Sweet Tea, Barbecue, and Bodychecks
To: Sports Editor, News and Observer
From: The Acid Queen
Subj: Ned “Toolbag Junior” Barnett
To whom this concerns;
Ned Barnett? Of all the columnists at the N&O that you could have swapped with a Buffalo rag for this round, it had to be Ned “I don’t know nothin’ ’bout watchin’ no dern hockey” Barnett? I guess Caulton “Toolbag Senior” Tudor is still in hiding from the angry Canes (and Habs) fans after the infamous Frog Incident and was therefore unavailable? Not that he’d be any better, but sheeet mang.
It’s bad enough we have smacktards from Buffalo who don’t know shit about shit (and who know even less about the Triangle and the people who live here) running their ign’ant yaps about us for the benefit of Joe Plumber’sbutt from Lackawackawhatchamafuhgeddaboudit–we don’t need “one of our own” (*snort* *guffaw*) doing the same damn thing about our own damn people.
Suggestion: make my boy J.P. Giglio a columnist and swap him instead–at least he knows hockey (unlike Ned the Nimrod, who after SEVEN YEARS of writing about this team still doesn’t know the difference between offsides and obstruction).
Please, for the love of Forseti, I beg you: take Ned’s keyboard away before he embarrasses the Caniac Nation (est. 1997) any further.
Sincerely,
The Acid Queen
Raleigh, NC
To: SabresFan
From: The AcidQueen
Subj: Ned Barnett
To whom this concerns;
Ned Barnett is not an accurate representative of the Hurricanes fanbase in any way, shape, form, or fashion. Ignore Ned, because he knows even less about hockey than my husband (who not only doesn’t watch hockey at all and who taped over my recordings of the games from 2002 with Buffy The Vampire Slayer episodes, but still thinks that Robert Kron plays for the Hurricanes).
Not that it’ll stop you from continuing to be arrogant assholes or anything, but still.
Kiss my ass if you don’t like me calling you arrogant assholes,
The AcidQueen
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