Sweet Tea, Barbecue, and Bodychecks

Yeah, so last night I went to the Canes-Rangers game. I was fairly fully expecting the ‘Canes to get pwned as they have just about every time they’ve played a game after a break, and hoping that Sean Avery would get a beatdown or three (dozen) just to break the monotony.

The fun started before the puck even dropped. No sooner had the lights come up and everyone gathered for the opening faceoff than Scott “Remo Williams” Walker and Sean Avery threw down. It wasn’t much of a fight, really. They wrestled a bit, and the linesmen immediately broke it up and sent them both to the penalty box for roughing. The real fun, however, was yet to come. Wade Brookbank and Colton Orr threw down at 3:41 of the first–Wade got his face pwned, and he and Orr made a date for later in the game.

After Remo laid a hit on Scott Gomez that had more than a little elbow action to it less than 45 seconds later, a writhing mass of players (or, to quote The Mighty Forslund, “a bevy of humanity”) congregated in the southwest corner of the rink and commenced to discussing the merits of said hit.

Birthday boy Tim Gleason waded in and wound up wrestling with Jaromir Jagr–and was summarily ejected for violating rule 47.16 (Third Man In).

Walker and Avery got into it again, and both got to have a sit-down for five minutes–well, except for Avery. He got 4610 and 2 just ahead of me for instigating (yeah I know, big shock there).

And about 9 minutes and change later, Orr and Brookbank stepped to each other for Round 2. That fight was a bit more even, for those who keep score at home. I could just hear Marv Albert and Ferdie Pacheco breaking it all down in my head, and decided that I better not go get another Diet Pepsi once I’d finished the one I was currently drinking.

Things settled down after that–some cheatin’ wife-stealin’ no-good dirtbag who whined his way out of Hartford and deserves to have the air let out of his tires Ranger scored, people were falling down all over the place, and Bret of the Gimpy Hip not only played defence but he also made me laugh by first clotheslining Petr Prucha at the Hurricanes’ blueline and then giving him the Flying Buttcheek. If he’d thrown in a Stinkface for good measure, it would have brought the house down. Either that, or it would have made me fall out my chair laughing. One of the two.

The crowd was admittedly a bit on the light side (except in Section 328, which is always well-staffed and ready to overwhelm the audio pickups on Press Row), but they were really into it. The last minute of the game was pretty tense, as the Rangers pulled Lundqvist to get a 6-on-3 and even knocked Cam’s stick out of his hand for good measure–but the good guys prevailed in the end.

Thursday night should be interesting, as it always is when Chairman Mo comes back for a visit. Let’s just hope Sportsnet East doesn’t pre-empt the game for like NASCAR or something.

The one year I take only the most peripheral of interest in the ASG weekend, Eric Staal wins the Whalercanes’ first-ever MVP honours. According to what little I saw on Versus, the game was actually fun to watch–I did see Ovechkin’s attempt at a “trick shot”, though. OK, and I saw Nabokov keep messing up Martin St. Louis’ attempts to be cute with an occasional pokecheck. That was actually pretty funny. And I also felt the disturbance in the force that was the collective angst of Islanders Nation when DiPietro was caught on audio saying “FUCK! My hip!” 15 years, huh?  Egad.

Former Carolina Hurricanes’ prospect Nate Hagemo is currently sitting in the Hennepin County lockup on drug charges after getting busted with paraphernalia in a low-rent part of Minneapolis. From this mugshot here, I am betting that he’s a tweaker–which is not a good thing. The ‘Canes helped him once before when he had issues with addiction, but now?  He’s on his own, and his “comeback” attempt is pretty much hosed.

Shortly before the weekend, Luke DeCock made a very good argument for the Triangle finally getting the ASG.  The NHL made a promise to us some years ago, and they have yet to deliver on it while we’ve been busting our asses to do whatever it takes to get the ASG in our town–including busting ass to get to 12,309 season tickets before the start of the 2001-2002 season (whether the numbers were fudged by people no longer with the org or not is another issue–but the League agreed that the effort was sufficient and vowed to deliver on their end of the bargain…which, of course, never happened).  Want five-star hotel accomodations?  We got it (wish I could afford to spend the night there).  Want stuff to do?  We got it. We even have a pretty good hockey team here. C’mon Gary, it’s time to finally man up and deliver on that oath.

Tomorrow the Hurricanes take on the Rangers at the RBC. I’ll be heading right over from work, which should be fun. “Hello RBC parkbots, here’s $8 so that you don’t call somebody to tow my car that’s been parked there since 9 AM.”

