Sweet Tea, Barbecue, and Bodychecks

Dear self,

Set the DVR next time.

Now that that’s out of the way….

I wanted to have this post be about fan superstitions and how they can change from regular season to postseason, but the big stumbling block for me is “how the hell do I put it?”

Some fans don’t put a lot of stock in superstitions, but a lot of us do. It’s part of the fan experience. Sure, a lot of players have their own little superstitions/traditions–the playoff beards, certain articles of clothing, particular ways of taping sticks or little things that they do before games–but fans? Oy, we fans can really take the cake.

For example:

REGULAR SEASON:

Perform Ritual of the Bitter Bean if working third shift the night before a game or first shift the day of a game.
Avoid Camel Cremas.

PLAYOFFS:

Diet Coke.
Avoid Camel Izmir Stingers.

REGULAR SEASON:

Play World of Warcraft or Warcraft III before/during the game.
Listen to Chuck Kaiton, DVR John and Tripp and watch them later.

PLAYOFFS:

Play Civ3 and Neverwinter Nights before the game.
Be asleep or at work during the game. If awake during game, play Civ3 or NWN.
Listen to Chuck Kaiton after the game.

There are a few others that I have–but I’m not going to post them here because I don’t want to mess up the mojo.

Because the forms must be obeyed, and that.

As for last night’s game:

The Devils are playing like a team that’s already been defeated–in a lot of ways, they’ve become a mirror of the Rangers team that they beat in the first round. They’re fighting, but as hard as they could be. It’s as if they’re going through the motions, with a couple of exceptions–I didn’t see/hear a lot of attack from them last night.

The Canes, on the other hand, are almost the opposite–but they have to be careful not to be lulled into complacency by these mooks, or this series will end badly for them.

Two days off, and then Game 4. We’ll see what happens.

It seems that a group of moronic Devils fans (led by some cerebrally-challenged dysenteric amoeba who calls himself CaptainLou and whose only retort to the much smarter Canes fans on XM yesterday was “Three Cups”) has decided that they’re going to chuck a bunch of beach balls at the Hurricanes bench before Game 3 tonight.

To quote a post from a Devils message board:

At East Rutherford: Cloudy. High 63F. Winds NE at 5 to 10 mph.

Inside CAA: Raining Beach Balls

Follow these instructions so we will NOT have problems

1. Do not understimate the NJSEA CAA security. If they see you with a beach ball, deflated or not, they will take it away immediately.

2. Do not show off your beach balls and enter the arena calmly and sit in your section. Try to arrive at the CAA doors by 6:15 PM

3. With 4 min remaining before the game starts, start inflating your beach ball and do this discretely

4. Hide them under your seats.

5. Try to spot Section 218 or 228(located in the upper bowls and in the corners). Wait for their them to give the “signal” to release the beach balls into the wild CAA crowd.

6. When the lights turn off for pregame introductions, get your beach balls ready and look for the red light signal from 218 to launch them.

7. When you see the red light in 218 flash FIRE AWAY. If you don’t have an overhanging structure in your section, hit the beach ball as high as gravity can take it. If you do have this structure, the best bet is to hit the beach ball straight out into the open. After you are done with your beach ball, start chanting Lets Go Devils.

8. Please cooperate and make this a team effort. Fans inthe 100′s section, try to hit the beach balls over the glass into the carolina bench or the tunnel. Please be careful and use common sense. Do not use these beach balls to hit someone on purpose. Also DO NOT do this during the game, only in pregame. We do not want to get a delay of game penalty. This is our time to shine in front of the whole world. And the Guiness World Record people will be taking notes.

On another Devils board*, fans are talking about scribbling all kinds of wonderful things on the balls before sending them in flight–cracks about Erik Cole, taking potshots about Steve Chiasson, and various other forms of stupidity.

Wow, talk about your class. If any Caniac tried that at the RBC, I guarantee you that there’d be at least five or six people in his section all over him saying “What the hell is wrong with you, foolio?!” and turning him over to the securebots for a stern talking-to.

And the Devils themselves aren’t much better–at least in the case of Marty “sister in-law-boner” Brodeur, who is already throwing his teammates under the bus. Oh, let the excusemaking begin!

Don’t EVEN get me started on the drooling fangrrls and fanbois in various places that are all upset because some “unworthy” Southern team is poised to knock off the New Jersey Devils. I got your “unworthy” right here, you ign’ant assbaguettes.

