Sweet Tea, Barbecue, and Bodychecks

Archive for December 8th, 2007

Sunday Bloody Sunday

08 Dec 2007 @ 10:32 PM

Dear Red Wings fans,

I see your IP addresses. You’re here hoping to hear me sling some good old-fashioned hate at your beloved Red Wings.

You’re hoping to see me drop an angerbomb or two about 2002, possibly wind up soiling yourselves with glee at seeing me rant nonsensically about how much I hate you personally, hate your team, hate your town (Congratulations on being named the Most Dangerous City in America, by the way. I’m sure y’all are SO proud), and how mortally ashamed I am at half my maternal relatives being fans of that gods-cursed team with the second-assiest fans in the NHL.

Whatever.

I think that five years of hearing “oh, you’re just jealous that we’ve won three Cups in the last ten years” and “oh, you’re just upset over 2002″ despite signed affidavidts from my closest relatives that I’ve hated all the sports teams in Detroit (including and especially the Red Wings and the Pistons) since I was a child is more than enough. I’m tired of being told how I really feel by a bunch of arrogant besserwissern that have known me all of two years (and even then, not all that well). I’m tired of the disrespect that comes with the attitude that everyone else should just roll over and die for the Mighty Detroit Red Wings–especially when that disrespect comes from frontrunning mouthbreathers that wouldn’t know Alex Delvecchio if he walked up to them on the street and cross-checked them. I’m tired of the frontrunning attitude, tired of the excusemaking and double-standardization associated with the attendance woes in Detroit, tired of little two-faced bitches like Mitch Albom that come here and enjoy our hospitality one day only to turn around and trash us the next.

Suffice it to say that I hope the Hurricanes win tomorrow in much the same manner that they won tonight–through the unrestrained use of excessive force. A few small incendiary devices wouldn’t hurt either, but I’ll take what I can get.

Now fuck off back to your slums and your decaying auto plants and your self-important assholery. And please take my mother’s father’s relatives with you.

Go Canes.