Yay, everyone gets a week off in observance of the annual train wreck high-school popularity contest that is the All-Star Game–and in honour of the event Versus has put together this nice little video for us.

I really shouldn’t watch because I think that letting the fans vote is a complete crock, and I’ll undoubtedly bitch about the beer-league level of play come Monday, but I’ll watch anyway because by Sunday at 6 I’ll be so hockey-starved that I’ll even watch boring-ass no-check women’s hockey on Oxygen (Memo to the IIHF: We’re not made of porcelain, it’s OK to let us hit each other).

Well that and I want to see if anyone will finally beat Al Iafrate’s slapshot record on Saturday night. Cos that’ll be cool, even if the puck will have to be moving so fast that it’ll be well on its way out of our galaxy by the end of the night after having created its own gravity well and sucking all of the Atlanta metro area into a singularity.

So it’ll be cool right up until the world ends about five minutes later and the solar system becomes a feeder for a black hole. Which in itself would be kinda cool.

Just sayin’.

The Toronto Maple Leafs have finally fired their GM. — TSN I am amazed that it took them this long, really. Of course, with Dick Peddie doing his best to screw things up at every turn, my amazement is admittedly minor. Word on the street is that Chairman Mo is next on the block, but I have it on pretty good authority that he’s signed another contract with Old Scratch and will be in power for a bit longer.In other news, the Hurricanes ride a two-game win streak into the second half of a home-and-home with the Islanders tonight. No TV for this one, so if you are not in the house to get your life-size Ray Whitney figurine you will have to listen to ChuckandtheletterK on teh radio.Now watch, because I blogged on a game day the ‘Canes will get their collective face pwned. It would be my luck. 

Yeah, we won. (7-2?  Damn, why can’t we beat down like Atlanta or somebody like that?)

The team was much improved over Thursday night–though really, I don’t see how they could have been worse. Samsonov continues to impress as he has done since he got here, but I am still not 100% sold and will reserve final judgement until about the fourth game or so after the ASG.

I had a strange feeling about this game when Tripp was interviewing Ray Whitney during pre-game skate and I heard “The Rising” playing at the RBC (BTW, those of you who didn’t want to go because you’re bandwagon-hoppers who only support winners? You coulda offered me your seats. Just sayin’). It was like the Hurricanes were trying to recapture the mojo from 2006, and the aliens even obliged by bringing back Cup Run Frankie for the night. Thank you aliens!

The Oilers…oh man, oh man. I know none of their fans will ever believe me (not that I blame them), but I felt bad for them last night. Does MacT have pictures of Kevin Lowe or something, or is Lowe as insane as I think he is?  Why does that man still have a job after almost seven years of futility?  Did he inherit Chairman Mo’s contract with the devil or something?

The Hurricanes are off today, and play again on the Island come Monday–which should be fun. Let’s see of Joe, Lord of Evil decides to light ‘em up for old time’s sake.

Ah, who am I kidding?

I’m drinking heavily until further notice–hey, at least I’m not smoking again!

Mind you, what I am drinking heavily is Diet Cherry Coke so…

This morning while on the way to work, I was thinking two things:

1) I wish I had headphones, so I can listen to NHL Live at work (and write in to bust EJ Hradek’s Bristolero bollocks on a daily basis for being a dumbass).

2) Being a fan of a team is like being in an abusive relationship sometimes. You keep getting yanked around and beaten down and humiliated and generally treated like ass, but you stick around because you love your abuser and cling to the belief that s/he will change. Of course, sports teams are far far easier to leave than abusive partners–for one, you just have to cancel your season tickets or stop attending games. For the other, you need to get a restraining order or completely drop out of sight with the help of friends and family.

/sigh

This is Year Two of the Five Year Grace Period, so really I don’t feel like I should be complaining. But at the same time, I’d just like to not get beat down every night–or at least, I’d like even a whiff of effort. That way I can say “Well, at least we tried, yanno?” Y’know what I mean?

Tonight, the Hurricanes are going to host the Oilers for the first time since the day I quit smoking. Wow, how times have changed–I no longer work at a Stop-n-Rob, the Hurricanes are officially in the Season From Hell v2.0, and the Oilers are having goalie issues like the Hurricanes are…only not quite to the extent that the Hurricanes are. And by making a blogpost on a game day, I have ensured that the Hurricanes will lose their fifth straight–no need to thank me, Oilers fans. I’m sure that your thanks will come in the form of my bleeding severed head on a pike in front of the Warchief’s house by noon tomorrow.