“Durrr, three cups”. WHAT HAVE YOU DONE FOR US LATELY, CLOWNBOATS? The answer is: NOT A DAMN THING.

Go Canes.
VICTORY OR DEATH! SCREW JUSTICE, I WANT A CUP!

*:board names hidden to prevent the asshats from getting traffic. Puck ‘em, Go Canes.

Oh boy oh boy, some folks just. Never. Freaking. Learn.

A couple days ago, faithful readers, you may remember me firing a shot across the bow of Joe Ovies, one of the berks from Raleigh’s own 850 the Buzz.

WELL.

Joe decided that he didn’t like that too much, and fired back with his trusty little dime-store pea-shooter. Among other things, Numbnut decided that he just HAD to whine about my not linking to his post so the world could see his weak, pathetic, pitiful, and otherwise sadder-than-Titanic attempt to look like he knows more than he really does (which is–as the Russians would say–ничего).

Now, I was just going to let it go (after plinking him with a five-inch shell) and just let Joe look like the craven little toolbag that he is…..

….and then I opened up my mailbox yesterday and saw this:

FROM: Adam Gold
TO: The Acid Queen

SUBJ: leave him alone

Your highness,

leave my man, joe ovies, alone!

he didn’t say anything that should have offended you unless you only read one small portion of his blog entry on the subject of the ticket prices.

in any case, we should all be basking in the afterglow of another incredible win and singing kumbaya.

adam gold, host/pd
wrbz 850 the buzz
wdnc 620 the bull

That’s right, kids–JOE OVIES IS SUCH A NUTLESS WEENBAG THAT HE HAD TO SIC HIS BOSS ON ME.

I’ll pause for a moment while you all laugh yourselves senseless.

…

OK, now I have ignored a poke or two from a few folks in blogland in the past (*casts the Evil Fish-Eye at Da Chief*), but this whole thing was just too funny to NOT share.

I mean, can you picture it?

Ovies: “Waaaaah! Boss, the mean ol’ Acid Queen is picking on me! Make her stop! Waaaaah!”

Gold: pats poor Joe on the back and gives him a bottle of hand-lotion “There there Joe. you just go yank your crank to “Beep Beep” in that corner over there and I’ll take care of the nasty blogger. I’ll send her an e-mail–that’ll fix her wagon!”

Congrats, Adam, on proving two things:

1) Your employee is a spineless little weenbag who doesn’t have the sack to fight his own battles.

2) You’re an even bigger toolbag than those of us who had to deal with your anti-hockey garbage during the first 8 years of the team’s existence here already knew you were.

I love the smell of napalm in the morning.

edit 5:20 PM: It appears that I’ve been removed from 850 the Buzz’s blogroll–which, honestly, I’m not shedding a lot of tears over. If they can’t deal with getting doinked with the Reality Bat, it’s not my problem.

Woohoo! I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to GEICO!

This team is going to frickin’ kill me.

But at least it’ll be a good night at work tonight.

…that the time I forget to set the DVR, the Canes wtfpwn their opponent.

Bloody ‘ell–but hey, I am NOT complaining at all. I’ll take it. No really, I’ll take it…especially given some of the comments I’m reading about the anti-Canes bias of the NBC announcerdroids (and yes, I’m taking those comments with a grain of salt).

In other news….

Raleigh sports talk “personality” *snort* Joe Ovies decided that he just had to take a swipe at the fans that are screaming because of the suddenness of the Hurricanes’ price-increase announcement–and why? Because some of the complainers have been fans since the transition years in Greensboro (or further back).

Wow, now that’s class. Let’s go ahead and piss off a chunk of the long-time fanbase for the sake of trying to look cute–not that it’s anything out of the ordinary for you. Good job, Joe. Go back to prattling mindlessly about college ball or something, and stay away from hockey before you make yourself look like an even bigger toolbag.

I’m sorry, but the Greensboro-era fans (of which, by the way, I am one) have a point: they’ve been with this team since Day One here in the Carolinas (and a handful down here have been fans since the days in Hartford), and I think they’re more than a little right to feel like they’ve been buggered sin lubricante by the front office with this one. So gimme my Purple Heart and STFU.

