This is Chancellor Merlin Liao. Merlin is often referred to in our house as “Der Führer”, because he is….well, he’s der Führer. He is the smallest of our cats, and along with that runtiness comes an inversely proportional sense of entitlement and extreme bossiness. Merlin runs the house–he tells us when it’s time to go to bed, he tells us when it’s time to feed the cats, he tells my husband when the TV is too loud and interrupting
me when I am trying to sleep his beauty rest, and so on. You get the picture.
Merlin, like all cats, doesn’t like it when you don’t accept his rule over the household (specifically, he doesn’t like it when my husband doesn’t accept his rule over the household–I, on the other hand, make sure to pay the Pet Tax regularly and feed him twice daily; which mollifies him). So what he will do is wait until the offender falls asleep–at which point he will hop up onto the bed and camp by the target’s head…and he will wait until he is sure that the target is fast asleep.
Then he will growl, camp his front paws on the offender’s head (with his very sharp little claws out), and start pulling on the target’s hair while asserting his status as the true ruler of the house–rather than, say, as the de jure ruler of the house, which is Maximilian’s job.
We call this a “Merlin hat”, and the recipient becomes the object of much derision. Only once have I been the recipient of a Merlin Hat, because I decided to ignore Merlin’s requests for payment of the Pet Tax in favour of getting some sleep. My husband, on the other hand, can count on “getting the Hat” at least thrice weekly.
I had the next day off, so I was up late one night playing WoW while the hubby was at work. He called home.
“Merlin did something very strange last night…”
What did he do?
“Well, I was asleep, when Merlin hopped up on the bed and ran up by my head.”
I sense that this is going somewhere….
“He stared at me for a few minutes, and then he did the strangest thing.”
And that was?
“He growled, and started pulling my hair with his teeth. Then he started humping my head.”
*peals of laughter*
“What’s so funny?”
You got skullfucked by a *cat*?
“It’s not funny.”
No, it’s not funny. It’s hysterically funny! You got skullfucked by a cat?! *falls out of chair laughing*
*husband hangs up*
Why do I tell you this story? Because Merlin has also been known to give somebody the Hat after being humiliated (like when somebody laughs at him or bounces him off the bed), or just on general principle (so that the people know who’s boss or because he got the drop on somebody).
To put this in hockey terms:
So now if you hear me talking about “giving somebody/some team the Hat”, I am referring to this.