To: Steve Gorten, South Florida Sun-Sentinel

From: The Acid Queen, Hurricanes blogger

Subj: Your Game-day Whine

Mr. Gorten,

I realize that you want to get fans’ minds off the fact that their team wilts like one of Gordon Ramsay’s commis chefs when they’re under pressure¹. I realize that you want to divert attention from the fact that your team’s captain looks like a naked mole rat. I realize that you just want to get the fans fired up for tonight’s game against the Hurricanes and conveniently ignore the SIX THIRD-PERIOD GOALS that were scored by the Hurricanes to tie it up in that last game. I realize that. It’s okay.

But really–calling us divers because you lost to us the night before Crunk-ass Eddie got pwnt by the Miami-Dade PD…because Eric Staal lost an edge and fell on his ass and the ref made an erroneous hooking call? You gotta be kidding me!

And the rest of you lot down there aren’t much better. Fans on a Panthers board are planning to show up at the Cat Box tonight wearing goggles and swim caps and standing on the ‘Canes end of the ice to try to “make them realize that they’re a bunch of divers”. Wow, and here I thought Sabres fans were some bigtime sore losers. I guess y’all just can’t hang with getting pwned by us on a regular basis–can’t beat us with Luongo, can’t beat us with Belfour…maybe Tomas Vokoun will get pantsed by Frankie Kaberle on an OT penalty shot and toss his stick up into the netting again. That should be fun, especially when you and your fellow South Florida mediots (not to mention the Panthers) find something new to whine and cry about should the Hurricanes lay the smack down tonight.

In closing, I’d like to offer you one crying towel from last year’s ECF. It’s only slightly used and has some ready-made excuses printed on it so that when the ‘Canes beat down the Panthers another seven times this season, you’ll have some seed material for yet another whiny argh-ticle.

Love and kisses,

AQ

p.s. Potvin Sucks.

¹: Yes, Captain Obvious, I realize that article is from the Palm Beach Post. Sue me for using it to make a point, OK?