Sweet Tea, Barbecue, and Bodychecks

Well, that game last night was not the greatest.

HOWEVER:

Despite what some in the Caniac Nation (est. 1997) are saying, the team did not play poorly. They didn’t play as well as they could have or get as lucky as they could have–but their play was actually better than the score would indicate. The difference was goaltending. Tinu was tired, and it showed last night when shots got by him that he normally would have stopped.

Tonight the ‘Canes take on the Philadelphia Flyers. Sadly, Snatch Pitkänen is still out of the lineup for the Flyers tonight, which means I won’t get to entertain my friends with Kama Sutra jokes. If the Flyers ever signed or drafted a Swede named Linge, I think my dirty little mind would finally seize up and explode once and for all.

And if I have to explain that to you people, I am going to be very disappointed.

In other news…..

The Hurricanes made two swaps out of Lowell yesterday, sending Colin Forbes to the Washington Crapitals organization in exchange for Stephen Peat and finally–FINALLY–shipping Pavel Brendl’s slack ass to Phoenix’s org in exchange for Krys Kolanos. Farewell Krispy, don’t let the door hit you.

What does this mean for the Hurricanes? The parent club, not much. But Lowell gets a pretty even swap as far as goony-type guys go (Forbes for Peat), and they get rid of some serious deadweight in a disinterested Pavel Brendl and get a centerman who’s struggling (but at least gives a tinker’s damn). So as far as I’m concerned it was good all around.

Got to watch the USA-Finland game today. I think people are making too big a deal out of the yobbos that booed the Merkins and cheered for Finland, to be honest, and all the drama that some are making about it on various message boards just amuses the piss out of me. Let it go, people–it’s not worth worrying about.

But that could just be me.

As if having a power outage at work, locking my keys in the mangler’s office, and various other mishaps weren’t enough…..I find out that Elisha Cuthbert now has a blog at nhl.com.

Would somebody please just kill me now? Just walk up to me, drug me, and convince me that I bwnt like Fred Durst or somebody equally nasty. Seriously.

Why the hells is that no-talent bimbo blogging for a professional sports league, anyway? Do the NHL brass seriously think that there will suddenly be legions of Elisha Cuthbert fangurls/fanbois at NHL games, just because their airheaded idol is posting a blog on NHL.com that boils down to “Lyk omigawd!!1 I saw WAYNE GRETZKY today and ZOMG he is so hawttt!!!!1!one”

And, is Pope Palpatine I Benedict XVI really Catholic? Inquiring minds wants to know!

I can just hear it now. Some goober’s ready to hit the “comment” link just so s/he can post “STFU AQ, you’re just jealous because she’s a hottie.” Save your energy–I’m not jealous of her, especially given her egregious lack of taste in men.

Darren McCarty > Sean Avery. Punkt. Ende des Subjekts.

AND IN OTHER NEWS:

The Serene Master of Malik-fu has made the Czech Olympic Team. The Vitkovice fans are all facepalming over it because of Harry’s bad season during the lockout, and Jes Golbez is just fit to be tied because Master made it and his objet d’mancrush Jiri Slegr didn’t. Personally? I think the selection committee made their decisions based on how each player has been doing under the new rules–especially since there will be NHL refs in Turin. Yeah, Slegr’s been putting points on the board, but have you seen the Bruins lately?

Yeah.

And don’t get me started on Eric Staal’s exclusion from Team Canada and what a travesty that was (sidenote: a hearty “fuck you Charlie” to James Duthie and his “playing in a place where nobody notices him” crap–Here’s hoping you get slapped in the grill repeatedly by a Stingray or four the next time you go scuba diving, ya schmuck). I hope he runs away with the Rocket Richard Trophy (and a couple other pieces of hardware) this season, as a big fat middle-finger to the selection committee.

Sometime this week I’ll get started on a rant about the Hurricanes and their inability to market a team.

Happy Yule.

Andy Delmore got called up–and of course it was AFTER the Blue Jackets were in town, which meant that there was no good-natured teasing to be had from me. Ah well–there’s always a roadie to Tampa in January, since it looks like Gruumsh One-Eye errr Bryan Berard will be laid up with that bulging disc in his back for a good while yet.

