Sweet Tea, Barbecue, and Bodychecks

Of ALL the guys we could have drafted in the first round:
16) C/RW Landon Ferraro
17) RW Zach Budish
20) LW Carl Klingberg
21) C Drew Shore
23) LW Jeremy Morin
27) D Stefan Elliott
34) RW Alex Chiasson (no relation to Steve)
35) D Ryan Button
37) C Joonas Nattinen
38) D Charles-Olivier Roussel
39) C Ryan O’Reilly
40) RW Richard Panik
41) C Ethan Werek
42) D Dmitri Orlov
43) C Tomas Tatar
44) RW Toni Rajala
45) D Eric Gelinas
46) D Brayden McNabb
47) RW Josh Birkholz
48) C Alex Hutchings
49) C Jakob Silfverberg
50) D Seth Helgeson

We pick this dude:

WTF was the scouting staff smoking when they made that pick?? Did all 4 of them decide to gather ’round, light up a big blunt, and come to the collective conclusion that the solution to all of our size woes was some dude that everyone else figured was a second-rounder at best?? What are they going to do with this dude, give him a wand and tell him to go fight Voldemort? Maybe they got so stoned that they thought they were drafting for a Quidditch team instead of an NHL team.

The only team that was made of more fail than the Hurricanes on Day 1 of the Draft were the Hartfordelphia Whaleflyers. When that trade got announced, I had to ask myself if Homer was hitting the sauce again–all that for My Golden Bitch?? Really?? Really?? 2 first-rounders, a conditional 3rd-rounder, AND two good young players?? For Pronger?? If I’m a Pflyers fan, I’m getting out the cans of gas and the matches and preparing to immolate myself in front of the Walk-Over-Ya Center because…damn.

p.s. TSN’s trio of commentators can blow me for deciding to cut away from/talk over Ron Francis when he announced our pick. I mean, I get that they figured “eh, it’s the Hurricanes, they’ll just blow it anyway”–but really. You asshats could have STFU and let Ronnie announce the pick.? I mean, I’m just sayin’.

Can’t wait to see how they blow it on Day 2. Somebody pass me a Mojito…or ten.

I will not sackdance I will not sackdance I will not sackdance I will not sackdance I will not sackdance I will not sackdance I will not sackdance I will not sackdance I will not sackdance I will not sackdance I will not sackdance I will not sackdance I will not sackdance I will not sackdance I will not sackdance I will not sackdance I will not sackdance I will not sackdance I will not sackdance I will not sackdance I will not sackdance I will not sackdance I will not sackdance I will not sackdance I will not sackdance I will not sackdance I will not sackdance I will not sackdance I will not sackdance I will not sackdance I will not sackdance I will not sackdance I will not sackdance I will not sackdance I will not sackdance I will not sackdance I will not sackdance I will not sackdance I will not sackdance I will not sackdance I will not sackdance I will not sackdance I will not sackdance I will not sackdance I will not sackdance I will not sackdance I will not sackdance I will not sackdance I will not sackdance I will not sackdance I will not sackdance I will not sackdance I will not sackdance I will not sackdance I will not sackdance I will not sackdance I will not sackdance I will not sackdance I will not sackdance I will not sackdance I will not sackdance I will not sackdance I will not sackdance I will not sackdance I will not sackdance I will not sackdance I will not sackdance I will not sackdance I will not sackdance I will not sackdance I will not sackdance I will not sackdance I will not sackdance I will not sackdance I will not sackdance I will not sackdance I will not sackdance I will not sackdance I will not sackdance I will not sackdance I will not sackdance I will not sackdance I will not sackdance I will not sackdance I will not sackdance I will not sackdance I will not sackdance I will not sackdance I will not sackdance I will not sackdance I will not sackdance I will not sackdance I will not sackdance I will not sackdance I will not sackdance I will not sackdance I will not sackdance I will not sackdance I will not sackdance I will not sackdance

Honestly, I really don’t care about the fawning over Crosby–it’ll pass, in time, and I ignore a lot of the mediocy that goes on anyway. Orpik, I don’t care about anymore. Cole has let it go, so I’ve let it go. The annoyingness of most of their fans, eh.? They’ll settle down rather than act like entitled jagoffs that don’t know shit about their own team and can’t take congrats without showing their asses.