(Hey, they gotta blame somebody when they lose, right?)

No, I didn’t watch CSI instead of the game tonight. I fell asleep on the couch with the game on–and had this nightmare that Antoine Vermette laughingly dug my heart out of my chest with his stick and fed it to a raven wearing a Sens #7 jersey.

I woke up, the game was over, and I went “awwww man”.  Then I remembered “hey wait a minute!  I have a DVR and it recorded the game!  Duh AQ.” So I hit the “Play From Beginning” button, and realized that it wasn’t a nightmare after all.

There were exactly TWO highlights (unless of course you’re a Sens fan):

1) Tim Gleason batting the puck out of the air and preventing what would have been a 6-1 game at the end.

2) Ray Whitney scoring on the powerless play.

That’s IT. It didn’t get so bad as seven guys in the penalty box together, but it was close–and the Hurricanes have their first 4-game losing streak since the Season From Hell. When Frankie Kaberle hung Cam out to dry on how many goals?  I was through.

I watched the whole game–twice–in a definite display of Train Wreck Syndrome. My husband said “Didn’t you just watch this?  Why are you subjecting yourself to it again?” And all I could say to that was “It’s like seeing a fat man in a ‘nanner-hammock–I just can’t help but stare while my brain screams in torment.”

And the best part?  I get to do it all over again Friday night when the Oilers play us. Yay.

Hands of Feet gets traded to the Windy City for “Future Considerations” — TSN

This can be taken one of two ways: It’s an attempt to get the Canes some picks that they can use to restock the pond, OR it’s a message that not even a Company Man is safe–and Jason Karmanos’ old Hahvahd buddy was definitely a Company Man.

Until I hear otherwise, I am betting it’s both.

Edit 13:09–Per Luke DeCock, this transaction is more a “past is future” deal–the Hawks are simply repaying the favour we did them when we took Sergei the Keebler Elf off their hands.

The Hurricanes will be playing the Sens tonight at ScotiaBank Place–I am betting that one team will have a losing streak snapped, and that it won’t be the Hurricanes.

Dude, is it The Season From Hell again? Did I fall into a time-dilation warp somewhere or something?

Whatever. I’ll be in my Thursday Night Living Room watching the carnage, with CSI recording on teh DVR as usual.

Anyway–the N&O this morning has an argh-ticle about the Hurricanes’ issues. One line that struck me as funny was “Help is on the way”–which had me picturing Scott “Remo Williams” Walker as Mrs. Doubtfire and led to the explosion of my mind’s eye in a thermonuclear fireball because….damn.

Moving right along. In an interview on 850 teh Buzz, JimR mentioned that everything was being looked at, including coaching, which brings me to possibly the first truly salient point I’ve made all season:

I think Lavi is being kept on the shelf past his expiry date.

There, I said it. I am eternally grateful to Lavi for 2006, I really am. I also like how he turned the team around after the 8-year trainwreck that was Chairman Mo. But I’ve finally decided to give in to the nagging voice in the back of my subconscious that keeps telling me that Peter Laviolette is one of those coaches who has a distressingly short shelf-life and say “He doesn’t suck, but he’s got a shorter lifespan than a Nexus Six.” I mean, this is the longest coaching tenure he’s had with any team.

I think that JimR should try to find a way to have Lavi exit gracefully (as gracefully as a coach can exit anyway), and get new blood behind the bench. If it takes another season, so be it, but the Hurricanes need to find a replacement and fast, and they need to go outside the organization to find that replacement (like they did when they brought Lavi in).

Do I think that the players hate him? No. I don’t get that vibe. But I do think that his message has worn thin. I do think that he has lost the players in the locker room–including (perhaps especially) the Village Elders–and I do think that it’s time for him to move on.

Idiots and know-nothings can say what they want. Pundits and crazed Magyars can bag the goalies and blast the defence (not that the defence doesn’t deserve a little blasting) and whatever, but I think that change in this case needs to be effected at the top.

So, tonight we shall see what we shall see I guess.

When I said in my previous post that I didn’t want the Hurricanes to win the SE if it meant that they’d be third-by-default, I wasn’t expecting the Atlanta Thrashers to take me seriously. But y’know?  I’m glad they did, because I was starting to get worried that a team that really doesn’t seem to give half a damn would actually make it into the playoffs.