And speaking of the 2004 Cup Champs, the Hurricanes beat them in a 6-4 thriller last night at the RBC. Happy Yule to me, the ‘Canes are 7 points out in front of the rest of the Southeast now. *dances* Love the Lightning–when they’re not playing us or anywhere near us in the standings. It’s a sibling-rivalry thing, see.

In other news: Team USA announced its selections the other night–and I find myself wondering what in the Nine Hells GM Don Waddell was thinking when he green-lit this roster.

Chris Chelios? Derian Hatcher? Pudge Tkachunk? Do they want to lose in Turin? I mean, I realize that the crop of US-born defensemen is a little on the thin side right now–but I’d take Bret Hedican or Brian Leetch or even Eric freaking Weinrich and his fog-lamp visor over two slugs like Hatcher and Chelios. And for forwards? Hello, I’ll take an in-shape (if a little streaky) Matt Cullen or even a slightly over-the-hill Tony bloody Amonte or a VERY over-the-hill John LeClair over Keith Tkachuk’s injured and loafy ass. The only way Waddell could have hosed this up more than he did is if he’d put Gruumsh on the roster.

At least they didn’t put Jeremy Roenick on the team–so perhaps the furniture in Turin will be safe this time around (and I’m the King of Siam). If Peter Laviolette manages to get this team to anything more than 4th place (if they’re lucky), with the defense he’s got, I will PERSONALLY greet him at the airport when he comes back with a mariachi band, a gallon bottle of Spañada, and a box of White Owls–cos…damn.

I’ll give the princely sum of 1650 Lire to anyone who tapes a sign to Keith Tkachuk’s back that reads “GOONIES NEVER SAY DIE!” I’ll pay double if you provide me with photographic proof of the deed, and triple if you get the reference.

And if Eric Staal doesn’t make Team Canada, I’m going to don blue and gold and cheer for Sweden this year. I’m part Swedish, people–I’m allowed (and France isn’t sending a team anyway, as far as I know). And it’ll annoy Golbez, which means that it’ll be more fun for me.

Moving right along!

I do seem to have stirred up quite a hornet’s nest with my little rant last week about the double-standard that a lot of fans (and a good many mediots) love to use when it comes to judging what’s a good hockey market or not. I find it strangely amusing–but at the same time, I don’t care if people like what I say on the topic or not. I stand by my assertion that if Carolina’s a bad market because the attendance isn’t in the top half of the League, then Boston and Chicago and all the other markets that don’t sell out their building every night are bad markets too–and nobody will convince me otherwise, ever.

On a much more serious note, Phyllis Gretzky passed away on Monday night after a lengthy battle with lung cancer. My thoughts and prayers go out to the Gretzky family at this time.

Have a Happy Yule, folks. Please enjoy time with your families, and let your loved ones know that you love them.

David from The Ice Block decided to chime in on my last post–the boy really picked a bad day to get on my bad side.

We now present the STB2 version of Point/Counterpoint:

“I’m not sure why you think the Devils have a free pass. They’re criticized constantly about their fan support.”

Not lately–once talk about an arena in Newark got serious, all the crap about the Devils’ attendance pretty much stopped.

“The Islanders had good attendance for a long time. After years of finishing towards the bottom of the league, people stopped showing. The Islanders finally got ownership that brought in some real players, and the fans returned. The team even made the playoffs for the first time in seven years in 2001-02. People came back the next year too. Once again, just hopes of a playoff spot, no real Cup expectations. After that year though, seeing that fans have returned, the Islanders then hiked up ticket prices hard. 2002-03 average Isles ticket: $38.44; 2003-04 average Isles ticket: $53.14. Attendance fell 1500 per game. That brings us to this season, where attendance is down again, but I can’t say it’s unexpected and the Islanders just announced discounts next season for those who keep their tickets.”

Those are excuses, which I flatly refuse to accept. If that doesn’t wash for the Hurricanes or any other team south of the Mason-Dixon Line, then it doesn’t wash for the Islanders or any other team north of the Mason-Dixon Line.