Good job, Pens. You played well when it counted most, and you’ve got your vengeance. Enjoy your offseason…and enjoy having a target on your collective backs again.

Hail the Penguins!

Have a drink on me, boys.

Last night was disappointing, but–sadly–not surprising.

The Hurricanes that scratched and clawed their way to the ECF were, in the end, gassed and surpassed. The aliens didn’t take them away and replace them with the Pod People, they didn’t “just give up”, and they sure as hell aren’t “scrubs”. They just didn’t have anything left in the tank (except for Eric Staal–who will be the next Warchief, but he can’t carry the whole team on his back), and it showed.

Such is hockey.

Congrats, Penguins. You were the better team this series, and it showed. Luck in the next round, and I just have two words for you now:

POUND. DETROIT.*

*: If Chicago somehow pulls it out in the WCF, all bets are off.

So tonight I’ve decided that instead of listening to ChuckandtheletterK, I’ll watch the game–which will piss off my husband (because that means he won’t be able to watch Glen xenophoBeck or Bully O’Racist), but I really don’t care.

And that’s where I am right now. Not caring much. Don’t get me wrong, I do want the Hurricanes to pull off a miracle a la the ‘75 Islanders. I really do. But I’m not going to get all up in teh dramaz or lose my shit if they lose.

IF they lose. It’s always an if until the final buzzer sounds–I mean, I’m just sayin’ here.

Puck drops at 7:30. Hopefully the Hurricanes can take the brooms that some “classy” Pens fans decided to toss onto the ice the other night and ram them up those toolbags’ backsides.

The blog went away–I’m sure some thought I had gone underground, but no; a spammer had hacked it.

I’m back, the spammer has been hauled out into the street and shot (and I wish all the other spammers on the planet would suffer the same fate) and decided that this was as good a time as any to go with a new theme.

Bleh. That’s all I have to say about that. Bleh.

This series is going to end on Tuesday unless the Hurricanes do the following:

1) The defence has to pull their collective head out and actually get in the game. Tim Gleason, I’m talking to you. Anton Babchuk, I’m talking to you. Dennis Seidenberg, ich rede mit dir. Expecting Cam to do all the work for you is grossly unfair, don’t you think? Dudeman was PISSED last night, and I don’t blame him one bit for it because he is getting less than no help from his defense. At least three of Malkin’s goals (not to mention a couple of other goals from Crosby and, say, Letang) in this series don’t happen if the defense? doesn’t fall down on the job and manages to clear the puck away from the net or even play the body. The refs have put the whistles away for the playoffs; the least the Hurricanes can do is actually get physical like they need to.

2) The best players on the team play like it. What is so hard about camping in front of Fleury, driving to the net, and doing something other than just firing the puck in the general direction of the net from ten feet out and hoping it goes in?? Come on guys–Chad LaRose may be the Chuck Norris of hockey, but the little dude can only do so much. There’s gotta be more traffic in front of the net, there’s gotta be more consistency that I am just not seeing.

Actually, I take that second part back–mostly–because:

3) Chairman Mo has got to have some faith in his fourth line, for once. Actually, he should have had some faith in his fourth line in the first and second rounds too. Not letting them see the ice more than once a period (if that) has left the rest of the forwards more or less gassed. He’s reverted to type, refusing to roll four lines and running his top three lines into the dirt. That’s not how you win a Cup or even avoid getting humiliated in the Conference Finals, dude. I suggest he watch some tapes from 2006 and see how Lavi did it (despite what the Slugfans will tell you, he won by–among other things–rolling all four lines consistently).

And people wonder why I refuse to believe the man has changed any during his time away from the team. Sheesh.

….that there is no Vast Anti-Hurricanes Conspiracy in the ECF:

Ryan Bayda gets lucky, only fined for cheap high-stick to Kris Letang’s grill — WRALSportsFan.com

Yeah fellow Caniacs, you heard me. My Man Ryan Bayda, the dude that I called as a Hurricanes draft pick in ‘01, got lucky. He should have been suspended. Scott Walker should have been suspended for his antics in Game 5 of the ECSF–though in fairness, I suspect that the reason he didn’t get suspendered is because AWard just stood there and deliberately took the punch, hoping to draw the penalty.

Either way, they were both cheap. Whether to a lesser or greater degree, they were both just as cheap as Matt Cooke’s knee-on-knee hit on Erik Cole and they both deserved to get LARTed for it.