ATTN HURRICANES: YOU DO NOT HAVE ENOUGH TALENT TO WIN ON TALENT ALONE.

Last season, I didn’t care. This season, I care but I am trying not to start smoking again. If it’s not fans on x Random Messageboard gettin’ all bipolar, it’s the team choking a gods-damned tie in Hogtown.

HOW THE HELLS DO YOU CHOKE A TIE?!

*sigh*

So, some highlights from last night:

Borer = keeper

Ladd and Cole get a stay of execution. Good to see Sergei the Keebler Elf finally get on teh scoreboard this season. I only fault the Cam and Mike Show for two of those goals.

AND THEN THERE IS OUR DEFENCE:

Dennis? Ich hab’ dich lieb, but if we get the chance to get somebody better for you then you gotta go.
Timmay, dunno what your issue has been the last few games but the flu only lasts but so long yanno?
Frankie? I’ll take the Dread Master over him.
Wes is doing the best he can.
Commodore? Package him up with Atlanta Frankie and see if we can bribe the Avs into parting with Liles.

And for the painful part: 

Something is seriously physically wrong with the Warchief, I don’t think that it’s the flu, and I am now convinced that he suffers from Hedicanitis because he’s being a selfish bastard by not being up-front with people or teh org about what his issue is. Gods it hurt to say that.

This team is killin’ me here. When I’d rather watch CSI reruns on Spike than watch a ‘Canes game?  That’s saying some shit right there.

AND BEFORE ANYONE SAYS ANYTHING: I expect that Dwayne Klessel will have Yet Another Staal-To-$TEAM Rumour<tm> up by this afternoon–but really?  Unless it’s for like Ovechkin or somebody else like that, Staal won’t go anywhere. He is The Chosen One, there is no way that JimR will get rid of him unless it’s for some absolutely ridiculous return coming our way. Just sayin’.

(p.s. Dammit Thrashers, why did you have to stop at 5 goals last night?!)

Ow.

Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.

No, I didn’t watch last night. I listened to ChuckandtheletterK. It was great until the third period when the aliens showed up and beamed the Hurricanes out of the RBC. Somewhere, Tommy the Usenet BadAss is spooging himself with glee. My sister, OTOH, called me and said “Uhhh…AQ?  What the hell was that nonsense that your team just pulled?”

“Well,” I said, “We choked. We had y’all on the ropes, and choked it like the Boston Strangler.”

Points to Tim Conboy for stepping up to the plate. An ice pack or three for the bruises that Scott Parker left on your grill, dude. And Commodore?  WTF was that, defending against your own damn teammate?  Seriously, I’m asking here.

Frankie Kaberle needs to go. He needs to go posthaste. Hells, trade him to the Rangers for Malik. Sure, Harry’s not having that hot a season–but even the Dread Master can play defence despite the occasional braincramp!  And people picking on Samsonov for not scoring?  Fuck off. What, you expected him to score eleventy-billion goals in the three (so far) games that he’s had with us?  That’s not enough of a statistical sample to go on, and I’m trying to keep each team separate. Capisce?

The night was supposed to be cool–the Warchief gets #1100, the ‘Canes win and shut up this trolltard (whose nick shall not be revealed to be wlcinac919) that loves to post on TSB about how pathetic the Hurricanes are and how great the Avs are, and everything gets better from here. Instead, we’re still mired in November and December with little to no end in sight.

I’ll say it now–I don’t want to make the playoffs, if it means that we’ll be third-by-default. Third on points, second or first on points…but not third-by-default. That’s settling, and I refuse to settle.

Just sayin’.

26 August 1994. The Hartford Whalers have been sold to Peter Karmanos, and he wants to send a message to the fans that the team intends to “win now.” New GM Jim Rutherford decides to make a splash by signing Boston Bruins blueliner Glen Wesley to an RFA offer sheet, and Boston’s then-GM Harry Sinden spooges himself at the chance to stick it to a division rival. Sinden elects not to match, and the Whalers are forced to give up three first-round draft picks.

Draft Day 1995. Harry Sinden rubs his hands with glee as he steps to the podium and uses the first of Hartford’s generous gifts to draft Tacoma Rockets defenceman Kyle McLaren. Jim Rutherford drafts goalie Jean-Sebastien Giguere, who goes on to win a Cup with the Anaheim Ducks. Kyle McLaren goes on to become notorious for trying to drive Richard Zednik’s nose into his brain-stem with his elbow in the 2002 playoffs, and eventually is traded to the San Jose Sharks.