Then Numbnut goes on to say:

Most importantly, if one fan balks at the price there are 10 more right behind him more than happy whip out their credit cards for some Stanley Cup action.

Really? Got something to back that up do you? More importantly, where will those fans be come November when the Blackhawks are in town?

Memo to Joe Ovies: It’s not the increase itself that has people screaming–it’s the fact that it was so suddenly announced and that the organization hemmed and hawed even while people were asking them DURING ROUND ONE how much Rounds 3 and 4 would be so that they could budget. Principle, not object. I realize that’s a hard concept for you to wrap your brain around–but it would be nice if you tried, yeah?

(I tell you, right now I’m kinda glad that I don’t have a working radio in my house, so I don’t have to actually listen to the garbage that tends to pass for “sports talk radio” here in the Triangle.)

…I’m over the increase–what I’m not over, however, is the suddenness of the announcement. It would have been nice if the entire pricing structure for the playoffs had been announced at least a couple months ago (kinda like the Sens did), so that people could at least prepare/plan/budget for it.

Would have saved a lot of ire and hurt feelings, that’s for sure–now I feel like I should send my ticket rep some flowers or something to let him know that I don’t hold his overlings’ shortsightedness against him (because you KNOW the ticket reps are getting hammered for this).

The Hurricanes have decided that they’re going to jack the ticket prices for any later rounds that the team might make–and oh, are the fans screaming. And I can’t say that I blame them, either.

Y’see kids, even though I love this team I am well aware that their sins are many and that they are pretty great–being out-of-touch with the market is one of those great sins, and this latest “surprise” price increase pretty much shows it. I mean, dude. I realize that it’s the playoffs and whatnot–but I don’t want to see MY house loaded down with THEIR fans because OUR fans got priced out of their own seats!

I would hope that the Hurricanes reconsider this, because the backlash from it will completely and utterly–correction, HAS completely and utterly destroyed the buzz started in the first round.

Good job, Canes. Hope you’re happy.

…in the wee hours of the morning after the Hurricanes had been eliminated from the playoffs by the Boston Bruins, the Hurricanes lost defenseman Steve Chiasson in a one-car accident near the water treatment plant on Falls of the Neuse Road.

I could write a long eulogistic post about how much he meant to the fans in Hartford and how devoted he had become to the fans here, or a rambly reminiscence about the virtual wake that was held by all of us on the old Penalty Box message board (a wake that was crashed by MADD trolls hell-bent on telling us all what a horrible evil person Chase was because of one moment of terminal stupidity), but I won’t.

Instead I give to you, my readers–my friends (even though I haven’t met but maybe 3 of you)–this word of advice:

Call a cab, call a friend, hell–call ME. But please don’t get behind the wheel if you’ve been drinking, because it’s a crapshoot whose odds do not favor you.

Rest well, Steve. We miss you.

I’m a little speechless after last night’s game. In a flash, I saw 1986 all over again, except that it would be somebody like Steve Begin playing the part of Kevin Dineen to Bret Hedican’s Larry Robinson.

And then, in a flash, it was over on a shot from Cory Stillman that may or may not have been tipped by Craig Rivet–and it was made clear that that part of history wouldn’t be repeated.

Wow. Just wow.

Now I can play World of Warcraft again–for a couple days. I can play DDO again–for a couple days. I can even watch Hurricanes games–on the DVR.

For a couple days.

And then on Saturday, it starts all over again with those dirty diving damn Devils.

I swear, this team is going to kill me.

(Aside to Tom L: If you still play WoW, gimme a holler. We’ll get together and go hassle the Chinese for a while. For a couple days.)

No Schadenfreude here.

Just…huh.

More commentary in the morning.

edit: OK, I promised no Schadenfreude, and I’m going to hold to that–but if anything this shows what a curse that President’s Trophy is.

…and my inner child is very happy right now.

….do your best to be a dink.

I’m surprised that Monsieur Draft Dodger Deserter didn’t brag about pissing on Peter Laviolette’s shoes, accuse each and every citizen of the Caniac Nation (est. 1997) of having some kind of lobotomy that renders them incapable of understanding hockey, or something equally idiotic and classless.

Not only that, but his writing is some of most gard-arful bulldada that I’ve ever read–perhaps instead of fleeing the country like the coward that he is, he should have stayed and gotten a university exemption from the Draft (so he could take some journalism and composition courses).

But that could just be me.