Game 3 tomorrow night at the RBC–I’ll be camping the internet-radio and listening to ChuckandtheletterK as usual.

Go Canes.

There has been a great hue and cry raised in various areas about the Vast NHL Conspiracy to keep the Hurricanes and the Blackhawks (especially the Hurricanes) from advancing to the SCF–after only one game.

Wow. That’s all I can say, just “wow”.

Kids, really; there is no conspiracy. This is the NHL–they can’t even schedule a playoff series right, much less come up with some grand conspiracy to fix games in favour of this or that team!

OK, so Matt Cooke is a dirty cheap-ass piece of crap who deserved to get suspended after his accidentally-on-purpose knee on knee hit to Erik Cole. Scott Walker deserved a suspension after punching Aaron Ward, and he didn’t get one. Alex Ovechkin deserved a suspension after HIS accidentally-on-purpose knee on knee hit to Sergei Gonchar, and he didn’t get one.

Suspensions just aren’t happening in these playoffs. We need to suck it up and get over it…praying for better officials and for Colin Campbell to be replaced with somebody who can actually do what needs to be done, however, is always a good idea.

p.s. Luke DeCock agrees with me. And thanks to the Pens fans who down-voted the previous few posts. That made me laugh.

…than worry about some punk.

But because it amuses me, I’ll create a category for that punk.

Update on the Warchief: He’s skating today, after taking a puck upside the head during Game 7 of the Bruins series. (Actually the puck was upside his right eye, but eh).

According to Toolbox, the Warchief was at practice today and feeling aight despite having a shiner and a nice deep cut over his right eye. Chairman Mo is optimistic and is taking on faith the Warchief’s assertion that he’s good to go for tomorrow night.

Personally, I just hope that the ‘Canes don’t score three goals and then decide “Oh wait!  We don’t need more than three goals to win!  Let’s go into a defensive shell now!”  Because THE DEFENSIVE SHELL SUCKS. And that would suck, losing because of that effin’ defensive shell.

Just sayin’.

I had this eulogy all set to write about the ‘Canes season, and then Scott Walker as much as grabbed my keyboard, bonked me on the head with it, and said “Told you we’d win.”

So, now we get the Pens. This team really doesn’t make it easy, but I like our chances regardless. Unlike the Caps, we actually have some semblance of a defence. And we have Cam Ward, who (unlike Mr. Minoxidil up in Washington) is actually able to win in the playoffs.

Of course, it’s the Pens. Which means that the Orpik incident will be rehashed for the eleventy-billionth time and all the tools are going to come out crying that Orpik is a great guy and would never deliberate piledrive anyone into the boards (despite the fact that he was suspended 10 games for doing the EXACT SAME THING in the AHL). And we’ll get yet more trolls on our blogs and boards and chat rooms–this time though, the trolls will bray about King Sid and the Archangel Marc-Andre and Sergei Gonchar, and we’re not going to win a single game, and whatever other mindless effluvium bubbles up from the depths of their pea-brains and crumb-laden keyboards.

Fuck ‘em. It’s all about the Vengeance, baby. Vengeance for Cole’s broken neck, vengeance for Eddie Johnston deliberately hamstringing the Whale in 1991, whatever. It’s all about the Vengeance.

Game 1 starts Monday night in the Igloo.

Pop this window out

What the hell was up with that last night?

The Canes played…well, let’s be honest. They played like ass.  The general attitude was pretty slacktastic, the team acted like they already had the series in the bag–but as we all know, the series isn’t in the bag until that fourth game is won.

The officiating was pretty crappy, as it has been for every team throughout the playoffs, but last night was particularly asstacular. The Bruins were allowed to be cheap and take liberties, and the ‘Canes couldn’t do anything about it. But that’s not why they lost. The Hurricanes lost because they didn’t play like they gave a damn. They didn’t lose because Lucic lined up Dennis Seidenberg from clear out in Ohio and flagrantly charged him right in front of Tim Peel, they lost because they couldn’t be arsed to play the game that got them to 3-1. They didn’t lose because Scott Walker finally got so pissed off that he sucker-punched Aaron Ward in retaliation for a cheap shot on Matt Cullen or because Jussi Jokinen “slashed” Zdeno Chara on the ankle, they lost because they just pretty much coasted for the bulk of the game until it was far too late to do anything.