Draft Day 1996. Harry Sinden grins like an idiot as he drafts Brandon Wheat Kings defenceman Johnathan Aitken with the second of Hartford’s generous gifts. Jim Rutherford drafts left winger Trevor Wasyluk in the second round. Aitken flames out in spectacular fashion and goes on to play in the DEL for Klagenfurt. Wasyluk never even sniffs the NHL, and eventually retires from hockey in 2003.

Draft Day 1997. Harry Sinden gleefully uses the third wish provided him by the Hartford genie and drafts forward Sergei Samsonov (who at the time was playing with the IHL’s Detroit Vipers). The Hartford Whalers have moved to North Carolina and are now the Carolina Hurricanes. Jim Rutherford drafts defenceman Nikos (Don’t call me Chris!) Tselios with a draft pick gotten from Detroit in the Brendan Shanahan trade. Samsonov wins the Calder Trophy that season. Tselios plays a whopping two games with the Hurricanes, and eventually leaves the Hurricanes’ system during the Season From Hell.

8 January 2008: In a strange twist of irony, Sergei Samsonov is picked up by the Carolina Hurricanes after being put on waivers by the Chicago Blackhawks–Samsonov’s third team in about as many years.

Hey, it’s only about 10 years or so too late. Ever since that Finals run with Edmonton in ‘06, the man just hasn’t been “all there”. It’s like the guy just went into check-cashing mode, which is not what we need on this team right now.  What do I think about the pickup?  Uhh…no. I think that JimR should have gotten over Black Friday and called Brian Burke to offer a draft pick for Bryzgalov so that this team could have a goaltender that could be a clear Number One rather than continuing the John Grahame Experiment (and don’t get me started on the classless idiots on x Random Messageboard who decided to send ol’ Crackers off with some pathetic STD smack). I think that we could have done better than Samsonov.

Another fool on x Random Messageboard is taking people to task for refusing to be all ZOMGYAYW00TOMFGBBQ!!!1 over this acquisition–”wait and see–remember Cullen?”  Yeah, well Cullen played in seriously defensive systems before coming here, sunshine. So I’ll wait and see just how much Samsonov manages to live down to his recent career (lack of) performance.

Just sayin’. Oh yeah–and the Hurricanes take on the Bruins tonight. If Samsonov scored the game-winner against them, then it really would be kinda ironic.

Go Canes.

Luke DeCock > Dwayne Klessel

Now I believe that Crackers is on waivers.

Ah yes, teh intarnets are all a-buzz with the latest from Dwayne-o:

Crackers is on waivers according to Tim Panaccio’s BFF, Cujo to the Hurricanes is an e4, and fans on X Random Messageboard are all a-twitter about it. I, on the other hand, am being smart about this (as are quite a few others).

Let’s look at the evidence, shall we?

1) The Hurricanes have nothing about it.

2) TSN has nothing about it.

3) The CBC has nothing about it.

4) Bristol has nothing about it.

Therefore, I’m pretty sure at the moment that if none of those proven reputable sources are saying Crackers is on waivers, then Crackers is not on waivers. If my own contacts inside the NHL aren’t saying Crackers is on waivers, then Crackers is not on waivers.

Fuck me, some of you mooks are so gullible. Really. If a Nigerian con-artist e-mails you offering you the princely sum of ten million dollars in exchange for helping him recover six hundred million from an inheritance left to him by his uncle Prince Cheatamugu, do you wire his ass sixty thousand dollars to cover bribes?  Do you give all your money to Oral Roberts and Benny Hinn because they said that your bunions would stop hurting if you did?  Do you fall for the magazine-sellers that come to the door and ask for cash moniez?

 Think about that the next time you read something on Dwayne-O’s Blog O’Crap.

*throws papers in the air and walks away*

For the last five days, I’ve tried to come up with something pithy to post here regarding the Hurricanes’ inability to get it together for more than a game here or a game there.

And for the last five days, my attitude could easily be interpreted as ”well, if they don’t care then I don’t care.” Great attitude to have, no?  Of course, I do care. I’m also angry, but the angry is more at the attitude of some of my fellow fans than at the team.

Am I frustrated with the Hurricanes’ inability to get their act together come gametime?  Of course I am. But I really don’t see the use in screaming and hollering and beating my chest like various random idjits that infest the fanbase like cockroaches. So rather than bring the assy or the angry, I’m going to just have some fun around here.

It’s either that or start smoking again.