g. 500 people out of 10,000). Moreover, where was the survey conducted? Do I have to get out the Barbecue Map and show you mooks the sports breakdown of North Carolina or something?

I also have to wonder what the author of that poll was drinking when he came up with it–but that’s a question for another day.

ISSUE THREE: The Schedule

Yay, schedule’s out. Whoopie-ding, Detroit is the last game before the State Fair Road Trip (and of course, somebody’s already engaged in asshattery over it–quelle grande surprise).

Big deal. SlugFans are worse than Wings fans anyway–except that once the SlugFans sober up, they can at least talk hockey in a semi-intelligent manner.

Now that that’s out of the way:

I’m far more interested in the fact that the schedule is finally back to some semblance of normalcy–of course, since division rivals get played 6 times a piece, invariably some mental giant out there is going to start bringing out the “DEE DEE DEE, SE Division only gets a seed cos they play a weak division, durrr.”

The Red Wings win the President’s Trophy damn near every season because they play a weak division, and I don’t hear anyone saying anything about that. So why does the Southeast Division get hailed on? The Sabres won the President’s Trophy with the exact same division record that the Hurricanes had the year they won the Cup–but I don’t hear anything about that except for the random SlugThug calling me “bitter and angry” because s/he’s too drunk or soaked in his/her own personal issues to come up with something actually intelligent to say. So why does the Southeast Division get hailed on?

I keep hoping to have a cogent discourse with somebody on this topic–but so far it’s been about as fruitful as a Wipe Club raid*.

WARNING: Very funny, especially if you’re a WoW player, but there’s lots of profanity thrown about at that link. Don’t listen at work or with the kids around.

Guess Who Might Be Coming For Dinner? — LSB

I don’t even fucking believe it. Jeff O’Neill? The guy who needed shipped out of Raleigh before he wound up piledriving himself into a bridge abutment after getting tanked at Crowley’s?  The guy who was surly with fans (including his #1 fan on the whole damn planet, who he ripped a new one just for saying “hi” to him on the street), surly with the media, and whose best year was the Year of The Great Finals Run (well OK, and the year before, when he became the franchise’s first 40-goal man since Brendan damn Shanahan)?

The dude who played in a beer league all last season rather than play in the minors?  What?  I would HOPE he’s being looked at as an Albany signing, fo realz. I would also hope that O’s managed to get it through his head that if he wants to have anything even remotely resembling a career in the NHL again, he’s going to have to start in the minors and work his way into The Show.

And I’ll let the Tribal Elders take care of the other stuff.

4 March 1991. Eddie Johnston–then the GM of the Hartford Whalers–trades away Whalers captain Ron Francis, defenceman Ulf Samuelsson, and forward Grant Jennings to the Pittsburgh Penguins for John Cullen and Zarley Zalapski. As soon as the Whalers’ season ends shortly thereafter, Johnston himself resigns and takes a job with–dun dun dun!–the Penguins, who go on to win the first of their two Cups that season. To this day, anyone who was a fan of the team back then still considers that move a deliberate kneecapping by a dishonest scuzzwipe.

Why do I bring this up?  Because of the following letter that appeared in the N&O’s sports section this morning:

Canes could be repeating history

Flashback to March 4, 1991: General manager Eddie Johnston of the Hartford Whalers trades fan favorite Ron Francis to the Pittsburgh Penguins, alienates fans, and the Penguins go on to win the Stanley Cup.

Brilliant.

It would appear that fools are bound to repeat history. Shortsighted, one-sided trades are the most damning legacy of this team.

Will we have to wait eight years and slog through a dearth of lousy replacements before we see Erik Cole in Raleigh again? And will Edmonton win the Stanley Cup this year?

Jennifer Fitts

Raleigh

Thanks for that letter, Ms. Fitts–in one fell swoop, you and your errant grasp of history have managed to further the stereotype of female fans as dim-witted puckbunnies who know dick-all about hockey (and the tool who write the same thing to the Fayettenam Observer furthers the stereotype of Hurricanes fans in general as a bunch of uneducated rubes who know dick-all about hockey).

I fail to see the comparison between The Eternal Captain and the super-caffeinated Erik “Espresso” Cole, and it’s a little early to call the trade “one-sided”. Have you watched Pitkanen play?  More than likely not. Have you read any scouting reports about him?  More than likely not. I’m more than happy to reserve final judgement until the middle of December, but really?  The team needed (still needs) defence, and Cole was the only tradeable asset. Had more been given up along with him, then yes–the trade would have been one-sided. But really?  As it stands now it’s pretty even.

So please, people–before getting all up in teh dramaz and making comparisons that don’t exist, learn a little bit about history. Seriously.

First off: The SS Kevin Lowe has finally launched a retaliatory strike at Burkeistan. The only thing I take issue with is the crack on the market in Anaheim, because it reeks of the elitist snobbery that every franchise south of Chicago has had to take for years regardless of success. That was bush-league. The rest? Oh man, I was lollerskating around the room kids. That was just some classic bitchiness, and I was loving it to death.

Issue Two: According to the Ottawa Sun’s Bruce Garrioch, Tampa Bay Lightning San Jose Sharks defenceman Dan Boyle is more than a little upset with the floppy red pair of clownshoes new regime in T-Bay for first telling telling him that he’d be a part of things, and then turning around and asking him to waive his NTC so he could be traded to San Jose (along with Brad Lukowich) in exchange for Matt Carle and a couple draft picks–after threatening to put him on waivers and making sure that Atlanta would get him.

Issue Three: Washington is fux0red. After making the playoffs for the first time since 2003, the Capitals decided to let Mr. Regular Season walk (and get signed by Chicago) and opted for Jose Theodore instead. Gutsy move there by GMGM–what’s he going to do when Theodore winds up being less than useless to him and Aleksandr Balshoii can’t score enough to make up for all the goals that get let in?

Issue Four: Cujo is back in Toronto. *points and laughs*

And finally: The Ottawa Senators are apparently wanting to get their mitts on Frankie Kaberle. Granted, it IS Bruce “Less Right Than A Busted Watch” Garrioch saying this–but if the Sens want to take Alien Frankie off our hands they are welcome to him. We’ll be glad to give him to you in exchange for like Antoine Vermette or somebody. *snicker*

This is an open thread only because I’m swamped here at work and can’t spare the time to come up with a rant about Josef freaking Melichar.

The floor, folks–it is yours.

So as I said earlier, I knew about the trade the minute it was announced on NHL Live. My head hit the desk, because really–I know that Snatch (who is an RFA) is going to want stupid money that he’s not worth, which means that when JR signs him so that he can save face, we’ll effectively be done looking for defencemen.

We are so fux0red. Not as fux0red as Tampa or Washington, but we’re still fux0red.

So, Cole. Not the same since he got Orpiked, but still–he was one of our better forwards and he was getting back into form. Dudeman was also our only tradeable asset, thanks to the 23987234724 NTCs that JimR handed out like Halloween candy–and with John-Michael LiLOLs out of the picture, JimR kinda had to trade for what he could trade for.

He better not be done.

More of a breakdown from Luke, who was at the Presser (and who takes a nice potshot at Perez Eklund).

We better damn not be done.