That’s a fucking 50 DKP minus–and a suspension for Walks, who (and let’s be honest here) really does deserve it.

See y’all Tuesday night.

ECSF Game 5: Hurricanes vs. Bruins

You know how we do. Popup link for those who are innerested.

Liveblog starts at 6:45 EDT — Link for those who would rather have teh popup: Right hurr

We’ve all heard it by now: The Coyotes’ owner has filed for bankruptcy and, in response, the NHL has exercised the clause in their loan agreement that allows them to assume control of the team. Jim Balsillie has put forth an overpay of an offer (US$212.5Million) with a stipulation that he gets to immediately move the team to Hamilton before the ink’s even dry on the bill of sale.

And the NHL is going to move that the bankruptcy filing be dismissed.

Ugh. This is all going to be just chock full of Bad Craziness. Nationalistic lines have been drawn; Fans from Canada and the northern US are clamouring for every franchise south of 39° 43′ 20″ N be ripped up and moved or contracted outright, branded as “a failure”. Phoenix fans and the NHL are digging in for some serious trench warfare. Phoenix is being held up as an example of everything that is wrong with the wave of southern expansion that started under John Ziegler and continued under Gary Bettman; I disagree with this.

Is Phoenix as a franchise in trouble? Yes. It’s sad, but true; the ‘Yotes are in serious trouble and may not survive much longer in Phoenix. But does it mean that southern expansion is a complete failure? Tampa, Carolina, and Anaheim would definitely beg to differ. Atlanta, Nashville, and Florida would beg to differ too–their travails are no different from what the Islanders, Blackhawks, Bruins, and even the Sabres have (or in the case of the Bruins and Sabres, had) to deal with; bad management that’s more interested in profit over results (or, if you’re the Sabres, a crook for an owner–see “Rigas, John”), and crap seasons that have driven all but the most die-hard of die-hards away. And yet, because of their geographical location, Atlanta, Nashville, and Florida are regularly targeted as “failures” and calls are made to move them.

Which brings us to Jim Balsillie, who apparently feels that he can do whatever he wants because half the planet has a Crackberry. I’ve ranted in the past that he should be allowed to be an owner; I still think that he should be allowed to be an owner, because I think that in the long run an enthusiastic owner will be good for the NHL.

HOWEVER: The Forms Must Be Obeyed. I get that he wants to give a team to the folks in Hamilton, and I am OK with that. But it’s not going to get done by trying to do an end run around the NHL and trying to use bankruptcy proceedings to force a sale. It’s not going to get done by putting up a website and holding press conferences and fighting with the rest of the owners to try to force his way in. That’s my issue with the guy. Yes, he’s been honest about what he wants to do with any team that he buys, Cup-winner status be damned. But Jim Balsillie has got to learn to work with the NHL rather than against the NHL.

As for the Coyotes? *sigh*  If they absolutely have to move, then I think that they need to go right back up to the ‘Peg rather than to Hamilton. It would be the right thing to do.

Holy crap. I’d just settled in and was getting ready to quaff a bunch of BAWLS and hang out for a looooong OT, when Jussi Jokinen potted the game-winner.

Things the ‘Canes have got to work on before Friday are:

1) Physicality. Babs, I’m talking to you. So frellin’ what if Chara’s 6′9″?  He can still be hit, yo–even Chad frellin’ LaRose tries to hit the dude, knowing full well that he’ll have to bounce off and wind up clear out in damn Hoke County and have to hitchhike his way back to the RBC. What, are you a pysanka cleverly disguised as a defenceman? I mean, I’m just wondering here.

2) Rebounds. OMG, I thought I was going to go out of my MIND with all the rebounds Cam was giving up. Seriously, is he trying to give us all heart attacks or something?  I mean, damn.

3) Repeat after me: THE DEFENSIVE SHELL SUCKS.  Period.  Just say no, mmkay?  Seriously, just say no. Collapsing into a shell around Cam is how the ‘Canes choked a 3-0 lead over the Devils in the first round. It’s how they got pwnt 4-1 in the first game of this round. If the ‘Canes want a chance in Niflheim of surviving and advancing, they have got to stop retreating into a defensive shell. Chairman Mo needs to throw that play out of his book and come up with something better.

And I’ll be liveblogging Friday’s game.