“Chicago does get a free pass and they should.”

I call bullshit. Being O6 does NOT grant one automatic immunity to criticism–especially from me–bad owner or not.

“The Bruins are another good hockey town that’s just got some bad ownership at the moment.”

Really? I was not aware of that! And if you seriously believe that, then I have a bridge and some swampland to sell you. Act now, and I’ll throw in a nice copper-plated statue.

Sorry, the Bruins having an owner who cares more about profits than winning still doesn’t give them a free pass. That’s another excuse, and I flatly refuse to accept it–if it were a Southern team that was in the same situation, there would be cries for that team’s contraction…and you damn well know it, bubba.

“I liken the Sabres to the Devils – they do take criticism.”

Not since they got new ownership and got out of bankruptcy.

“It may not be as much as the Hurricanes, but they’re don’t get a free pass”

The Hel they don’t. I notice that you conveniently ignore my Ottawa example–whyzat?

“Most of these teams don’t need a first place team or a Cup Finalist to draw a crowd.”

The Bruins had a first place team, and still can’t draw a crowd.

“The Hurricanes are tops in the Southeast and at 76% capacity. It would probably be called “lockout blues”, except the Canes have only drawn big crowds during the Cup Final year, and the year after.”

I’m sorry, did you bother reading what I wrote? The team sucked on toast in 03-04, and all that the fans got from the coaches were excuses and more slackitude. That did more than anything else to erase what had been steadily increasing attendance since the end of the disastrous Greensboro years.

“If that’s what it takes to be successful, then the team just isn’t going to work long-term.”

Then clearly, you know two things about the Triangle: Jack, and shit. Fans here will reward winning, sure–but they also reward commitment and effort. State draws well lately, even though they haven’t made it past the Sweet 16 since 1983, because they actually try.

But what do I know? I’ve only lived here for a good chunk of my life and know the sports-fan dynamic.

“Anyway, those are my observations and opinions about the criticism regarding Canes attendance.”

Thank you for calling!

So let’s talk about the C word: contraction.

Specifically, let’s talk about the double-standard that gets used to determine which teams “deserve” contraction.

Buffalo goes bankrupt and was run by the League until a buyer could be found after the Rigas clan got pwnt by Johnny G-Man. The team was a mess, it was run into the ground, it probably would not have survived the season without a buyer. And yet they’re allowed to stick around.

Ottawa goes bankrupt (again–the last time was in 1936 when they folded as a casualty of the Great Depression) and then-owner Rod Bryden’s repeated pleas to buy season tickets or the team would fold (again) didn’t bear a lot of fruit…except with fans of other teams who bought Sens tickets specifically so the folks in Ottawa could continue to have a team to cheer for. The team almost lost every last player on their roster when they couldn’t make payroll, only managing to keep the team intact when Bryden took out a loan at the last minute. And yet they’re allowed to stick around.

Nashville is financially stable, they play well and bring in an increasing number of fans thanks to their playoff run in 2004. They’ve made payroll, they haven’t gone bankrupt, they haven’t had any problems that would show that they might not be able to run. And yet the wags call for them to be contracted.

Carolina is financially stable with help from the non-hockey side of Gale Force Sports and Entertainment’s management of the RBC Center. They play well and are bringing in an increasing number of fans thanks to their strong play and aggressive puck-pursuit game that can make even a loss exciting. They’ve made payroll, they haven’t gone bankrupt, they haven’t had any problems that would show that they might not be able to run. And yet the wags call for them to be contracted.

Why? Why are the teams in the southern US targeted for contraction, while teams that have been (or currently are) in serious trouble are given a free pass?

I’d really like to know.

Blaming us for watering down the talent pool? Please.

The theory of watered-down talent is complete and total bulldada, as is blaming all of us Southern teams for same. The average player today is far better than the average player from the 70s and 80s, when training camp was widely considered the time for most players to get in shape after a summer of nothing but hanging around the house watching reruns of Gilligan’s Island in between golf games with their drinking buddies. Your average player these days hits the gym for several hours a day to stay in game shape, because his career depends on it. Craig Adams would be an All-Star if he were yanked back in time to the 70s. Kevyn Adams would be a legend. Andy freaking Delmore in all his cross-eyed defenseless vainglory would be considered a poor-man’s Bobby Orr (please, people, do try to contain your laughter). Constant training, specialized goaltender training, and an unceasing dedication to the sport has given us a better player on the average. Tapping into Europe and (until they decided to not sign the latest IIHF transfer agreement) Russia has helped keep the talent pool from getting too thin.

For that matter, the explosion of hockey in the Southern US (as a direct result of NHL teams being there) has pretty much guaranteed that there’ll be more southern boys coming into the NHL (so NC native Patrick O’Sullivan will have company). Boom-Boom Geoffrion’s grandson Blake (born and raised just outside of Nashville, TN) becomes draft-eligible in 2006–look for him to be the first of quite a few more southern born-and-raised players to come.

Attendance? Excuse me?

You can scream at me until you are blue in the face about how Carolina is 23rd in attendance this season, but it won’t change a thing. For several years, Carolina was beating the Blackhawks and the Bruins and even the Sabres at the gate–and yet those three teams get a free pass while Carolina gets pilloried as an example of everything that’s wrong with the NHL.

Perennial playoff powerhouse New Jersey is currently 25^th in the League, yet they’re getting a free pass. The NY Islanders are getting a free pass, even though their attendance is 29^th in the League because fans don’t want to support a coach who doesn’t want to win–and on top of that, their fans are somehow considered “good fans” who are being smart by voting with their wallets and refusing to show support for a bad team.

Yet when Caniacs stayed away in droves in 03-04 because they were tired of Paul Maurice’s excusemaking and the team’s overall lack of effort, they somehow became ign’ant rednecks who don’t know shit about shit and don’t care about hockey even after game-by-game attendance started to slowly creep back up after Peter Laviolette came in and started making his changes.

Vancouver supposedly has the best fans in the NHL, even though there were nights at GM Place (and the Pacific Coliseum before that) when you could fire off a shotgun in most sections and not hit anyone and tickets didn’t start getting scarce until the Canucks started winning again. Yet when Nashville has a slack attendance night, apparently it’s acceptable for the visiting team’s radio guys to make cracks about how more people would come if they said that Bobby Labonte was in the house, slag Nashville as a crap market with shitty fans, and imply that the town doesn’t deserve a team.

Fuck y’all haters, and fuck your double-standards too.

Here’s hoping for a Carolina-Nashville Finals.

Here are some of the search results that have led people here to the ol’ ‘cue-shack in the last couple days:

Graham james coach hockey 2005
darren mccarty acidqueen paul maurice (Now THERE’S a match made in Detroit Hell for you!)
female reporter locker room 2005 (uhhh….okay then….)
the most wonderful time of the year (BAH! HUMBUG!)
shanahan sakic all over him (I think I’ll just walk away from that one, thank you.)

In the words of Adler Mannheim coach Stephane Richer (by way of the John Boy and Billy Big Show):

“Son, you’re on your own.”

You people have no idea how long I’ve been waiting to use that subject line–though had this blog been around when the ‘Canes signed Frantisek Kaberle, I guess I could have changed “Hollywood” to “Raleighwood” and used it then. But I digress.

The ‘Canes will be finishing up their Pacific Division roadie tomorrow night at the Shark Tank–and what a roadtrip it’s been.

I guess the Great One heard about my posts on several message boards where I called the NHL on their favoritism in enforcing the Instigator Rule v2.0, where you can’t be fined and your player can’t be suspended if your name is Wayne Gretzky–because that game agin the Coyotes was B to the R to the U-T-A-L. Ugh.

The rest of the roadtrip has gone fairly well, though. That amazes me, because historically this team sucks more than a twink in a Bel Ami video during the month of December. Of course, this is basically a new team this season, so I guess I shouldn’t be so surprised.

One thing that some people have commented on in other blogs (and which I’m going to comment on here) is the Hurricanes’ using the “Hrudey Defense” to protest Mike Modano’s shootout winner in Dallas. I’ve seen that goal, and I firmly believe that my beloved Hurricanes were waaaaay off-base making that argument. If they’d wanted to argue that Modano was stopped by Gerber (thus rendering the puck dead) and that he had given the puck another tap to put it in, then I could see it (especially since the Preds got fux0red like that a while back when Jeremy Roenick did much the same thing to give the Kings a shootout win). But the argument that Lavi et. al. tried to make wasn’t the right one–in my rules-lawyerly opinion, of course.

See, the ‘Canes should hire me. I’m a gamer, I can rules-lawyer like there’s no tomorrow!

In other news, is the new CBA up anywhere? Inquiring minds want to know!

In a move that came as absolutely no surprise to anyone, the delusionally paranoid dirtbag David Frost resigned his NHL Agents’ Association certification.

10 Quatloos sez that he was warned by his good buddy Bully Bob Goodenow that the “investigation” was going to go against him for PR purposes, and it was “suggested” that he resign his cert rather than have it taken away from him in what would wind up being a huge PR nightmare for the PA (who would then have to answer questions about why that abusive piece of shit was tolerated for so long in the face of a growing mountain of evidence that he’s a scumbucket).

It’s pretty sad how the NHLPA has served absolutely nobody except the agents over the last 20-odd years–well, except for Alan Eagleson’s tenure, when it served nobody except Alan Eagleson (may he rot in the foulest corner of Detroit Hell for all eternity). Scum like David Frost are tolerated, and players are made to suffer mightily for it–all for the sake of the agents and their cut.

In other news, the sky is blue and the Pope is Catholic. Film at 11.

It’s too bad that Trent Klatt’s resistance movement has at its heart a misguided lingering loyalty to Bully Bob rather than a sincere desire to see the players take back their union from the agents and once again control their own destinies–I’d actually support him if the latter were indeed the case.

Carnival of the NHL #14 went up, and I almost missed it—shows you how much I pay attention when I’m not busy busting the chops of high-schoolers for trying to buy beer and smokes with fake IDs. Please, try to convince the daughter of a US Navy lifer with a Purple Heart that you served on BB-39 while you’re wearing an “Athens Drive Class of 2006” t-shirt and reek of Eau de Clearasil. I dare you.

History-geek points to anyone who know what ship had that designation. Go Navy!

Anyway.

The Serene Master of Malik-fu has done it again, scoring his first regulation game-winner as a Ranger in a 2-1 win over the Pittsburgh Penguins at Madison Square Garden. Too bad it wasn’t from “Harry’s Corner” (the left-side corner behind his own goal line). That would have made it even cooler, in my opinion. Can’t speak for the rest of the Caniac Nation (est. 1997), but I and the rest of the Cult of the Sub-Holy Defenseman miss you, big guy.

As much as I do like the Nashville Predators (and I like them a lot), and as much as I loathe the Detroit Red Wings (and I hate them with every fibre of my being), I must question the wisdom of allowing the game to start with a 1-0 score, yet be played from the very start. To me, that just doesn’t seem right to start from the beginning rather than from where play halted on that horrible night. However, since both teams were consulted and have agreed to it, then I’ll accept it.

In other news, the Boston Bruins have officially lost their minds. I look at the Thornton trade as just another reprieve for Mike Sullivan, who has reached a Paul Maurice 02-03 level of futility in trying to get his players to listen to him. Bar Fight Joe has been unfairly (IMO) pilloried in the Bahstan media (particularly by the Boston Globe, who has always kissed the lily-white asses of Bruins manglement) for the sins of management and even the coaches who babied him when they should have pulled a John Tortorella and gotten tough with him. In the wake of the trade, Globe columnist Kevin Paul Dupont was practically jizzing himself over having somehow moved the heavens and the earth to get what he called a “disinterested, disconsolate” player traded out of town. For my part, I think that Bar Fight should never have been given the C before he was mature enough as a player to handle it.

I predict that Sullivan’s next move once the post-trade euphoria wears off and the Bruins start getting pwned again on a regular basis will be to skate his players until Craig MacDonald collapses.

Thank you, I’ll be here all season.